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Examples of the cheater's Script in this thread A resource.

89K views 300 replies 108 participants last post by  MAJDEATH 
#1 · (Edited)
Since starting my time at TAM I have learned a great deal about the Cheater's Script.

It seems that almost everyone who has an affair be they a doctor, a lawyer, a mechanic or a secretary, follows, by-and-large, the Cheater's Script.

This morning on the way to work, I had an idea for a thread which would collect all the Cheater's Script nonsense that cheaters seem to follow.

I'll start of with a few, please add your own. Hopefully this thread will become a useful resource.

I love you, but I'm no longer in love with you.

Claims that the marriage has been "bad" for x number of months/years, though said nothing about this alleged problem beforehand.

And now it's your turn to add some examples culled from the Cheater's Script!:D
 
#35 ·
I am at Walmart.

We only kissed.

"We had Sex!!!!" and the rest of times we met we sat on a wall and talked about how bad we felt.

You were depressed.

You looked at porn.

You weren't there when my mother died.

I am not seeing anyone.

You are crazy, do I need to take you to a hospital and have you committed.

The bed in the back of the SUV is for the dog.

I am out buying white christmas lights. She said this four times. and we bought white christmas lights earlier in the year.

I need space.

You are controlling.

I am out with my GF's (she had none locally).

I love you.

At least I am a heterosexual.
 
#40 ·
Love that one.. basically, says "I'll spread my legs for anyone.. all these years with you, it was nothing special..." I guess if you had time to come up with a response.. the good one for this would be:

"You really should have told me that sex didn't mean anything to you before I married you.. all these years I stupidly thought it was something special, not meaningless... thanks for pointing out to me how it's not really all that important, and I suppose now that I think about it.. you're not exactly a porn star in the bedroom, perhaps you should care more about it..." :p
 
#38 · (Edited)
"Time to go back out of town on business for a few days."

"Don't call me. I'll be in meetings. Let me call you!"

"Sorry, something came up(likely her BF's appendage). I've got to stay over an extra night. Just take care of the ranch chores for me!"

Then upon returning home one morning, two hours later, left to go back, saying, "Sorry honey, but they're needing me back down there! Will see you tomorrow afternoon and I'll make it up to you then. Thanks for being so sweet!"
 
#39 ·
"I thought you didn't love me anymore..."
(imagine what I thought, since I was the one not getting any affection or attention, and the one always saying I love you, never saying I love you too... I was wearing my wedding ring..)

"You were controlling"
(so controlling I had no idea you were cheating for half a decade)

"You never took me anywhere"
(dinner twice a week, movies, disney twice, universal studios twice, cape cod, boston, maine, too many trips to list... always get rooms on the ocean, rooms with jacuzzi's if no kids... used to drive by motels and say 'want to get a room for the afternoon' and would hear 'we can't afford it'... I guess she meant I never took her to her boyfriends apartment and dropped her off)

"He was a friend"
(do all your friends help you lie and cheat to destroy your family and abuse your husband? Nice friend.. glad I don't have any friends like that)
 
#45 · (Edited)
DRUM ROLL. . . And the three winners in our cheater's script are:
IDK. . . I don't know.
ICR. . . I can't remember.
INS. . . I'm not sure.

(For the newbies and if I may say so, a prize-winning example of Trickle Truth. . .)
No, she was NOT at our apartment.
(Weeks later) She might have been at our apt.
(Months later) I think she was at our apartment. I'm really not sure.
(More months later. . . Wait for it. . . )
I remember now - she was at our apartment because the cat hissed at her. :rofl::rofl::rofl:
(Sheesh! Wish I was as smart as the cat.:scratchhead:)

(And in no particular order. . . )
You know everything now.
We just kissed.
She wasn't even a friend.
We just talked.
There is nothing more to tell.
Of course she didn't flirt with me. :p
She was talking about how she wanted to get back with her ex and she was asking me for advice. :rofl: (OW, you came to the right place. Snigger!)
She texted me every day. I just answered her texts. :lol:
We kissed cos when I dropped her home she said "Aren't you going to kiss me goodnight". :slap:
(Heck, WS didn't stand a chance now did he! That was one bossy OW.:ezpi_wink1:)

Great thread MattMatt. I've got a truckload of these - I'll 'trickle' them :D
 
#48 ·
Similar to some already posted...

"we only hugged....as friends..."

after pressure applied turns into..

"we only kissed....as friends..."

after more pressure applied..

" I didn't tell you about our meetings in the park while you were at work because I didn't want you to be mad.....you wouldn't understand.."

after evidence presented...

"we just sat in the car....we didn't have sex.."
 
#49 ·
Another in the script is the reaction and attempt to acquire your soul when you offer R.

It basically goes like: “If you (insert massive list of things they want from you to change about yourself no matter how nonsensical or impossible they are) , I will end this friendship.”

Basically they are offering to stop doing something they know they shouldn’t be doing anyway if you serve up your soul on a platter. And if you fail at any of it (keep in mind some of those request will counter each other) that is ‘implied permission’ to continue their outside friendship. Also keep in mind that what they envision will be some fantasy and probably not at all like you think will meet those requirements. “Show me more respect” could very well mean “never disagree with me”... but you won’t know and they can change it to whatever it is you weren’t doing as proof of a failure.
 
#59 ·
A little off topic, but wouldn't it be GREAT to go into a D with the same ILYBNILWY speech you heard from your WS?
lol... I did do that. I gave her the version that I finally really knew what that meant because it's how I felt about her; Love of a family member like her love for her sister (alcoholic who never got straight and couldn't be trusted) versus love in a romantic sense; Someone you could trust and adored.

It was sort of when she knew it was over. She did start changing and we are still together though.
 
#51 ·
Actually heard by my uncle in a D case: "All the men in my past were either cheaters or abusive, so it was time that I got my revenge on all men everywhere."
 
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#52 ·
1) Refusing marriage counseling and wants to "focus on the future" rather than "dwell on the past". This is a red flag she fears her affair being discovered by the therapist who might be able to read her mind or who has enough experience to see the warning signs which the BS is missing.

2) Attending MC and doing just the minimum to keep the BS thinking she wants to save the marriage. In reality she is not making a genuine effort.

3) WS accusing the BS of cheating out of the blue with no reason.

4) Responding to questions about suspicious events with anger, counter accusations, and calling the BS paranoid or having "trust issues".
 
#53 ·
There are too many different types of affairs to put them in a script! I know back in the day when I was caught I had no excuse I liked variety and you caught me. Of course I felt guilty and rarely was the sex ever better than my girlfriend now wife, but it was different and new and that's why I did it.

Finally I figured out I was just trying to fill a void and have been faithful for 19 years.
 
#62 ·
I think I got all of the classics. Lol! Thanks for sharing everyone. It is almost funny how it runs so similar in so many cases.

Too bad it hurts so much when you first hear it, and still want to avoid the reality.

I hope we have helped a few lurkers that have been reading these comments, and are saying to themselves, "that is what my spouse is telling me."

Lurkers, read and learn. ;)
 
#66 ·
Oh, I want to play this game too-

Straight from her mouth on D-day.

"I don't know why I did it"- Oh yeah, this one. Lies. Truth: "I did it cause it felt good and it was a rush to deceive you. I really kinda hated you during the affair. That's why I'd sucked another man off and took his D! k up my a$$ and then come home, have sex with you and tell you "I luv you". I did it for the power, sex and deception of you. And I loved every second of it."

"It's not you, it's me"- Well, kinda. But it is really me, you had zero respect for me and gave yourself to POSOM. Cause you valued his sperm more than mine- the father of your child. Yep.

"I'm in love with you. Don't leave me. I love you"-

Or the truth and translated from 'cheater speak'- "I love the security of having you. I love parading a hubby around who was a model and now a firefighter. I like telling all my friends I got you. And at the same time, using your love and emotions against you. All the while doormating and attempting to beta you, and having you under my thumb.. Yes, honey. I love you so much"

I'm sure there's more. But that's just some of the Sh!t I think about.
 
#72 ·
I can't wait to use some of her lines against her as the D goes on.

One's that I got were.

"I'm sorry that I have so many guy friends"

"I love you but I'm not in love with you"

" I don't know why I did anything with him; You are so much more."

She had many many more.
 
#73 ·
Here's one more that I heard from my exWW a couple of months after I had moved out, she beat me to filing for a D, and I had started dating again....

She said, "you are a cheater and adulter" to me. Lol!

This was from a woman that had been in a year+ PA/EA with a co-worker, and at least a concurrent EA with my former best friend.

I all could muster, with a big grin, was, "sure as Hell takes one to know one." :D
 
#74 ·
At least you are honest. I guess you did it because you live in a no fault state and no longer cared. In a no fault state, cheating has little consequence in the division of marital assets.

But the caveat for others is that in some states, dating during a legal separation is cheating and will hurt the spouse is a state where filing for fault is common.
 
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