Wife having an emotional affair. How to handle it?

turnera · 09-23-2010, 07:55 PM

friendly, WHAT is your problem? You throw out accusations that are so off base that you engender no validity.

What makes you think you have the answer for every situation?

I'm telling land - as I've been advising him for some time - to take the time to learn and realize that his wife has her own feelings and thoughts, and if he wants to appeal to her, he needs to understand her. You can't MAKE someone do what you want. All you can do is become the person they want to be with.

turnera · 09-23-2010, 07:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by friendly

Not every woman is tough like you. You sound very manipulative. I'm sure his wife is a softer person from his story. Important is the apology and think about a gift that she likes.

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So...what makes you think you KNOW what his wife likes?

My husband has been giving me jewelry for 30 years. And I have been asking him to take care of our house, instead. He ignores me, and goes out and buys jewelry. While our house(s) falls apart and I am ashamed to have anyone come over.

The real answer is to take the time to learn who your partner is. Just buying jewelry is an irresponsible piece of advice.

friendly · 09-23-2010, 08:01 PM

I'm working out a suggestion for him, not for you! for his reference, not for you! I said, it's a suggestion. You can't read english? Are you his wife? Who gave you the right to speak as his wife? Don't overate your importance! Your husband is your husband. It's a different man. He's not your husband and I offer an idea for him not for you! I condemn your advocating violence.
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friendly · 09-23-2010, 08:06 PM

We're only here to offer an idea. Whether he likes your idea or my idea or someone else idea is up to him. Once again I condemn your advocating violence in hitting a man over his head! F you!
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turnera · 09-23-2010, 08:07 PM

Ok...I'm gathering English is not your first language?

land...stay the course and pay attention to what YOU need, and what your WIFE wants.

turnera · 09-23-2010, 08:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by friendly

We're only here to offer an idea. Whether he likes your idea or my idea or someone else idea is up to him. Once again I condemn your advocating violence in hitting a man over his head! F you!
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Again, I'm gathering English is not your native language, or else you'd realize that that is a generalization - people don't really hit others over the head. It's a figure of speech. It means that you point out - broadly - that this didn't work.

friendly · 09-23-2010, 08:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by turnera

I think I would hit my husband over the HEAD with his jewelry if he tried that!

He KNOWS that jewelry and romance are NOT my Love Language. He KNOWS that I want acts of service and he has failed to provide them. He KNOWS that, if he doesn't step up and start helping me keep our house running, I will leave him. No amount of jewelry or begging on one knee would make me keep him at this point.

My story, not yours.

Just pointing out that it doesn't matter what YOU think your wife wants, to keep you.

What matters is what SHE wants, to keep you.

Do you even know?

This is an abusive message that violence is advocated.
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friendly · 09-23-2010, 08:21 PM

Here is the evidence. Stories Of Abused Men In Texas
They say no man is abused by women in mankind history. It's a lie!
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land2634 · 09-23-2010, 08:24 PM

While my wife does appreciate little gifts, I have come to learn that she appreciates things like acts of service and conversation more. She would rather sit and talk about the day and work on a project together than go out to the fanciest restaurant and receive jewelry. That doesn't mean she doesn't like those things every now and again, but on the whole, she feels more fulfilled when I am (and a big generalization coming here) "there for her."

That I didn't realize this before had a large role in why she felt our marriage was in bad shape yet I was oblivious. Knowing my wife, if I begged and pleaded, it would only make her push me further away. Also, since we aren't currently living together, it's more difficult at this point to gain time to spend with her. She is very distanced and guarded at this point, so I have to walk before I can run and just take baby steps toward showing her that I am the man that she wanted all along.

friendly · 09-23-2010, 08:30 PM

Women did hit over the head and not only the head! I have a thread in other forum concerning domestic violence in Texas. A reader has posted a tearful comment that still brings me tears. Allow me to paste here:
No, it's true. I'm a Texan and my wife hacked off my nuts and made a coin purse out of the sack. I need to ask her how many quarters it holds. A Friend of mine hid in the shed for four days, before his mother in law caught him by an ankle and dragged him back to the house. What she and her daughter did to him has always been an intriguing mystery to me, because none of them will talk about it. Then there is bowlegged Bob, from the job. He was born with the need for bowed legs, but he tells me it's out of habit now. I could go on and on about it, but I think you can all see how it is here in the state of steers and steers.
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friendly · 09-23-2010, 08:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by land2634

While my wife does appreciate little gifts, I have come to learn that she appreciates things like acts of service and conversation more. She would rather sit and talk about the day and work on a project together than go out to the fanciest restaurant and receive jewelry. That doesn't mean she doesn't like those things every now and again, but on the whole, she feels more fulfilled when I am (and a big generalization coming here) "there for her."

That I didn't realize this before had a large role in why she felt our marriage was in bad shape yet I was oblivious. Knowing my wife, if I begged and pleaded, it would only make her push me further away. Also, since we aren't currently living together, it's more difficult at this point to gain time to spend with her. She is very distanced and guarded at this point, so I have to walk before I can run and just take baby steps toward showing her that I am the man that she wanted all along.

I agree! This is a much better comment about gifts.
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friendly · 09-23-2010, 08:37 PM

We are all here to give an idea and an suggestion. No matter what suggestion, as long as it works, is a good suggestion.
It's all upto the thread creator. We don't have to criticise other ppl's suggestions and we Must not advocate violence in our comments!
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friendly · 09-23-2010, 08:50 PM

I have only one suggestion- make your wife fall in love with you again.
All the rest are just my ideas.
An suggestion is for the thread creator to read as a Reference.
That's about it.
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MsLonely · 09-23-2010, 09:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by friendly

I agree! This is a much better comment about gifts.
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I think Land2634 knows about his wife very well.

friendly · 09-23-2010, 09:18 PM

Sorry about the situation. I believe if you keep showing her you are the man she wanted. Her love and trust will come back little by little. Good luck to you!
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