Re: Some one please read and help me I am out of options
As I am in an earlier stage than you. I don't think I can give you any end game advise. Because it ain't over until its over. Bestplayer may be sounding a bit mean, but he is largely on point. Begging, pleading and convincing won't work. (The other three things not to do are panic, threaten or manipulate). It is ABSOLUTELY no surprise that she didn't quit her lover. She is an addict. He is her drug. Since you are still together she NEEDS something from you. You are giving something to her she likes. If she is talking tonight you need to JUST listen. Pay attention. Don't believe the words coming out of her mouth. She is in a fog. Don't convince. Stay on your topic. Stay calm, consistent and firm. "I love you. I am committed to our marriage".
I am only in my 5th week of separation/finding out about the affair. Many, many people, here and in person have told me not to quit. And I am not. I am making zero progress. I couldn't see she has been her way out the door for 3 or 4 years. I have been told most of these affairs will collapse within 6 months if they ride themselves out. I could be in for even a longer time of holding on. With that vision and understanding there is no magic bullet I have more patience. All of these are rollercoaster rides. All the betrayers continue or try to continue the affair. Hunker down or move on. Read my thread and see my short ride. Hurt and more hurt, that is what we get. Unlike most men, women find that can only sustain a relationship with one man. So if you can better understand how you should treat her and hang in there you have a good chance of being the last man standing.
Last edited by iamnottheonlyone; 05-30-2010 at 12:28 PM.