Focusing a little on the other side, I'm sure everyone wants to know this.
Can anyone give their educated opinions?
Can anyone give their educated opinions?
I would greatly surmise that the "exit affair" is exactly what my cheating, skanky XW's modus operandi was with me.1. Exit affair. They have already checked out of the marriage/ relationship.
Cheating isn't a solution, but blind monogamy isn't much better. We expect - urealistically - our spouse to provide for all our emotional and sexual needs. Often, they do not. On the other hand, we can and often go elsewhere for any other need - from a cooked meal at a restaurant or friend's house occasionally, to bringing in a yard service or house cleaner. Sometimes it's a need, and sometimes for variety or recreation. We have networks of services and friends - why can't that extend to lovers?
I think many people are going to jump on Married's statement as justification for cheating, but I don't think it needs to be interpreted that way. His questions makes sense in theory, in a world without jealousy and serial monogamy. I personally think its okay to decide have 'variety' and other 'lovers' with express consent and mutual agreement between spouses but they're driving nails in the coffin.Wow.
Just. Wow.
I think it's healthy that despite your husbands pain, he acknowledges that his decisions caused major problems in the marriage. Yes, you clearly made a stupid decision. Should have never happened. But the two of you can salvage something good out of evil. You both need to own your mistakes and poor choices. Keep taking through things and learn how to communicate - and listen - more effectively and I think the two of you can build a marriage even stronger and more special than you had before the spiral the two of you went down.Ok. I will challenge your husband. Why the hell would you cheat on your wife with computer games? If, indeed, that eas what you were doing...
He was ignoring me in favor of video games because he had some major career setbacks, and used games as a stress relief, I guess, then became obsessed with them, staying up half the night and coming to bed at 2 or 3 in the morning.
the ea is, indeed, what i was doing, if you are implying anything else. I never met the OM or had any intention to. It was a sort of psychological crisis.
And, for the record, my husband is blaming himself almost as much as he blames me, that he realizes how isolating he was. I've actually been trying to get him to blame me more, because obviously the infidelity was mine. he is actually treating the video game thing almost as an addiction, avoiding it like the plague and we are spending those hours every day talking and talking things out. First time we've had a marriage in about 8 years.