Tanelornpete

This is an avocation of violence. There is no other way to 'make' someone do anything, except through the use of force. It is utterly impossible to do it any other way.

Affaircare

Honestly I think the best thing we, as a forum "Coping With Infidelity" can do right now is pretty much ignore the poster named friendly and stick to the plan. Turnera, anyone here who knows you knows that you would not actually physically assault your husband with the jewelry. Throw it on the ground in frustration? Maaaaaaaaybe! So know worries, Turn, it's just a troll trying to make you feel upset and inflame the board.

Land, you mentioned she likes acts of service and talking. Are you able to call, email, or text her during the day--just sharing little things about your day? I do not know, and would acquiesce to your judgment, but maybe that would be a way to reach out to her a couple times a day and show her some of the things you've learned (note: I said "show" because if you tell her she'll say "yeah right!"

__________________
Helping couples recover and reconcile after an affair or keep their marriages affair-free at Affaircare.

The 180 * Coping With Infidelity Newbies--Please read this!

land2634

At this point, the only means of communication I have with her is e-mail, and I'm glad I at least have that. I've been thinking about exactly what you're saying. I've wondered if maybe it would give her the sense of what it would be like to be a part of my life again.

turnera

lol, why am I suddenly envisioning one of those airplanes with the message written in smoke?

MsLonely

Land2634, advocaton of violence? you "make" me happy and you "make" me smile? Sth wrong in this forum...
Posted via Mobile Device

MsLonely

Hi Affaircare, your husband Tanelornpete, and turnera,
I just checked out your website affaircare.com Our Fees and found your fees are too costy for service product. Maybe you can give everyone a big discount?
Posted via Mobile Device

Affaircare

Turnera! You're hired!

MsLonely, actually our fees are very low for the industry. Both MarriageBuilders and SaveYourMarriageCentral charge about $280/hr. DivorceBusting is $150 for 45 min (that's $200/hr), and even Mars/Venus charges $117/hr and you don't talk to Michelle Weiner-Davis or John Gray--you talk to a coach trained in their methods.

The big benefit with us is that we offer people in all sorts of situations different ways to contact us that might fit their budget. For example, what we do here is no charge. Granted it's "in public" on a forum but it's our way of giving back right? We also have email coaching, which is slower than chatting or calling, but it still can get the job done and it's pretty reasonably priced precisely for those who can't afford a couple hundred bucks for one contact with someone! And finally with one of our live chat options, a person could do a "per minute" cost and just do a quick talk ... keeping the cost low but also getting immediate, personalized help.

Finally the best part of all. We don't turn people away. We agree there is so much need out there and so many people in financial trouble right now that we are willing to work with you and hit some agreement that works for both of us.

Here's my thought though...this is a thread about Land and how he's dealing with his wife and hoping to win her back. If you'd like to discuss prices or pricing, let's not do it here on this thread. Let's do it privately via PM. Since Turnera is working for us now, you can ask her!

__________________
Helping couples recover and reconcile after an affair or keep their marriages affair-free at Affaircare.

The 180 * Coping With Infidelity Newbies--Please read this!

Guest8786

Was impressed by your mother's email to your wife. You sure have a good family to back you. Praying all works well for you. You are a good man and you deserve better. Praying for you,

land2634

I got out of town for the weekend. It was nice to get away. The couple I stayed with were once really good friends of my wife as well. Overall, I feel a little refreshed today. I spent some more time studying on Biblical manhood. I found some really interesting things that I had never noticed before. It will all be revealed in my blog post, hopefully coming in the next couple of days. I truly am learning something new every day.

turnera

Isn't that a wonderful feeling? I always feel so sorry for people who don't read, and learn, and grow.

land2634

It really is. Even during the most tumultuous time of my life to this point, I feel better about myself day by day. My biggest hope is that others can learn from me, whether it be avoiding the same mistakes as me or actually approaching me and asking, "Hey, how did you get through that rough patch in YOUR life?"

avenrandom

Now that I finally came out of lurker status with another post, just wanted to post here as well. I've been following land for a few weeks now. Land: this whole thread helped me quite a bit, and I was able to handle a similar situation without major conflict due to being able to see possible outcomes / solutions. Still hoping / praying for your best possible outcome.

iamnottheonlyone

Land,
This can be one of those "quiet" times. Something like Jar went through and I am sort of having. Make the little contact you are having positive and friendly. Maybe slightly flirty and/or humorous. She is having a difficult time. Just a little spirit lifting.
Stay the course and follow your plan. Remember what Yogi said: It ain't over 'til its over. (Or did he say, "I smell a picnic basket?)

land2634

I think today has the possibility of being a very long day. My friend that works with Jim and my wife got into an argument with Jim today in the break room at work. Jim was talking to one of the girls that my wife has surrounded herself with. He was mentioning my wife's birthday coming up and how he had something special for her but didn't know if he should buy her a cake or bake one.

At this point, my friend spoke up and said, "Jim, you know, I've been civil for the most part, but you're a jerk and disrespectful for even considering talking about this when I'm around when you know her husband is one of my best friends."

At this point, Jim began defending his actions, saying that he did nothing wrong, blah blah blah. My friend pointed out to him that he knows what kinds of conversations they were having online WELL before my wife left. Jim said, "Well, I tried to call him to talk about it, but he didn't answer." This was back at the beginning of August. At that point, there was no good way for me to confront him.

The argument ensued with Jim hurling insults at my friend, and actually stooping as far as saying my friend and I should go have gay sex together if we're so close.

My adrenaline is indeed going. I'm sure I'll get a nasty e-mail from my wife when she gets off of work about how I should tell my friends to "stay out of it" and whatnot... or maybe I won't. Jim mentioned to my friend that after I didn't answer, he told my wife to call me and tell me it was over.

I almost wonder if he is making her feel trapped. Like I said, I could see the hurt in her eyes when we met for her to get me divorce papers... she didn't seem to want a divorce at all. Maybe she hasn't come back because she sees no good way to end things with Jim when she feels she is in too deep? The way my friend described it, it almost seems he is controlling her to a point...

Sorry for the rambling, my thoughts are everywhere. I'm glad my friend stood up for the marriage.

Tanelornpete

In a way, this is perfect. Your friend may have done more for you that you can imagine - it just may take some time before this becomes apparent. This introduces stress into a relationship based on lies. Your response to any nasty email from your wife will be important: make sure you at least include, in any reply, the notion that you care for her. Be yourself - the 'new' self.

Let her see some differences. The more this happens, the better - this has introduced some major stress at work that can generally start spreading. I applaud your friend.

JMHO