Re: Wife having an emotional affair. How to handle it?
I have drafted out a letter I'd like to send to her grandparents. I want to get some opinions on it before I sent it. Here goes:
Dear xxx and xxx,
I am writing you this letter to ask for your support during a difficult time. As you likely know by now, xxx and I have been having problems within our marriage, and she decided about a month ago that the best course of action was to leave home. Since then, life has seemed to be a rollercoaster of emotions and hurt feelings.
While I am not sure what details you do know of the circumstances surrounding our current separation, there is a matter that I feel deserves the undivided attention of the people closest to xxx. I love xxx very much, and this was the reason that I took wedding vows with her in front of friends and family a little over two years ago. With that being said, I fully intend to fight for our marriage and what it stands for.
For the past few months, xxx has been having an affair with a coworker named xxx. As hard as that may be to believe, I have no reason to tell you anything untrue. I still have a difficult time believing it myself. The affair started as messaging back and forth, exchanging feelings and regrets at being married due to wanting to be with him. When I confronted my wife with this knowledge, she was very upset and apologized for hurting me. I wanted to work on our marriage, but knew this could not be done without contact with xxx ending. After all, an affair can be like a drug addiction, and as long as she was giving her emotions to him, we could not move forward in our marriage.
Two weeks later, I discovered that xxx was still heavily involved in conversations with xxx. While I do not have evidence of these discussions as I do in the previous instance, I confronted my wife once again to ask her what was going on. This is when she became angry, cursed and yelled at me, and left home.
After she left, I knew we needed to have some time to allow things to cool off. She began contacting me more frequently after a couple of weeks, and on July 7, she indicated that she missed me, and based on our conversations, I felt like we were moving forward and would begin to work things out. She indicated that things between her and xxx had died down due to the way everything had played out to that point. Then she began to be more distant toward me once again.
I have now discovered that xxx and xxx are now carrying on a full-fledged relationship, no longer one just emotional in nature. I have photographic evidence that backs this claim up, but unless you feel a need to see for yourself, I would rather save those images from being planted into your mind.
You may be asking why I am telling you this. The basis is simple. I am not here to make my wife look bad or to get any sort of revenge. The fact remains, I still love my wife more than myself. I intend to fight for my marriage because of what it stands for and what I believe in. I am simply asking for your support, not just for myself, but for both xxx and I and our marriage.
In the Bible, Matthew 19:6 refers to the sanctity of marriage when it says, "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate."
Furthermore, in Ephesians 5:25, the Bible says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
I have not been the perfect husband to this point in my life, but I truly believe we go through these trials and tribulations to become better people, not only in our marriages, but throughout the entire core of our lives.
I simply ask that you take the information I am giving you very seriously. I love my wife and I am committed to showing her just that. I pray that people such as you will show her the kind of love that would soften her heart while discouraging the affair so that we can work on our marriage.
I also would like to thank you for your support throughout the time I have known my wife. Your thoughts and prayers are very much appreciated during this tough stretch in life. If you need to contact me, feel free to do so. My phone number is (xxx) xxx-xxxx.
Last edited by land2634; 07-27-2010 at 01:28 PM.