In her anger, she has said she intends to file for divorce. While I don't believe she will actually do it, I'd like to plan ahead just in case.
What can I do to prolong the situation if I am indeed served with papers? Can I request court-ordered marriage counseling?
A couple of quick notes. Bear in mind as you do this that your goal and focus is one thing: end the affair. It is extremely likely that she will be furious with you and the OM will also be very angry--after all you are taking their dark little secret and shining the light on it. In their affair fantasy, you fade quietly into the background and everyone is "happy for them" that they found someone who "makes them happy" and you are telling people the truth rather than letting them spin the half-truths. And more than anything, you are acting in a decisive way to take away their addiction. Thus, if you envision a drug addict shortly after you tell them you've cut off their supply--yeah. That would be close to the reaction you should expect. And we all know that cutting off the supply will help the addict recover, but to them, all they hear is "You know that thing that makes you feel so good? I took that away."
So her rage, his rage, even some anger from those who have been supporting the affair -- that is all to be expected. What I suggest is that for everything she says, just recognize it as Disloyal Dizzy Talk and try to turn it back around. Here are a few examples:
Disloyal: "Now I'll NEVER want to return to the marriage"
Loyal: "You're right, who would want a cheater to return to the marriage? I don't--I want an honest partner in life."
Disloyal: "How could you drag my name through the mud."
Loyal: "You're right. How could you drag your name through the mud by acting like this when you know better?"
Disloyal: "I want a divorce! I'm through with this marriage."
Loyal: "You're right. A cheater would not honor their vows or keep heir promises. I'm not a cheater, I make the choice to be honest. I'm through with this marriage and I want a better one."
Disloyal: "Why are you blaming (me, OP, work, etc.)?"
Loyal: "You're right why am I? You can make choices and you can experience the consequence of the choices you make."
Sort of see what I'm doing? They say something all dizzy to justify their affair, and you agree, then turn it around so that what they said applies to THEM. It confuses 'em for a moment.
Regarding the second part of your question, about prolonging if they do file, I'm going to address that two ways. First, I think I'll write a post here in "Coping with Infidelity" that addresses general stalling techniques for everyone. That way it's not just here in your thread but kind of available for everyone to see. That thread is the "What To Do if The Disloyal Actually Files
" thread. Also just remember that often a disloyal will talk about and threaten divorce, but won't actually take the time to file. It is their ultimate threat--"Do what I want and let me continue my affair...or else!"
Second, for you specifically, I will point out that a divorce RARELY if ever takes 1-2 months. What she's thinking is... (of course) Affair Fantasy. Every state that I know of has a minimum of a 90 day wait and some have up to a year! And it would take 90 days IF, AND ONLY IF, both parties were cooperative and agreed. As an example, in my instance my state was 90 days and by then my ex had moved out for 2 years, was with his mistresses and would not reconcile, and we pretty much agreed on all but a very few things. Ours was fairly fast and it was 120 days because by then we were 2 years of trying to work it out! If there is any disagreement or non-disclosure, I've seen divorces that take years literally. There's a lady here on TAM, 827Aug, whose divorce has taken years because it was complicated with a business and other assets (plus stalling). Sooooo...her "fantasy" of a couple months is so she can legitimize her relationship with OM. She and OM can get a love shack together and set up and play house. It has nothing whatsoever to do with reality! According to national divorce statistics, the average length of time it takes to finalize divorce settlements and other proceedings is one year in the United States.
So regarding divorce my thought would be pretty much "Stay the Course" and I would advise that until the ink is dry on the paper. This is not so much to deny that a divorce is happening--I would also suggest that you take reasonable steps to protect yourself and your family and assets from the destructive and unclear thinking of a disloyal!--but rather to remain consistent and so your own conscience is clear that you did all you could to save the marriage and honor your vow. The fact is that sometimes a disloyal hardens their heart and they are determined to do what they know is wrong, and you can't stop them from doing it! What you can do though is sleep easy knowing that you did not enable it or encourage it.