Need advice. Wife very secretive about facebook/sms. Relationship on the whole ok and sex is good. Yet I followed her recently on facebook and she is having a sort of affair. It is very light, mildly explicit with a guy half her age. Just some general hugs and kisses and yes you can touch my breasts (virtual) type thing. They have never met.
Yet what confuses me most is when she receives a facebook compliment from this guy, our sex is wonderful. It has been going on for about 6 weeks now.
I asked her direct and she denied the facebook activity. I am confused as to what is really going on here. She remains warm and loving.
He is single and still a virgin. Lives abroad so meet extremely unlikely without me knowing. However I have just seen a facebook comment that they are intending to move across to skype. Unfortunately I can't monitor this.
Could this be the start of a slippery slide to relationship doom?
One thing that you could do is to copy off all of the evidence that you have. Then you can use it to confront her.
Tell her that you will not accept your wife flirting with any man online. You will not accept her Skype-ing with a man who told could touch her body.
You will need to have a plan of what you expect from her. Do not confront until you have your plan.
• NO contact. she has to write him a no-contact letter.
• You both have to give each other the passwords to all of your online accounts, computers, cell phones.
• You both agree that the other can snoop in your stuff at any time.
• My H and I also agreed that we would have key loggers on our computers so that the other could see what we were up to at all times. The best kind of key loggers are ones that either send out report logs via email or to a web site. If one of you deletes the key logger, it’s taken a proof of sneaking around for an affair.
Get the book “Surviving an Affair” by Dr. Harley. It will help you figure out what to do.
This could be EXTREMELY dangerous. She is getting emotional fulfillment from someone OUTSIDE of the marriage, and she is already lying to you about it.
She may be getting the toxic idea that "maybe I can have a little something on the side...what could it hurt?", and if she is getting high off of the attention she is getting from this POSOM, she may very well start fishing for compliments and validation from others, perhaps guys she knows in person, or co-workers, etc.
thought about that but confronting her with the evidence highlights that I behaved in an untrustworthy way to. I mean I did it because I was suspicious but nonetheless I have peeked in her account
It's amazing how pervasive this kind of thinking is among betrayed spouses. Not that I am helping OP here but wow. You snoop on your wife, catch her cheating (emotionally) and you feel guilty for snooping?
There is something terribly wrong with the world if this is guilt worthy.
I never had a hesitation or a moment of second guessing whether my wayward spouse deserved monitoring.
There are a lot of us who had that complete shock. Sometimes it's hard to remember how shocked I was. But the sooner you can stop trying to find all the implausible and far-fetched reasons to explain it away, and the sooner you can begin focusing on the simple truth of what you see and hear, the better off you will be.