I'm dealing with a lot of anxiety right now. I feel very angry.
While watching college football with a friend last night, his fiance was there are well, who works with my wife and used to be in their "clique" until she didn't support the affair. She overheard a conversation between my wife and Jim at work in which one of they seemed to be jokingly arguing about who left the air conditioner on the night before. I feel like I've been punched in the gut.
More than any time before, I feel the urge to confront Jim, and maybe give him the respect he deserves by knocking a few teeth out. I know it wouldn't do any good, but it's still a hard thought to get rid of. I'm angry all over again about the level of disrespect he showed by blatantly pursuing my wife. This has led me to go back and read some of their Facebook chats (I know, not exactly healthy for me) and he quite obviously told her at one point, "Yeah, I just decided I wanted to talk to you one day even though we worked at the same place for 3 years and never spoke, so I just brought you some food from Chick-Fil-A for lunch."
I just can't understand how my wife, or anyone for that matter, doesn't see this for what it is. I get the feeling that until she feels pressure from her friends to do the right thing, the affair will continue. The friends that don't support the affair don't want to say anything because they don't want any backlash from the other friends. It's really a tough situation... I just wish people could do the right thing.
Her birthday is coming up soon. I intend to make a DVD for her with memories of us, both video and photo, with a very touching song in the background. YouTube - Lifehouse - Storm [ Music & Lyrics ]
That is the song. I have listened to it over and over again. It captivated me the first time I heard it, and it helps me relieve some anxiety.
I miss her a lot right now. I keep asking myself how I could miss someone that has no regard for my feelings and emotions, but I can't come up with an answer.
The biggest thing I've struggled with recently is being over-analytical. I've always been someone that analyzes the things people do and say. Before I met my wife, I tended to deal with a lot of social anxiety. She has, to this point in my life, been the only person I've ever felt comfortable around. It's really hard not having her to talk to on a day-to-day basis.
I'm sorry for my rambling. Just having a hard time tonight and I'm really confused.