WH claims to have used OW only for sex
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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 10-07-2013, 04:44 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default WH claims to have used OW only for sex

My WH had a three-year affair with a coworker. He says that she was convenient. He believes that she really loved him. Yet he says he only used her like a wh@re. That he told her what she wanted to hear so that she would keep having sex with him. She thought he would someday leave me and our children for her. Yet when I discovered the affair he chose to stay with me. How can someone just use another person for sex? Or is he downplaying his level of attachment?
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Old 10-07-2013, 04:51 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: WH claims to have used OW only for sex

All cheaters are LIARS. Big fat ones.

Please read this link

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Old 10-07-2013, 04:53 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: WH claims to have used OW only for sex

He is downplaying. No question in my mind.

3 year affair with someone that he works with EVERY DAY and then consummated that "friendship" with sex... for THREE YEARS!? Yeah, that doesn't happen. Men are human too.

He only told you that because women have a hard time forgiving a man giving his heart to another woman. I'd bet the farm that he loves her.

If I had to guess, I'd think that you have young children and a home, encompassing a relatively comfortable lifestyle.
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Old 10-07-2013, 04:53 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: WH claims to have used OW only for sex

He may be telling the truth about using her, but if he's that kind of person, he's probably using you as well even though he wants to stay with you.
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Old 10-07-2013, 04:56 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: WH claims to have used OW only for sex

I would imagine that the AP's story would be that she only slept with him because she wanted his friendship.

So sorry you are here.

Please keep posting. It will help you gain more clarity as you read all of the other views.
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Old 10-07-2013, 05:05 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: WH claims to have used OW only for sex

He chose his stuff. He didn't just choose you. You can ask him to sign over all of his assets to you and if he does, he chose you. If not....
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Old 10-07-2013, 05:12 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: WH claims to have used OW only for sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by Katey View Post
My WH had a three-year affair with a coworker. He says that she was convenient. He believes that she really loved him. Yet he says he only used her like a wh@re. That he told her what she wanted to hear so that she would keep having sex with him. She thought he would someday leave me and our children for her. Yet when I discovered the affair he chose to stay with me. How can someone just use another person for sex? Or is he downplaying his level of attachment?
Didn't you have sex with your WH so he needed to use someone else for sex?

He probably told OW what she wanted to hear but now he is telling you what you want to hear...
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Old 10-07-2013, 05:22 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: WH claims to have used OW only for sex

Unless you're a sociopath, its virtually impossible to have the closeness inherent in sex without getting emotionally attached. People who do little more than hunt and fish together have a bonding. Sounds to me like the BS is getting BS'd.
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Old 10-07-2013, 06:05 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Katey View Post
My WH had a three-year affair with a coworker. He says that she was convenient. He believes that she really loved him. Yet he says he only used her like a wh@re. That he told her what she wanted to hear so that she would keep having sex with him. She thought he would someday leave me and our children for her. Yet when I discovered the affair he chose to stay with me. How can someone just use another person for sex? Or is he downplaying his level of attachment?
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It was only sex! I thought monagamy was a integral part of marriage, or am I just misinformed. I don't get these WS that think if there is no emotional connection then it is OK. If you can not stay true to your spouse, then leave or do not get married in the first place. Well I guess I am not from around here.

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Old 10-07-2013, 06:11 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: WH claims to have used OW only for sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by Katey View Post
My WH had a three-year affair with a coworker. He says that she was convenient. He believes that she really loved him. Yet he says he only used her like a wh@re. That he told her what she wanted to hear so that she would keep having sex with him. She thought he would someday leave me and our children for her. Yet when I discovered the affair he chose to stay with me. How can someone just use another person for sex? Or is he downplaying his level of attachment?
Someone who is morally bankrupt and/or mentally abnormal?

If it can be afforded, a lie detector test might help.

You possibly could save this marriage. But... why on earth would you want to?
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Old 10-07-2013, 07:19 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: WH claims to have used OW only for sex

I swear cheaters all use the same script. My husband said something very similar. IMO it is never just sex. There were some additional needs being met, or he wouldnt have kept it up for 3 years!!!
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Old 10-07-2013, 07:43 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: WH claims to have used OW only for sex

The wording "claims" suggests that you're perhaps hopeful, if a little bit, that your husband is telling the truth and she means nothing, at least emotionally. Like I said, just a suggestion.

Let's assume it's true and he "just" banged her, and threw her under the bus in a heartbeat. Then what? What are you willing to do about it?
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Old 10-07-2013, 07:49 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: WH claims to have used OW only for sex

Why would you want to be with someone who had "just sex" with someone, and misled for 3 years?

Why would you want to be with someone who LIED (if he did) about it being "just sex" for 3 years?

Either way you slice it, this guy is not worthy of you...

...OR the OW....

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Old 10-07-2013, 07:56 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: WH claims to have used OW only for sex

[QUOTEHow can someone just use another person for sex? Or is he downplaying his level of attachment?

How can someone betray their spouse for three years with someone who meant nothing to them? To me that's way worse then a ws admitting that they loves the ap. Do you feel blessed that he "choose you"?
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Old 10-07-2013, 09:56 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: WH claims to have used OW only for sex

He may be telling the truth about using her.
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