Question on cheating husbands behaviour
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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 10-06-2013, 09:33 PM   #1 (permalink)
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I'm looking for thoughts or opinions on my husband behaviour (been separated for one year). Husband cheated long-term with coworker and confessed. He acts like a mess.... I'm not living with my husband and we have sold our house. Planning on divorcing soon and when I try to talk to my husband, even if the conversation is business related, he cannot talk to me without crying and sometimes cannot even finish his sentence. He had the affair, has no interest in reconciling, is not living with the other woman and I'm not certain if they are even together. He gives no indication of wanting to work it out and in fact, I haven't even seen him in 5 months. My question is, why is he so emotional when he has no interest in working it out...?? I'm ready to move on and take the next step with divorce, but his behaviour is perplexing.....thoughts?
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Old 10-06-2013, 10:03 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Who cares? Divorce him and find somebody who treats you right.
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Old 10-06-2013, 10:11 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I hear what you are saying, but what's the reason for not being able to be able to complete one sentence without tears?
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Old 10-06-2013, 10:13 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Question on cheating husbands behaviour

Sometimes a cheater realizes what they have done and are sorry. I am in the camp that says if a spouse has sex with someone outside the marriage then divorce them. But that is just me.

Not to say that R cannot work. Just saying that it could never work for me because there is no way I would ever trust that person again and I do not want to live like that.

If you are considering R then you should bring it up. Otherwise don't worry about how he is acting. Not your problem any longer.
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Old 10-06-2013, 10:23 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I am not considering R with him at all, I just don't understand after five months of not seeing him how he can be so upset when we talk on the odd occasion, it was his choice to throw me to the dogs after all.
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Old 10-06-2013, 10:42 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I am not considering R with him at all, I just don't understand after five months of not seeing him how he can be so upset when we talk on the odd occasion, it was his choice to throw me to the dogs after all.
Put him in your rear-view as soon as possible and don't worry about why he does or does not do things. Move on.
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Old 10-07-2013, 01:16 PM   #7 (permalink)
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He is emotionally unstable right now and you trigger these moments (IMO). Might be guilt, a future that is now gone, not sure. Not unusual behavior, but one that shows immaturity. Seriously, his reaction is not mature, it shows that he does not have his emotions under control and is not really fitting to the situation.

I would chaulk it up to emotional immaturity.
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Old 10-07-2013, 01:24 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Why? Because reality is a real MOFO when it kicks in. Interacting with you just reminds him of that.

Not really your problem.
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Old 10-07-2013, 01:54 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Who cares? Divorce him and find somebody who treats you right.
I think it's a good idea for the OP to contemplate her situation and think about what she didn't like about it and what the red flags are that she should have noticed aerly on.

To simply move on without any understanding of the situation that she is moving on from could mean that she could repeat it again.
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Old 10-07-2013, 01:58 PM   #10 (permalink)
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He thought his fantasy was going to work out, either by keeping both of you or by going to her. Neither has worked out. So now he feels stupid, or feels like he threw his life away for this 'mistake.' And he wants his old life back.
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Old 10-07-2013, 02:07 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Best not to care - he's a cheater/lier after all. He will do it again in no time. Also, it's about his control and manipulation.
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Old 10-07-2013, 02:41 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Question on cheating husbands behaviour

I understand you wanting to know. It is weird after all. If anyone was acting weird around us, we are curious as to why.

I have no answer though. It is very weird behaviour. Maybe it isn't yours and his relationship at all. Maybe it is. The only way you will get to know though is to ask him.
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Old 10-07-2013, 03:38 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Question on cheating husbands behaviour

Hi,

Maybe:

- he would like to reconcile, but feels to do so would be bad for you; he feels he wants to do at least one thing right by you and hence makes out like he agrees to splitting up etc.

- he regrets everything. He knows it can't work between you and it upsets him, but he doesn't love you anymore.

As remains says, the only way to really know is to ask him.

Serious question: have you seen, or read, "Life of Pi"?
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Old 10-07-2013, 10:57 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Sometimes a cheater realizes what they have done and are sorry.
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Old 10-09-2013, 02:38 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Perhaps he is grieving the loss of the life that he once had with you. It is easy to be blinded by the fog with you are in the middle of it, but when it lifts and you realize that you are on an island, with no lifeboat... it's a hard reality to face. He is likely struggling with moving on, and scared to face the rest of his life.
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