So my wife and I separated 2 months ago after 5 years of marriage and 7 years (today) of being together. Her reasons were that I micromanaged her life, worried about money far too much, embarassed her in front of her friends, was rude to everyone else, that I played video games instead of paying attention to her and that it has been going on for years and she is done trying to make our marriage work. I didn't realize that I was that bad that she was considering separation/divorce, but my eyes opened greatly when she told me she wanted out.
She says that she harbors prodigious amounts of hate and resentment toward me for the years of no attention that I paid her and that she cannot forgive or forget as that is not in her nature. She said that as much as she would like to get back with me and be a normal family again, she knows that in a few years we would be back where we are now and that she would hate herself for giving us another chance. She doesn't want to be around me because she gets uncomfortable (I made dinner for her and the kids the other night before I left for my 2 weeks at my guard unit and she left without eating to go dancing with her friends.)
She has been talking with one of her subordinates for at least 2 months via text and other means CONSTANTLY (last night she texted him until midnight and it probably equalled 200 texts between them throughout the day.) She has a core group of 3 friends, one of which is this guy. He is the opposite of me in just about every way, piercings, tattoos all over, 9 dollar an hour job, can't drive due to 1 or more DUIs, he's a loser, but my wife says he's a very close friend.
She moved into an apartment 3 days a week to be away from me on my days off as we have 3 kids together and she's home the other days but I don't really see her due to conflicting schedules.
I don't really have friends due to my schedule, the kids and who I work with (everyones 30+ years older than me) and I work Saturdays so most "groups" are out of my reach.
Anyway, she has admitted to sleeping in the same bed with him while he holds her and that he is just a really close friend, that there is no sexual intercourse involved. She goes out to bars on my days off after work and dances with other men and she told me one night that if we got back together, she didn't want to be monogamous, however, she doesn't really know if other men are what she wants. I have a dreading feeling that she will have sex with this man because of her emotional attachment and if/when I find out, it will ruin me.
My question is, how do I get all these images out of my head while trying to be calm, supportive and loving to her. This woman is my world besides my kids and I am willing to support her through whatever issues she needs to work out and be there for her when/if she wants to work on being friends again or possibly even more. When I'm alone, I go back to text messages that I saw of hers where he is holding her in a picture that she sent to a friend and she says "kinda cute huh?
" among dirty pics that I found on her phone that she says she didn't send to him, but she sent multimedia texts to him around the time she took the pics. I want to trust her and give her support, love, understanding and companionship if needed, but the vivid images are killing me. If anyone can please help me with strategies or tactics I would really appreciate it.