koslivan

I caught my wife red handed and she wont admit it even with three other witnesses. we are all lieing!?? I can forgive the mistake if she showed renorse or admitted to what I SAW. What do I do?

notreadytoquit

Welcome to my world! I have enough proof of H affair to wallpaper the room he is sleeping in. He got caught end of March 2010 and then filed for divorce and still denies everything. As you said I would have considered forgivness if he showed so remorse or at least admitted he did something wrong. I am still waiting for the "I am sorry". Somehow I don't think I will hear that anytime soon. And the affair is still going on. In fact yesterday he took a parenting class mandated by the state we live in. Guess what the OW also took a class yesterday. They probably went together!

You can try to tell her that you will not tolerate the affair going under your nose, maybe ask her to move out(long story why I can't do the exact thing in my situation) and cut her off from anything that enables her to keep up the affair. And in the meantime work on yourself to become a better person whether you end up with your wife back or not.

You can leave little bit more details about your marriage there are lots of people in your situation here and lots of good advice.

lastinline

koslivan, I think your experience is fairly typical. I can't quite explain it to you because I haven't been on the other side of the fence. I kind of think of it like the moon though. Even though I've never been there, I've seen it from a distance enough times to know pretty much what it looks like. From what you've already wrote, I assure you that your story is pretty much the norm...lie and deny.

I would recommend that you just "let it all out" on TAM. There are a lot of people here who can help you out, or just listen as you slog through the process. I wish you the best brother.

LIL

Tanelornpete

Two things: this is completely 'normal' behavior - happens most of the time. You can catch them in bed, naked, and 'not sleeping' and they will still say 'it isn't what you think.'

Second: you CAN forgive (that's a decision you make) - you CHOOSE not to forgive her until she fulfills certain conditions you laid out for her.

That should not be the issue, however: more importantly - is this affair still going on? If not, is your wife willing to work on the marriage?