So I've been dating this girl for about two months now and she's very easy going and we have ALOT in common...even down to our tastes and habits. This has been a refresher.
We did have a small hiccup over my vasectomy (I've been married, divirced wiht two kids etc but she's spent all her life in med school etc and in her mid 30's but still has noncommittal hopes of starting a family etc 50/50 according to her....which I have nothing against). Somehow we found middle ground.
Now I'm very open minded and I give people a fair shot but I've noticed often (not constantly but very regularly) goes out with male friends (dinner and a movie, or meeting up for dinner) but it's usually not in a group. Different guys she says she's met over the yrs throug grad school, med school etc but 90% of the time it's just her and a guy friend. Occassionally they are in a group but thats usually a rarity.
I have a gut feeling there might be more to it from a guys perspective. I know few guys who go out solo with girls they have no plans on banging or haven't banged (lets be real here). I don't go out with girls in that manner since I've been with her, yet she once complained about me often referencing my exes in conversations when discussing lifes experiences.
We also haven't exactly seen Aston's scorecard. How old are you? Are you in shape? Are you at least as high an earner as she?
Women aren't hot for older men as older men would like to think. Even my fiancé's EA when she described her boyfriend to my fiancé framed his age -- 11 years older than she (exactly the same age gap that she and my fiancé had) as a negative.
I should also add that her boyfriend was married at the time they met; he may have been officially separated. (His FB wall does not make that clear).
From the e-mails and text messages between them, it appeared that she gotten some therapy as she wrote that "my weight doesn't define me." That sounds like psychobabble to me. and my fiancé noted once in a draft e-mail that he never sent to her that she was pissed that she didn't get the attention that she wanted from guys at the bars.
But she was (and given her latest photo on Facebook must still be) 50 pounds overweight. I can only imagine that a hot, well paid 30 something would think that he could do better than someone who looks already as if she's had 4 kids when she hasn't even gotten started. If her collection of friends on Facebook was any indication, it looked as if she got friendzoned quite a bit herself.
If it was this complicated just 2 months in, I would have already left. Why stay, fall in love and get to see what all the other complications are. Sounds as if it's not much fun as well!
One of my former dates was Greek and her family was running fast to the point where they would have wanted me to go retrieve the golden fleece with Iason and The Argonauts, just to go out with their daughter.
And my mom is from Crete and dad is from Thessaloniki.
We've been very sporadically texting. I think she's got something to say because her texts have been quite distant as have mine. I just want to get this thing over with.
So she gets back yesterday and we had a very pleasant evening. Great dinner, wine, conversation, Sinatra, and I even had a cigar (which I like about her because she's the only woman I've dated that tolerates my occasional stogie).
No sex but we had a very pleasant evening. I didn't bring up the talk yet because she's going to London this weekend (she leaves tomorrow afternoon) and she will be staying with my brother in Wembley...I don't want to ruin the trip but stirring up conflict yet.
Well this morning I get up earlier than usual since I have meetings with our foreign operations folks (time zone issue). Well I'm in the shower and she walks into the bathroom. As it turns out she decided to look through my phone andsaw messages she deemed inappropriate. So now I'm pissed.....2 months firstly she's talking husband and kids, talking her family not accepting me, running around with other people on dates and now snooping on my phone and accusing me of being inappropriate? I was so flabagasted I didn't even know where to begin!
I swear if she wasn't going to be staying with my brother I'd have ended it today. Especially since she's already shipped her bridal dress etc there.
She left herself wide open for you to lay your cards on the table with her.
When she started giving you grief about the messages on your phone is when you should have told her about her and her "dates" that she has no problem going on. But instead, your more worried about her upcoming trip. Bull $h!t! You should have laid it on the line about her going out with these guys and threw it back in her face.
If she's sending her wedding gown to your brothers house, I think you better sit her down real quick and tell her what's on your mind before it's too late. You gotta set up some boundaries for her and let her know that these casual dates with guys have to come to a stop or she can send the wedding gown back and get her money back. Quit playing games and hash this thing out now.
No she wasn't, and I was 30 minutes late for work! . For me it's simple, I've never given her reason to worry or doubt..if anything I'm the one that should be worried and for good reason.
That she even decided to look at my phone to me means she has trust issues there which she could have addressed with me directly without spying on my phone. Unacceptable to just snoop on my phone. I'm sure she wouldn't have told me she looked at my phone if I had it locked or wiped all my messaging. I've been very open with her is why I'm livid.
I also think sometimes when people are up to no good, they become suspiciously irrational...if you know what I mean.
She's going to London for a wedding. And she's in the bridal party. And you're 5,000 miles away. And she's hot. And there will be English men there.
And how distraught she'll be that she caught you in this behavior just before she left. She'll need comforting. And those English accents...
I'm just having fun with you. The hot bridesmaid doesn't ALWAYS get laid. Even if she DID catch you in this inappropriate texting just before she left.
Go home early and pack her sh!t in garbage bags and tell her you want her gone. Tell her she is a hypocrite for spying on your phone and giving you grief while she goes out with other men playing ariound and probably throwing her legs up for them.
Why are you suffering with this? The longer it goes on, the harder it will be to get your answer. Give her a call in the UK or wherever she is and let her know that your pissed that she made accusations that were unwarranted and ask her why she can go to dinner and movies with other guys and not think a thing about it.
Give her a chance to answer the questions and LISTEN TO HER ANSWERS. her answers will tell you everything. At least you can have a clear mind because if it's not this thing with her being in a wedding it will be something else.
I think this is the case. These days my antenna is very attuned to criticism and you have to be confident within yourself to decide whether the criticism has merit or you're just being set up.
In the early days with my (future) fiance, we had settled in to the habit that I would regularly spend from Friday to Sunday afternoon together at his place.
My fiance's a nerd and not a good housekeeper. I finally decided to just start tidying up around his place. I realise that everyone (like my mother) can have very specific ideas to what a "clean" kitchen looks like. But on this occasion I just put dishes in the dishwashing, washed the pots and pans and wiped up the surfaces.
Do you know that by the evening he had nerve to call me to tell me that I had not cleaned up his kitchen enough. I was unapologetic and told him that it was cleaner than before I started and he should be thankful for that. What I didn't say but thought was, that "just a friend ex" of yours is never coming back over here (he said out of their dating for 6 months, she only came over once and at that point she had a bf of her own), let alone be disposed to doing some housework for him.
Knowing now how much he likes that feisty behavior, I'm sure I gave him stiffy while we were talking. And I still do believe since he was in contact with her at that point, that he was consciously comparing us and should the opportunity arise, have reasons available as to why I am, in his opinion, less suitable for him than the other one is.
I know some people will say that when friends give constructive criticism I should listen because they're just trying to be helpful, but one must always look at the context in which it is given and whether it really has any merit.
These days my fiance tells me regularly how much better his life is with me in it.
Yes she was the one who pushed/emphasized exclusivity. It's also interesting because my ex wife did the same thing only to find out many years later she was still communicating with her ex (whose nickname was interestingly "Jigsy") LOL
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