Is it cheating is it's online?

karolNY · 06-13-2010, 01:49 PM

I recently found emails of sexual nature that my husband was exchanging with a woman in a different part of the country. I confronted him about it and he confessed he met her in a diabetes support group forum. They started talking more when I was away a couple of weeks ago and it got from flirty to sexual. He says he was just looking for affirmation and he ended their communication with an email that he cc'ed me on. Is it still cheating, even though they never actually met. How can I believe that it is really over?

land2634 · 06-13-2010, 02:02 PM

It is most definitely still cheating. He turned to someone else for something he vowed to get only from you when he said he would "forsake all others" on your wedding day.

I've been dealing with something similar myself. My wife exchanged numerous feelings with a co-worker online.

The only way to be sure it's over is partially to flat-out ask your husband. The other way is to have access to e-mails, phone records, etc. I hope you're able to resolve this.

karolNY · 06-13-2010, 02:30 PM

I did flat-out ask him and he said that email ended it. He has also deleted all his chat accounts because he admitted that, even after the first confrontation, he was still tempted to go and talk to other women. He does have addictive personality and that was like a bad habit that spun out if control. He even said in way he felt relieved I caught him, that he felt guilty the whole time.
I don't know, it seems like that crisis opened a new line of communication between us and we have talked more openly about our marriage than we have in a very long time. But then I'm afraid that I'm not being cautious enough. How soon am I supposed to stop being angry at him and start letting him in?

land2634 · 06-13-2010, 05:05 PM

All I can say is remain cautiously optimistic.

My wife seems to have good days and bad days. Even though she was the one that has been having the emotional affair, some days she'll spend the day completely making me feel like garbage, and others it seems like she can't help but be supportive of me.

karolNY · 06-14-2010, 08:07 AM

Thanks, the way you put it, to be cautiously optimistic, makes a lot of sense. It is all still very fresh with us so I guess I can tell you how it goes after a while. So far, he has been nothing but very remorseful and willing to do anything to help us and work on regaining my trust. I guess we will see if it stays that way.
Wish us luck.