edith

My husband has been carrying out an emotional affair with a woman he used to work with for a year and a half. They have scheduled to get together more than once, but one of them always backs out. But even when he's the one stopping contact, it doesn't take long for him to go after her again - and he's always the one initiating contact.

I know from over 500 emails I found that they have discussed their families, A LOT of sex talk - including phone calls -, she went to his office once and he tried to get her to touch him and she said no, he wants her to go back to work with him, he wanted to go to HER HOUSE and meet her there, because he couldn't wait to see her (she said no). Then he suggested they meet even at a parking lot wherever her appointment was, because he couldn't wait... she also said no.

He has called her beautiful, talked about how perfect her make-up is, tells her she's cute when she makes jokes, told her that he j****d off thinking of her HUNDREDS of times, has sworn on the life of our children to make her believe one of his promises, she sent him a birthday gift.... countless things.

Do all of these things mean that he thinks about leaving me for her? Or can it be just sex?

Janie

Edith,

It sounds like your only concern is whether he will leave you. Are you not concerned about him having sex with this other woman? And are you bothered by this emotional affair? Or just the possibility he will leave?

edith

Yes, I am concerned , but I can't leave him before it actually happens because they've scheduled to do it next week. I have a lot of things to do before I tell him that I know.

I just need to know his level of involvement with her because it helps me to prepare emotionally, so please be honest... thank you.

txmaninblack

I would have to wonder that too, after 500 emails and all that, its more of emotional cheating, he has tried to initiate cheating. It is a tough situation and we dunno the entire details but its a rock and hard place position. Yours is a little more cold cut in my mind, than my situation but that is me.

Janie

Sheesh, it's hard to say. They are definitely involved in an emotional affair, although playing cat-and-mouse about progressing from there.

What is going to happen next week? A scheduled meeting? If so, what are the odds one will back out? Seems to be their usual outcome...

I think you shouldn't wait until next week. Expose it now. Why hold onto this toxic material? How would that benefit? You've already caught him and keeping this inside will eat you up. Even IF they haven't had a physical affair (yet), the subject of their emails is in no way platonic - it's WAY over the line.

There are many threads on this site about emotional affairs (I've only read a few, I'm new here), but I would suggest looking for longer discussion threads. There is much useful information there.

The bottom line is: he must stop. And he must sever all contact with this woman. OR give you up. You will not live like this. And nobody could expect you to.

Read through some other threads, gather up your materials (print out the emails) and confront him with what you know. Other threads on this site will give you step-by-step instructions on how to handle the confrontation.

Be proactive and strong.

Good luck!

pearl18

I wouldn't wait for it to go to the next level! He is already in an emotionl affair which by itself causes intense feelings. Usually, EAs progress to physical affairs. Why would you want to wait for that to happen. Technically, he is already cheating and in fact, EAs are sometimes more difficult to end than physical affairs. If you are simply looking for a reason to end your marriage, and want there to be a physical act as proof of what he did, then maybe that is why you are waiting. However, if you want any hope for your relationship to survive, adding the physical aspect will only make recovery that much harder.

I've heard that a woman become connected & consider what is happening as an "affair" just from a kiss A guy doesn't become connected or consider it an affair until there is sex. By waiting, you are setting him up to be connected to this woman & make things much harder if you hope for reconciliation.

Good Luck

NightOwl

Do the emails mean he is absolutely set on leaving you: no.

If you JUST went by the hundred of chat logs between my partner and the OW, you would swear he was going to leave me for her. They talked specifics about him moving in with her and everything, up until the day before he confessed the affair to me. When he confessed he also told me that she was abusive and he was miserable with her and begged for a second chance from me! This is after telling her mere hours prior, that he was absolutely going to break up with me to be with her. He has trouble being honest when he knows it will cause confrontation so he just told her what she wanted to hear. He broke up with her the minute I told him it had to end between them, and hasn't looked back since.

Unfortunately it seems that my partner is the exception, most people retain an emotional bond with their affair partner and it can be dicey to work out. They have this idealized, hormone driven concept of the other person that can be hard to shake. So will your husband leave you for her? Maybe, maybe not. If he leaves, he may realize it was a mistake, and want another chance. If he stays he may find it hard to completely cut if off with her, it sounds like he's in deep emotionally. If you are both willing to address WHY he has this escapist relationship - what is he trying to escape FROM in his life - then I think you can rebuild.

Keely

If you want to stay married to him, then step in before they have a proper ****, so that he comes back off the edge and you can discuss your marriage deficits and work with a marriage guidance.

By not telling him you know what is going on behind your back, you are "aiding and abetting" their physical adultery to happen. Once his penis has been in her love tunnel, all sorts of emotions and kissing will bond them together from "going all the way".

If it was me, I would be having a talk with miss muffet so she gets the message loud and clear that she has been caught out. I wouldn't wait to be further humiliated by the physical act taking place.