Does my husband have feelings for another woman?
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Old 04-14-2010, 07:44 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Does my husband have feelings for another woman?

My husband is now back in touch with the a woman he used to work with, this has been going on since Christmas 2008 and I recently found all the emails. I don't know if always going back to her means that he has feelings for her. He stopped replying to her emails two months ago (I assume he felt guilty) and now he contacted her again.

Here's what he's done:

Exchanges over 500 emails with another married woman, all about sex
Keeps talking about what a great dad he is
Keeps telling her what a beautiful child she has, praising her
What a perfect wife she is, who sets the standards for every other woman he knows
What a lucky man her husband is
Goes out of his way to email her and see how she is, feeling insecure about her response
Months later, when she doesn't reply warmly, emails again baiting her with topics that would get her to write back (like how fast her child was growing)
Tells her to keep in touch, because she doesn't work there anymore
Tells her he REALLY hoped she was doing well too, when all she said was she hoped he was
Asks her to call him because he'd love to chat and was really looking forward to talking with her
When she didn't and asked him to call and speak to her husband, he did (to save her)
She finally goes to the office, he keeps talking about his kids again, how much he loves them and spoils them, showing off his fatherly skills
He asks her to come into his office and close the door
He touches her
She says no and promises to come back
He accepts and is disappointed, but tries his best to ensure she comes back
They talk about their families
He asks her to call him during the week so they can talk and they email when he's at work

He emailed her asking to get together because he "really needs to see her" and tells her how beautiful she is, how her make-up is always perfect... And "You're so cute..." when she makes a joke...

Does all of this mean that he has feelings for her? Or can it be just sex? YES I plan to leave him, I just really want to know if he has feelings for her.
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Old 04-14-2010, 08:35 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does my husband have feelings for another woman?

Hard to tell from just a post if he has feelings for her but as I read through it my first impression is that he is manipulating her for sex, nothing more. Either way if you want to save your marriage you need to confront him on this and the contact must end. If you don't want to save the marriage, print off the emails and give them to your attorney.
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Old 04-14-2010, 08:37 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does my husband have feelings for another woman?

Yes he has feeling for her. He is in an EA with her. Even when she has tried to stop he keeps trying to re-establish. Have you checked for texts on his cell phone?

How many kids do you have? How many kids does she have?
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Old 04-14-2010, 08:41 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does my husband have feelings for another woman?

We have a 3 year-old and a 18-month-old. She has an 18-month-old.

(Our due dates were two weeks apart, she was still working with him at the time. I remember him coming home at the time and telling me what a "different" pregnant woman she was, so even keeled, calm and collected, and how she never got stressed out, where as I would yell at him, etc.)

He is always the one trying to re-establish the relationship.

And no texts - they use email and apparently, phone calls.
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Old 04-14-2010, 08:46 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does my husband have feelings for another woman?

Do you want to be with him, given what you have found? Do you want your marriage to continue? Those are the questions you must ask yourself.
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Old 04-14-2010, 12:36 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does my husband have feelings for another woman?

Yes. He likes her a lot.
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Old 04-14-2010, 01:34 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Does my husband have feelings for another woman?

Quote:
Does all of this mean that he has feelings for her? Or can it be just sex? YES I plan to leave him, I just really want to know if he has feelings for her.
Since you are going to leave him rather than work on your marriage, why is the answer to this of any importance, at any time, in any way?
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