A letter to my serial cheater son to be ex husband
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » A letter to my serial cheater son to be ex husband

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 10-06-2013, 08:36 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default A letter to my serial cheater son to be ex husband

If your affair wasn't bad enough. If your affair wasn't something that has to take me years and years to work through and you double that amount to show me remorse it's was your conduct after I found out that put me over the edge. For the first two weeks you may have shown signs of some remorse but that's it. For the past 9 weeks you have been focused on you and your mistress and your exposure and your affair and how you feel and how she feels etc. The fact that you would put that above your family is something I can not forgive you for. I look at our child and to think you put yourself and some wh*re above our child is something I won't forgive you for. When I look at how beautiful my other 4 children are and what they have already been threw and for you to put yourself above them is something I can't forgive you for. People around you are not jealous of who you walk into a room with but the fact that you have such a beautiful family. You traded your family in for a nobody and for your selfishness.

Whenever I think you can't be anymore selfish you prove me wrong yet again.
You've lost it all in exchange for lies and deception.

When you are laying in bed and either of you turns to read something on your phone you will always wonder who. When you are out and answering a phone call or text you will always wonder who. You will never have that peace that comes with a relationship based on trust, honesty and love. Since when is love built off of lies and deceit? When you can't live up to her demands and she has to deal with you and your children and life and is no longer in the fantasy world she will cheat on you (AND SHE WILL) she will tell that man how much YOU suck and why she is now cheating on YOU with him just like she told you how much her husband sucks when she was cheating on him. People that want to cheat will rewrite history in order to justify their actions. Something you both did You will never be at peace. She only takes advantage of you and I pray that I am alive to see it happen to you. I will be standing there with a big fat sign that says " I told you so" cause You are such a fool. Unfortunately it's your children that suffer the consequences of your ignorance not me.

This woman is not worth all that you lost and are losing again. She, like you is a person with questionable morals and when you find yourself in a "real" relationship with her you will have to be content with a relationship built on deceit and adultery and it will not survive. As I said, they cheat with you they will cheat on you.

You don't even allow for the smallest chance of being a friend at any level. You instead make sure I see you for the painful ugly person you really are. Finding the "who done it" and how I learned of your affair was more important to you then what you really and truly lost and that's your family, your dignity and your self respect as a man.
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Old 10-06-2013, 10:12 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: A letter to my serial cheater son to be ex husband

That says it all.
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Old 10-07-2013, 11:58 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: A letter to my serial cheater son to be ex husband

Did you send it to him?
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Old 10-08-2013, 01:45 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Thorburn, yes I did. His response...............NONE. He made an appointment with his Psychiatrist a few days later but never said a word to me.

It’s his conduct after I learned of the affair that has put me over the edge to a point of no return. The reality of who he is so disappointing I can’t even feel hurt anymore. Just disappointment. I look at him and he's just a physical being of the man I THOUGHT I was with. It’s his lack of empathy even if just an ounce of it leaves me speechless.

I said to him, I DIDDINT want to even ask you this but do you realize after all the years we've been together and all we've been through and what you have now done to this family , it would be a slap in the face or more like spitting on my grave for you to still be in contact with her right? Do you at least acknowledge that????

His response: You mean contacting her as oppose to anyone else or what do you mean? Have I had dinner with her? No, Have I slept with her ? No. Have we discussed the exposure of the affair, yes. Is it good for me to speak to her,...........no its not.

Then he walked out of the room and just left me there with words in my mouth.

He does not love me......anymore or maybe not ever. Nothing that I say or write will affect him. I need to get that through my thick skull. I keep trying to get him to at least feel something, anything about his actions. As devastating as it hurts at the time, I have to admit the next morning it helps me to just move on. I can’t say I live in denial because his responses confirm my reality.

Sometimes it’s what they don’t say and don’t do that speak volumes. I just wish I would stop expecting him to even listen to my hurt. He doesnt care period. Its not a R Im even looking for. There is no way I could get to that place but my goodness. I was not a one night stand? I was your wife and mother to your children???
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Old 10-08-2013, 07:15 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: A letter to my serial cheater son to be ex husband

Quote:
Originally Posted by stuck on hold View Post
His response: You mean contacting her as oppose to anyone else or what do you mean? Have I had dinner with her? No, Have I slept with her ? No. Have we discussed the exposure of the affair, yes. Is it good for me to speak to her,...........no its not.

Then he walked out of the room and just left me there with words in my mouth.
Complete narcissism here.
There's no hope, not a trace.

I'm sorry friend. Please, choose self respect, choose self protection.
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Old 10-08-2013, 07:47 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: A letter to my serial cheater son to be ex husband

Good letter. If he didn't read it? His loss.
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Old 10-09-2013, 08:35 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Thank you for your responses. I come to TAM for a sanity check. Am I crazy? Is he narasasistic or just plane nuts? He takes medication for his depression for almost 9 years now. Sees a psychiatrist , has thoughts of suicide however displays complete and total composure at the snap of a finger. His responses are so far removed from the gravity of hurt he has caused that I wonder if he's just crazy or is this a true psiosiopath?? I truly believe he does NOT think he's done anything wrong. I believe he thinks what he did wrong is that he let himself get caught. He says the following to me and I quote ( with attitude and anger mind you ) " The only reason we are dealing with this is because you found out. I never treated you bad and wasn't planing on changing that. I was thinking of leaving but I wasn't sure. Maybe I would leave or maybe I wouldn't leave ever. This is now a problem only cause you learned of the affair."
I walk away from conversations with him speechless 9 X out of 10. My response this time was " well what your saying is , you wanted to have your cake and eat it to. Your mad that your side life was discovered but what you wanted is to live two lives at once???!!"
He then asked that we have all future conversation in front of a third party because HE FEELS that I twist his words around and manipulate what he says.
Now is this narsasision? Insanity? Psiosiopath ? Denial? Just plane a**hole? What?

Also my name here is Stuck on Hold because after almost 10 weeks I have yet to make and progress with this man. Progress as in getting him to understand the severity of our situation. To call what he is doing "sweeping under the rug" is an understatement. He will not and does not sit down and address a thing. He will not leave either. He says I should leave him alone and let him do the one thing he's good at at that's being a father. However he doesn't even see that by cheating on me he cheated on his children as well?!
I only agreed to speak to a counselor with him to see if I can get out what I need to address. To see if maybe with a third party he will have just the slightest minimal ounce of a wake up to where things are with the family. This is at a point where I'm afraid now. Not afraid for my life because he's not physical at all but afraid for my sanity. My children sanity and how dysfunctional all of this is?
I come here to TAM because it's so sad that a bunch of strangers are able to listen and see my point and the father of my children whom I married and shared a life with is so far gone in his affair fog that he can care less what I say. He just wants to cook dinner, take the kids for activities, pay the bills, buy me gifts, plan family vacations for the holidays like we just hit a bump in the road.


He also said, that if it wasnt this woman it would have been someone else because he was always searching to fill this void. Then when I repeat that back to him he says that I took that statement out of context and thats not what he meant..........Maybe I'm the one that's crazy
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Old 10-09-2013, 09:06 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: A letter to my serial cheater son to be ex husband

Is he still searching for voids to fill?
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Old 10-09-2013, 09:52 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by russell28 View Post
Is he still searching for voids to fill?
I really dont know . If I had to take a good guess.......YES he is but I think he will never fill his "void". My problem is that I will not be able to do anything to protect my son from this "void". He will make terrible choices because he will never be truly happy. Im "stuck" either way. My son looses the chances of having a full time father because he's insane. I dont know..........
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