Just overheard a conversation I was not supposed to hear...
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Old 10-08-2013, 12:29 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Just overheard a conversation I was not supposed to hear...

So H had two EA's on me...and things have not been that great before those EA's and after them...with one of the reasons being that he has ED and no libido due to antidepressants he was on until 2 years ago....yes you heard right he still has the effects of them two years later...so no intimacy or sex for over two years....

Okay...so today I was listening to the messages on our voice mail at home and his friend must have pocket dialed him by mistake and him and his friend were talking at his place and I heard his buddy say how are things at home and H said not great...and his buddy said so what are you saying she did not greet you after you being away for two weeks with open arms and open legs and you said no are you kidding...I get more affection from the dog....so obviously he did not tell his freind about his sexual issues....I was lived...

I phoned him up and said what the hell I heard everything you said....

He said I was jsut joking because his friend who is single does not get anything either....

Would you be mad about this? To me something does not sit right...obviously his friend knows about our relationship because why would he ask how everything is at home...so that tells me that H probably compalins/*****es about me quite a bit. Am I reading too mcuh into this....
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Old 10-08-2013, 12:33 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just overheard a conversation I was not supposed to hear...

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Originally Posted by highwood View Post
So H had two EA's on me...and things have not been that great before those EA's and after them...with one of the reasons being that he has ED and no libido due to antidepressants he was on until 2 years ago....yes you heard right he still has the effects of them two years later...so no intimacy or sex for over two years....

Okay...so today I was listening to the messages on our voice mail at home and his friend must have pocket dialed him by mistake and him and his friend were talking at his place and I heard his buddy say how are things at home and H said not great...and his buddy said so what are you saying she did not greet you after you being away for two weeks with open arms and open legs and you said no are you kidding...I get more affection from the dog....so obviously he did not tell his freind about his sexual issues....I was lived...

I phoned him up and said what the hell I heard everything you said....

He said I was jsut joking because his friend who is single does not get anything either....

Would you be mad about this? To me something does not sit right...obviously his friend knows about our relationship because why would he ask how everything is at home...so that tells me that H probably compalins/*****es about me quite a bit. Am I reading too mcuh into this....
Yes you are. Many guys joke back and forth about, "getting any at home".
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Old 10-08-2013, 12:34 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just overheard a conversation I was not supposed to hear...

Hell yes I would be pissed.

I am no dr but I find it highly suspicious that he still feels the effects of medication two years after the fact.............
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Old 10-08-2013, 12:36 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just overheard a conversation I was not supposed to hear...

He complains to his friend (in a typical male way). You complain to the world. Sounds pretty normal!
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Old 10-08-2013, 12:41 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just overheard a conversation I was not supposed to hear...

Okay...so mixed opinions....I guess mixed about it is what I am feeling....

Hope SSRI's can really **** a person up...even years after they stop taking them....it is called postSSRI sexual dysfunction.
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Old 10-08-2013, 12:46 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just overheard a conversation I was not supposed to hear...

I would say it's normal men staying stupid **** to men. Business as usual I'd say.
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Old 10-08-2013, 12:51 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just overheard a conversation I was not supposed to hear...

That's just dumb guy shyte...let it go.

If he could listen in on you and your BFF, wouldn't he hear you dropping some negative comments about him?
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Old 10-08-2013, 12:55 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just overheard a conversation I was not supposed to hear...

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He complains to his friend (in a typical male way). You complain to the world. Sounds pretty normal!
To me all it means is that he acted like a thoughtless, lying jerk.

I'd be tempted to contact his friend and tell him: it's harder to be affectionate since my husband has ED, but I do the best I can.

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Old 10-08-2013, 12:59 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just overheard a conversation I was not supposed to hear...

He's not going to tell his friend that he's the reason you guys don't have sex, so he probably tells him you're the reason.... I would never talk to my friends about their wives, or my wife in a sexual way, and if one ever said 'spread her legs' to me about my wife, I'd consider it crossing a boundary.. I'd be upset by that.. but that's me, many guys wouldn't care..
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Old 10-08-2013, 01:13 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just overheard a conversation I was not supposed to hear...

I think its bad for the marriage for either spouse to denigrate the other to outsiders. We are supposed to have each other's back.

Even amoungst us guys there are ways to respond, or duck, the question without putting our spouses down.
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Old 10-08-2013, 01:29 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just overheard a conversation I was not supposed to hear...

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I think its bad for the marriage for either spouse to denigrate the other to outsiders. We are supposed to have each other's back.

Even amoungst us guys there are ways to respond, or duck, the question without putting our spouses down.
Exactly. I would never talk to anyone about my husband that way, and if I ever found out he was doing this he'd be in big trouble.

Saying that he's just doing the typical guy thing is a cop out. If that's a typical guy thing then guys are pigs. 'I get more affection from the dog"??? Wow.

A simple "Things haven't been great but we're working it out together" would have been fine.
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Old 10-08-2013, 01:39 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just overheard a conversation I was not supposed to hear...

I would think under "normal" circumstances that he is just playing it with his friend.

After two EAs and no sex because of his problem, I would think this is a snapshot of his lack of respect for you.

It sounds like he didn't learn his lesson with the EAs.

Where are you with the marriage? Are you considering a D? In limbo? Still working on the R?

It is hard to make opinions that are meaningful without some of the background information.
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Old 10-08-2013, 06:08 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just overheard a conversation I was not supposed to hear...

If my wife was frigid, or had dry vag issues, and rather than admit it to a friend she threw me to the dogs so to speak, I would understand...i think you are over reacting

do you honestly expect a man to say to his bud "she wouldnt throw open legs at me, I cant get it up anymore...I have ED...dont tell anyone" ???...really...???

wow...do you understand the male psyche at all??? LOL
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Old 10-08-2013, 09:03 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just overheard a conversation I was not supposed to hear...

highwood,

I see a common theme here. He had two EMOTIONAL affairs, meaning that he turned to other women for emotional support and ego stroking stuff. He just spoke to a buddy--he thought it was in private--and he told the buddy he gets more affection from the dog.

I am hearing a big message that he WANTS affection and will seek it out!!

So I'm not saying you do or do not have sex, or that it was okay for him to mention to his buddy that you haven't had sex because he can't get hard. No way! But I am saying that even though these things are very hurtful, they are a message, and the message is that "he wants affection." I don't want you to miss the message his actions and now his words are saying.

In real life, he wants affection.

Now, I completely understand that you may not feel anywhere near affection for him right now because he had two EAs and is blaming you for lack of sex when it's his physical issue! That would be enough to make anyone feel angry ...and thus, not very affectionate!

However, knowing that he craves affection could be a key to turning this around. I don't mean this mean, because I'm a person in my 50's myself, and the fact is that physically things are different than they were in my 20's, 30's or even 40's! But there are things Dear Hubby and I still do to express all kinds of affection: from kissing and hugging, to winking, holding hands when we sit, sitting right by each other, somethings leaning against each other, cuddling, etc. Not all sex is intercourse. Shoot we even tried going in the back seat of a car and "making out" like teenagers and it was hot as jalapenos and no intercourse!

So hear his message. He craves affection. Then find out what would be affection to him and explain why YOUR affection isn't flowing right now because he keeps throwing up roadblocks.
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Old 10-08-2013, 09:33 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just overheard a conversation I was not supposed to hear...

I think you'r overreacting, but I'm a guy so...
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