Zoombak has worked well for me. Expensive ($100, plus $15 a month), but you can log in from any computer and figure out where it is. Only question is if you can hide it long enough and if the batteries last long enough between chances to charge it.
Maybe it's just me, but what good are these tracking devices, internet filters, etc., if you don't have honesty, integrity and communication going in your marriage?
I don't know the circumstances of what's going on, but I wonder if it may not be better to try to communicate better or seek counseling of some sort? (Sorry, don't mean to presume)
Here's why: when my wife confronted me, I just got pissed, denied it and wouldn't talk about it. I didn't care if I had evidence staring me in the face: I felt condemned and judged and it drove us apart. (Just something to consider)
They are NECESSARY when your partner decides to cheat.
Why?
Because if YOU want to save your marriage, and your spouse is cheating, YOU have to find the evidence, confront your spouse, ask them to stop, and if they won't, EXPOSE the affair to the important people in your spouse's life and the other person's life, so you can STOP the affair.
ONLY THEN can you ever hope to get your marriage back - when the THIRD PERSON is out of the picture.
Will the CHEATER be mad, pissed, refuse to talk, and deny? Of course they will.
Until they realize that their entire family and friends circle now knows and won't let them get away with ruining a whole bunch of people's lives, and they stop for a second and question their actions.
(and no, I have never been cheated on -that I know of)
When my wife confronted me, I just got pissed, denied it and wouldn't talk about it. I didn't care if I had evidence staring me in the face: I felt condemned and judged and it drove us apart. (Just something to consider)
T: I see where you're coming from.
Yet, at the same time, I can't really see how it would work out in the long run. Sure, you can confront your spouse with evidence & expose the affair, as you say, but what's going to keep them from starting a new one or denying it despite being confronted with the evidence?
Besides, if you attempt to communicate with your spouse and they continue to operate outside the realm of honesty, integrity, and vulnerability and refuse to change, I'm not sure there's much (if any) relationship there you'd want to salvage anyway. (Just me thinking out loud here...)
c4s, one of the side benefits of exposure is humility. When a cheater is cheating, they are on a high. They feel invincible, sneaky, ahead of the game. Big big big ego boost. Keep lying cos it works; everyone else is stupid enough to believe them.
Exposure brings them back down to earth. OMG, now my mom knows I lied to her, my sister, my husband, my dad. How will I ever live this down?
And then the betrayed spouse holds his hand out and says "I will stand by you. I'll defend you. I love you no matter what."
Very humbling. Which can be a huge factor in making someone want to stop lying.
c4s, one of the side benefits of exposure is humility. When a cheater is cheating, they are on a high. They feel invincible, sneaky, ahead of the game. Big big big ego boost. Keep lying cos it works; everyone else is stupid enough to believe them.
Exposure brings them back down to earth. OMG, now my mom knows I lied to her, my sister, my husband, my dad. How will I ever live this down?
And then the betrayed spouse holds his hand out and says "I will stand by you. I'll defend you. I love you no matter what."
Very humbling. Which can be a huge factor in making someone want to stop lying.
T: that makes sense; I never thought about it that way (the humility angle). I guess I automatically assume that someone caught would deny it... But if they don't then it seems that healing can move forward and a restoration of trust can begin. Cool.
People who are caught in an affair (or any other immoral behavior, for that matter) tend to deny it. I am inclined to beleive that the main reason for gathering proof is NOT in order to get them to confess, or change their ways.
That would be a very nice thing, and it sometimes happens, but quite often not.
The reason to gather evidence is for the loyal, betrayed spouse. Instead of a sneaking suspicion that something is wrong, it is right there, obvious and unhidden. With proof, the loyal spouse can move on to the next steps in the recovery process - something that is not likely to happen as long as they are hampered by mere suspicion.
For c4s:
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Yet, at the same time, I can't really see how it would work out in the long run. Sure, you can confront your spouse with evidence & expose the affair, as you say, but what's going to keep them from starting a new one or denying it despite being confronted with the evidence?
While a new affair is always a possibility - there are steps you can take to make this less of a risk. Almost every affair begins because of some problems in the relationship that are not being addressed. Usually those problems involve both partners (and a lack of communicating the problem).
I see 'communication' as a secondary problem. The real issue is not communication, or a lack of it (silence is a form of communication) but a lack of assessing or locating problems - and then talking about THOSE problems. Until issues can be found and identified, and then communicated, there will always be problems.
And if you simply stop an affair - but do not actively work to find and eliminate or overcome those problems (and any different ones that may arise) you are still in the same place you were when the affair started - and another is quite likely to happen - evidenced by what people call 'serial' cheating.
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Besides, if you attempt to communicate with your spouse and they continue to operate outside the realm of honesty, integrity, and vulnerability and refuse to change, I'm not sure there's much (if any) relationship there you'd want to salvage anyway. (Just me thinking out loud here...)
Communicating (properly done) is between two people. If you are attempting to communicate with your partner - and they are 'refusing to change' - the issue is that you are just talking at them. This is why it is so important to emphasize that it is NEVER enough to just stop the affair. Nor is it ever enough to just 'go back' to the way things were. Instead, an entirely new relationship must be created - taking all of the good from the past, and eliminating (as much as possible) the bad.
This takes commitment from both parties, and requires diligence and constant work.
Communicating (properly done) is between two people. If you are attempting to communicate with your partner - and they are 'refusing to change' - the issue is that you are just talking at them.
QFT!! (Quoted for TRUTH!)
This is an important point that many people miss. If there are two in the relationship and one says "This, this and this has to happen" and the other person "refuses to change" they are not communicating. The second person is being controlled and told what to do. Communicating would be the first person indicating that in their assessment this is what they think or saying this is what they would request...and then the second person indicating their opinion differs greatly and they think it needs THAT or saying they will not do the request but they would do THAT. Make sense?
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This is why it is so important to emphasize that it is NEVER enough to just stop the affair. Nor is it ever enough to just 'go back' to the way things were. Instead, an entirely new relationship must be created - taking all of the good from the past, and eliminating (as much as possible) the bad.
This takes commitment from both parties, and requires diligence and constant work.
QTF AGAIN!!! It is not enough to just stop the affair. If that's all that happens, then the behaviors that lead to vulnerability are still continuing. If you stop the affair, it just leaves a blank "hole" and eventually someone will try to fill that hole with something. So in the great big picture there's a lot to do to end the affair... and THEN roman numeral part dieux: RECOVER THE MARRIAGE. You fill the hole with behaviors that reduce vulnerability!
This was exactly why I did it. She's too good a liar. If I hadn't know the truth, she would have been convincing.
Knowing the truth before you confront your spouse gives you strength.
TC, others who've used these types of devices to catch a cheating spouse:
I'm curious how has that worked for you; I mean how did your spouse respond when confronted and where are you guys now (if you feel comfortable sharing)?
c4s, go over to marriagebuilders.com and read in their infidelity forum. They're real big on tracking and exposure over there, and I've seen some HUGE successes. It works because it's based on psychology. We do what works for us, what feels good. Once an affair no longer feels good, we stop. You can't MAKE someone quit cheating. But you CAN make it not so great an option any more. And then it's their decision.
GPS device - used it 
Helping couples recover and reconcile after an affair or keep their marriages affair-free at 
