Re: Wife having an emotional affair. How to handle it?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Affaircare
Land~
Did you know I sort of consider you a "younger brother"? We're both "in the trenches" helping people through one of the hardest times of their life, and through this time together you've become like a brother, so from now on I dub thee: Lil Bro.
Lil Bro, I'm sorry to hear that it's finalized. Some part of me does feel sad that yet another marriage fell victim to infidelity and no-fault divorce, but in many ways you and I are in a similar place in that it happened. We're here. It's done. And that's reality. Now we have to accept it, go on, and live a long, full life. What I discovered, to my utter surprise, is that right around the corner will be just what you think/fear may be impossible. I know for a fact that when my divorce was final I thought, "Well that's it. I'm in my 30's with two kids and a Queen Latifah figure, and no one wants that" so I went into my life thinking I'd raise my kids and choose to be happy doing that. Lo and behold, I literally bummed into my Dear Hubby...and a forum much like this one. It was three years after my divorce was final, and by then I'd had a good amount of time to get my head on straight and get to know myself enough to know what would be a better match for me. And surprise of surprises--apparently at "almost 40" you CAN feel butterflies in your stomach and feel all smooshy! LOL
I'm sorry it's over. I really do wish she had taken the braver route and done the work to honor her vow...I do. But she didn't and now you're free to live life as you see fit, and I can't help but also feel just a little bit like saying, "Congratulations." You made it--you survived--and you came out a better man for it.
Thanks a ton. I will admit, I'm at a place where I never thought I could be when this all started. Like many who come to this site, I literally felt like the world was ending. Looking forward, maybe it's really just starting. If my experiences can help others, much the same way you've been able to do with yours, then I think I'll be more than satisfied.
Re: Wife having an emotional affair. How to handle it?
Heh, I thought this was rather interesting. I received a letter in the mail from her. It was really odd. She basically apologized for the "terrible situation" we'd been through, etc. What seemed incredibly lame was that she went on to say that she knew she had to divorce me because she was "holding me back" from being the person I've become. She said she'd noticed the wonderful person I'd become. I find it interesting that, while she noticed the changes, she still can't admit even to herself that she cheated.
To top it off, my friend saw her and Jim at the video store. She actually made the point to walk up to him, gave him and awkward side hug, and Jim went and hid. He kept peeking around the corner. Just funny...
Re: Wife having an emotional affair. How to handle it?
I think her letter was an open invitation. She was telling him, you have changed, I like what I see in you. While she is saying she needs to set him free, she is telling him she is open to him pursuing her.
Re: Wife having an emotional affair. How to handle it?
As far as my plan, I don't have one really yet. I'm just kind of doing my normal things. I'm actually doing really well.
As far as it being an open invitation, I'm just not so sure about that. Even if that were the case, she can't even admit to herself that she cheated on me. Either way, that is now her burden to bear, and if Jim is the wonderful guy she makes him out to be, he should be there for her every step of the way, right?
Re: Wife having an emotional affair. How to handle it?
Land, this is the most clear, honest, most helpful **** i've read on this site. God bless you brother! I hope I come out the other end of my situation as positive and clear headed as you. I feel like there is a good honest women out there that will love me back just the same through thick and thin. Its tough to put your heart,time and devotion into somebody all to find out they simply don't know who you are. Good luck and Godspeed!
Re: Wife having an emotional affair. How to handle it?
Land..don't reply to that BS. You are past all this and you are moving on with your life. You are right, its her burden to bear. I feel so sorry for her. You are very level headed and you're going to be just fine. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: Wife having an emotional affair. How to handle it?
I've been reading this thread for a few months now. At least you can console yourself with the fact that you found out so early in the marriage what type of person she really is before you invested years of your life and possibly children with her. She's definitely not the type of woman that you would want to spend the rest of your life with. If not Jim, then there would have been some other man down the road when she gets bored again.
What would have happened down the road in 10, 15 years when you possibly are in the process of raising children, paying the mortgage and other bills, with finances and possibly joint property, and she decides to cheat again just because some other man takes a fancy in her? She's proven that she has very weak boundaries and would not even hesitate for a nanosecond to cheat again. That's how broken this woman is.
Things happen for a reason. While it may not feel like it now, one day you will look back on this and be thankful that you got out of this marriage with her.
Re: Wife having an emotional affair. How to handle it?
Quote:
Originally Posted by land2634
Heh, I thought this was rather interesting. I received a letter in the mail from her. It was really odd. She basically apologized for the "terrible situation" we'd been through, etc. What seemed incredibly lame was that she went on to say that she knew she had to divorce me because she was "holding me back" from being the person I've become. She said she'd noticed the wonderful person I'd become. I find it interesting that, while she noticed the changes, she still can't admit even to herself that she cheated.
It's sad that she can't admit her cheating but that is because she probably hasn't accepted the gravityof her actions yet, and its consequences.
That's noted by her and Jim hiding from your friend. Affairs are ugly and once they are out in the open, not as much fun anymore.
Re: Wife having an emotional affair. How to handle it?
Hey everyone,
It's been awhile. I just wanted to check in and throw a few things out there that have been going on. I've been enjoying the full swing of baseball season and whatnot. As far as my personal life goes, for those wondering if there is indeed life after divorce, there is.
I have a date this upcoming week, the first since the divorce. It's someone I've actually known since I was 17. We've always seen each other around through the years and whatnot, and through mutual friends, she's very aware of the situation I've recently finished with.
Speaking of, my ex-wife still can't deal with the hole she dug herself. My younger brother's girlfriend was registering for classes at the community college where my ex-wife is a financial aid coordinator. She was there with a friend, who saw my ex-wife and said, "Hey... isn't your boyfriend's last name Land too?" My brother's girlfriend obviously knew who she was and said she seemed petrified... apparently she can't even admit to co-workers that, not only did she cheat, but that she divorced me.
The theme keeps coming up, but I'll say it again: It's really a shame how some people will continue with living their lives.
Re: Wife having an emotional affair. How to handle it?
She'll one day see that the grass really isn't greener on the other side of the fence, and that reality will smack her square in the face when Jimbo gets tired of her when some new girl comes along and strikes his fancy. You already said that he's been talking to other women during the time he was taking your wife from you. It's only a matter of time.... And when that time comes, you will have moved on, hopefully with someone who actually values her marital vows and believes in forsaking all others. You will look back at this someday and wonder why the heck you put up with her crap for so long.
When you are healed, you WILL ask yourself "What was I thinking?" with regards to your ex-wife.
Re: Wife having an emotional affair. How to handle it?
land,
i just saw your thread. i am going through a lot of the same thing. I discovered an EA between my husband and a coworker. We are going to the marriage counselor on Wednesday.
Is there any advice you can give me?
I may have nipped it in the bud, but I am not exactly sure (could be underground now). 3-4 weeks after it started, I confronted him. When it continued for 2 weeks, I confronted both him and her (separately). So, they were "outed". He admits it was wrong and says he has stopped it. (also have a mutual, married friend on my side, and the pastor is supposed to be calling him to discuss where he is on his spiritual walk).
Re: Wife having an emotional affair. How to handle it?
Quote:
Originally Posted by loveslife2011
land,
i just saw your thread. i am going through a lot of the same thing. I discovered an EA between my husband and a coworker. We are going to the marriage counselor on Wednesday.
Is there any advice you can give me?
I may have nipped it in the bud, but I am not exactly sure (could be underground now). 3-4 weeks after it started, I confronted him. When it continued for 2 weeks, I confronted both him and her (separately). So, they were "outed". He admits it was wrong and says he has stopped it. (also have a mutual, married friend on my side, and the pastor is supposed to be calling him to discuss where he is on his spiritual walk).
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Re: Wife having an emotional affair. How to handle it? 
