04-14-2010, 09:33 PM
Join Date: May 2008
| | Re: need (very belated) advice after my wife cheated
Love and forgiveness are wonderful things ... without a doubt.
You shouldn't be focusing on either at the moment.
Your wife chose to blatantly lie to your face - on multiple occasions.
She is having sex with another guy.
Instead of feeling guilt or remorse - she wants to cut a deal, in which you agree to continue letting her screw someone else.
I hope you are offended by the language, but it shouldn't be anyone here posting that you find offensive.
Time for a bit of self-respect. People get caught up in this notion of 'taking the high road' or not wanting to 'upset' the wayward spouse.
If you want results, and to have your wife re-engage you - then you cannot deal with her as she expects you to deal with her. Her knowledge of who you are, led her to choose an affair in the first place. You REALLY need to understand that.
No pleading, begging, crying, or cajoling. It's like blood in the water to a shark. She will simply take another bite out of you, swim off, and keep screwing M.
F*ck the high road. And f*ck her. You need a little anger and aggression in the mix. Honor, and nobility work in your favor when you are moving toward divorce - but to end the affair, and create the circumstances where reconciling may even be possible, using kid gloves, being nice and playing fair will only assure a protracted, long, slow, death of your marriage.
What the hell is going on with your kids while your wife is off carrying on with another guy?
Do they know? If not, they should be the first people it gets exposed to, given their ages. If you don't. She will paint a picture that simply says 'dad and I grew apart.'. She will lie to them too. Expose it. Big. She gets angry? So what? That means you hit a nerve. It isn't about revenge. Those that think that this step is simply sour grapes are entitled to their opinion.
The sooner you take responsibility for your own independence and needs, and take concrete steps to dismantle and not enable her little fantasy, the better off you will both be, whether you reconcile or not.
Last edited by Deejo; 04-14-2010 at 09:42 PM.