Having an emotional affair, and difficult time ending it.
I am new here, came across this site researching the topic of 'emotional affairs' so here I am.
I am married (together 9 years total) with 2 girls together and one child from a previous relationship.I am 33 yrs old.
A little background info:
Most of our marriage has been very unhappy, unhealthy and filled with painful conflict, almost from the beginning. I always new in my gut things never felt right, and I always felt in a state of such deep pain, but could never put my finger on the reason. We used to fight all day long, and I was always treated like I didn't matter, that my concerns about out marriage were ridiculous and that I was overreacting, and too sensitive. It was brought to my attention that I was in a very emotionally/verbally abusive relationship and once I realized this, and read about it, I know why I felt so awful all the time around my husband. I brought this to his attention, asked him to read up on it and see if he recognized anything in himself..which in turn eventually lead to him changing some of his ways, and some of it got better over time. Still though, I haven't felt happy with him for a very long time, but I always have had the motivation to keep trying new things to try and make things better, even when he didn't want to make the efforts. I have had a few periods of time where I have seriously considered ending our marriage because I don't think I love him anymore, and this time (3 weeks ago) I was serious, partly b/c I am emotionally involved with a coworker, and have slowly been doing so for 7 months. I didn't know if was an 'affair' that was beginning until recently, and am now in too deep to just forget about it. I feel very little for my husband, and haven't for a very long while. I don't feel attracted to him anymore, I have not been able to say I love you and mean it in a very long time b/c I don't feel that way. I am here for the kids, the home we have built, financial stability,our marriage vows, and the future of our family, but I am not sure if I can stay in something for those reasons, if there is a lack of feeling on my part. I have turned my feelings off toward him, and have a wall built up to protect myself from his abusive ways that I can;t see over it.
Now since I have revealed this other relationship, he is going to counselling and literally, overnight has turned into a whole new man..I mean it is almost too much to take how sweet, doting,and supportive he is being. Now I have this going on all the while I have very strong feelings for someone else, and this OM told me last night at work he wants to leave his wife, and be with me if my marriage fails. I know sounds so crazy, but my heart is pulling me in that direction for some reason, and away from my marriage, but i have not acted on anything physical, or seen him outside of work as of yet. I realize emotional affairs are just as serious as a physical affair, even more so as my emotions are all wrapped up in this. I am such a mess, and am going through a serious depressive episode b/c of all this. We are going to counselling together, and separate to see if we have any hope at saving this, but if I feel nothing for him, how can I move forward? All I can think of is the other man, and I want to see him and be around him b/c I enjoy his presence. I know it is wrong, but this is how I feel, and I hope I can get some sound, wise advice b/c I am really struggling. Please no bashing, I already know I am breaking my marriage vows by having feelings for someone else, now I just need to know what to do about these feelings, and my current relationship situation. Any advice would be appreciated.