Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
Re: Just overheard a conversation I was not supposed to hear...
I see a common theme here. He had two EMOTIONAL affairs, meaning that he turned to other women for emotional support and ego stroking stuff. He just spoke to a buddy--he thought it was in private--and he told the buddy he gets more affection from the dog.
I am hearing a big message that he WANTS affection and will seek it out!!
So I'm not saying you do or do not have sex, or that it was okay for him to mention to his buddy that you haven't had sex because he can't get hard. No way! But I am saying that even though these things are very hurtful, they are a message, and the message is that "he wants affection." I don't want you to miss the message his actions and now his words are saying.
In real life, he wants affection.
Now, I completely understand that you may not feel anywhere near affection for him right now because he had two EAs and is blaming you for lack of sex when it's his physical issue! That would be enough to make anyone feel angry ...and thus, not very affectionate!
However, knowing that he craves affection could be a key to turning this around. I don't mean this mean, because I'm a person in my 50's myself, and the fact is that physically things are different than they were in my 20's, 30's or even 40's! But there are things Dear Hubby and I still do to express all kinds of affection: from kissing and hugging, to winking, holding hands when we sit, sitting right by each other, somethings leaning against each other, cuddling, etc. Not all sex is intercourse. Shoot we even tried going in the back seat of a car and "making out" like teenagers and it was hot as jalapenos and no intercourse!
So hear his message. He craves affection. Then find out what would be affection to him and explain why YOUR affection isn't flowing right now because he keeps throwing up roadblocks.