Originally Posted by Tanelornpete

Pride (and the accompanying embarrassment) often is the reason people will go through with a divorce they don't really want.

This is not fog talk - fog talk is a distortion of reality; this is reality pushing through - a moment of clarity. This is the best sign I've seen for you in a long time: definitely focus on it. Stall the divorce as long as you can, notify her that you know it can work out and that you are her best friend, and that you want her back in your life. Tell her your door is open and you are home waiting for her.

Let her friends and family know this! Yes, the cost of lying to people is that you lose some of them, but true friends will still be there. People who love her will still be there.

Originally Posted by Affaircare

This is something I would encourage you to focus on and if possible, use to your advantage.

I'm going to open up and tell you something a little personal. When a disloyal is involved in an affair--through a class at school or work--there are other people around that become acquaintance-friends and who know about the relationship. They may or may not know the disloyal is married, and when they find out, they may or may not say something. But they are people whom the disloyal met whom they would call a "friend," and they are often the type of person who would encourage infidelity or divorce. Maybe it's because the friend was also unfaithful and they want to justify their own actions. Maybe it's because they divorced their own spouse and they don't want to feel bad for what they did.

To your wife, it is very likely going to feel like if she returns to the marriage, she'll lose all her "friends" and the only people who will be left are people who look down on her or will forever hold it against her--like your parents or a certain siblings whose that judgmental kind of christian. So why would she give up people she cares about--"friends"--for people who are going to see her as "the cheater" for the rest of her life? Also she's built her life, separate from you, such that all her interactions and activities are interwoven with these "friends." They work or go to class together, hang out together, text and chat together...all of that will be gone!

So can you see why she can't see it?

At the time when I was ending my affair, I kept thinking I would be so lonely and the only person I'd have in my life was a person who ignored me in the first place! I kept thinking of all the people I really cared about whom I'd never get to talk to again, and it seemed like such a huge cost! Now granted, in reality that is part of the cost a disloyal pays for making the choice to be unfaithful...but as a loyal spouse does this help you to envision why it seems so hopeless to her?

I would recommend something like talking with your parents or whoever you think she's worried about, and asking them to specifically reach out to her and say something like, "We miss you and consider you part of our family. Yep it hurt, but the whole point of family is a close-knit bond that supports each other through the good stuff and the bad." Maybe take her to lunch let her know how many people are praying for her and encouraging her to return and are willing to help walk her through if she does! (Remember: the "friends" she's with now only say that other side out loud, so she needs to hear the side about returning out loud just as much.)

And yes, she would have to give up probably her job at that store/site, and give up her "friends" that have encouraged infidelity, but in their place, you are willing to take some time off just to take care of her and spend some time together like a mini-vacation. It would be just the two of you doing something FUN (and then mention a place she's always wanted to go and you never had the time). Thereafter, you two pick an activity that you both like (such as a certain sport or hobby or whatever recreation) and start doing that together as a couple. She'll make new friends who know her MARRIAGE relationship and know it's "Land and Mrs.Land", and who encourage her in her marriage!