Tanelornpete

This has nothing to do with you giving yourself - for your wife. That is both moral and normal. The issue is that she has another man to take care of her, no? On top of that, she can take care of herself. She just doesn't want to. Not being mean here, its the facts, as hard as they sound.

As long as she has you there to make sure she is healthy for her love affair, to that extent she will be less inclined to consider the consequences. You will ALWAYS be there to help her with her health, if she returns to the marriage. But she has chosen another man. If he were honorable at all, he'd be doing the same thing, no? So what will this teach her about this guy?

Pam

Does she have a pre-existing condition? I confess I didn't pay attention to details like that. If she does, and there is any chance at all that she'll return to the marriage, there could be a problem in getting her re-insured. I am old enough not to know fine details on that, and how Obama's new healthcare will affect it, but it's something I always worried about with my late husband's insurance coverage.

Not sure what I would advise in this; you want her to recognize consequences for sure, but you also need to protect yourself in the future if there's any chance.

turnera

What if you just tell her how much you are paying for her portion of the healthcare, and tell her that if she's not coming back to the marriage, you will keep her on your plan - IF she pays her portion, at least until you are divorced. But let her know that if she declines, you will honor her wishes to let her have her own life by letting her find her own insurance.

Might be a good wakeup call. And it makes you more attractive by showing you respect yourself.

land2634

Well, if I go that route, I'll likely go all the way. The thing is, with all the recent health care legislation, I am able to get back on my dad's health insurance policy through his job for another two years. Since my younger brother is already on it as a dependent, it quite literally costs him nothing more to add me back on there, and the coverage is better than what I have now anyways.

The current policy is under my name, so if I go this route, I quite literally have no need for the close to $200 expense each month, about half of which is hers. If I take myself off the policy, it removes her completely as well. Honestly, I'm just tired of being walked on. Her and Jim sat in the break room together with my friend that works there again yesterday, both gloating purposely about how great their weekend had been. Just really disrespectful. She seems to become a more evil-to-the-core person each and every day she's around him.

turnera

IDK, I just don't like giving to people who rubs things in my face.

Pam

No, I think I would just go back on dad's insurance; but make sure you are covered on that before you cancel yours completely. Sorry I even considered suggesting anything else, guess I was thinking there was some chance for your marriage, but I don't believe there is.

iamnottheonlyone

Are you feeling a little like a doormat? Either she pays or you cancel the insurance and go to your dad's. If she gripes, just cancel and go to your dad's. She gets some twisted pleasure in manipulating you. Now she's in control. Take back your life.

AFEH

Land, there are 382 posts in 26 pages! In those 4 months I can’t see you are anywhere nearer at all getting what you want following the process/strategy that you have been taking. In fact you are getting further and further away from what you want. Has all that time, effort and energy really been wasted?

Keep doing the same things, what do we get? The same results. Plus we become seriously disenchanted and seriously de energised.

The quality of our life is directly proportional to the quality of the questions we ask ourselves. When things are tough we have to ask ourselves tough questions.

Do you not think it high time you totally changed your strategy in all this?

Bob

josh1081

I say go for it land...not only are you saving $200 a month, something to improve yourself, but you are also severing a partila tie that binds. It may jolt her into reason or give you the look into a reality that isn't going to change. I don't see this working out badly. Worst case is that things stay the same IMO
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land2634

Quite honestly, at the very least, I can see that the biggest obstacle at this point is her pride. As far as changing my strategy, I'm not really sure what other option I have or have ever had. As far as I can tell, she would have left and everything whether or not I followed the path I am on. Plus, if I hadn't taken this course, people that I call friends likely would have stopped talking to me since they work with her and would be believing her lies of abuse and whatnot that she threw out there in the beginning. She would still be enjoying the secretive backdrop while I would get all of the consequences. At least this way, I'm better off than I was 4 months ago. I feel very confident in saying that much.

Nattu_Khattu

I agree with you Land as i feel i am on the same boat as you. Except that my wife has not filed for a divorce yet and i have a 2 yo kid. My wife has accused me of everything going wrong including physically abusing her which is not true. Thanks to this forum now family and friends close to her/me have heard my version of the story.

Carry on this path mate either you win her back or don't at least you know you went down fighting. You will have no regrets of not having tried to make it work.

Nobody123

Please make sure that you can still be covered under your dad's policy as a dependent. In most medical insurance policies, a dependent child lives at home or at college, is unmarried and under a certain age.

One of the largest buyers of group health insurance, the Federal Employees health Benefits Program, considers unmarried children under age 22 dependents. Many group plans cover older children, under age 25 or 24 who are attending an accredited education instituation.

Since you are married, do not live at home and have a full time job, the definition of a dependent might not apply to you.

land2634

Yes, that was my initial thought as well, but apparently the health care legislation has raised that age to 26. I'll definitely be checking before I make the move, but this is what his workplace is saying, so we'll see.

bestplayer

land2634 , Is it possible that to discuss this health care issue you two can meet in person ? Looks like she never gave you a chance to have a heart-to -heart talk with her which at least could have possibly helped to clear some other doubts or misunderstandings between you . May be you can ask her why is she deliberately trying to hurt you when all you did is love her ? Dont you need the answer ?


Best of luck

land2634

Just got an e-mail from my wife:

I need to take those papers to the court so if you could mail or stick them in moms mailbox. There is a reason I didn't answer your email on my birthday. The only gift you could of possibly given me was my dog so no I don't want anything from you.

Last I checked, she left, not me. The dog is at home where he should be and it isn't my problem she left if she wants him.

I'm not signing this waiver of service either. The more I read on it, the more I see that I would quite literally be signing away ALL of my rights through the process. Part of me wants to ignore the e-mail, but the other part wants to reply and say, "If you want to talk, you have my number."

Her blatant disrespect for anything going against adultery just continues to amaze me, even as she still denies that this is an affair at all.