Facebook is my enemy - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-19-2010, 05:41 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 239
Facebook is my enemy

(Read my other posts for my situation so I don't bore those that already know about it here)

Last night my wife had a bad night. When I came home her mother had wet herself completely and I am not allowed to change her so I fed her dinner in her bed and did my best to clean up what I could. When my wife came home she was stressed in having to deal with her mother. After, we had some time to talk but I was already stressed from thinking all day and had to wake up early. Her mother kept asking her for a sweater, in summer heat, for no reason...and she wouldn't let up until finally my wife gave her a sweater that she wouldn't end up wearing. She said "I need to be alone. I want to be alone." She closed the door to the room I was in and sat at her Mac.

Around 12am I woke up and heard her typing away at the computer. I decided to wake up and check on her to see if she was OK. As soon as I came into the room she went from Facebook to another page. I didn't quite catch it at first but I think she was chatting with someone. I don't know who...but at the time I was feeling too tired. The next morning (This morning) I asked what time she had gone to bed and she said 2am. I asked what she was doing until that time, in a non-invasive way and she said "On the internet and watching TV." I did see her watch some T.V at one time in the evening. But the sudden change in webpages when I entered the room didn't sit well with me for very long today.

Not only that, but I'm pretty sure that the name she originally signed up with (A pet name I gave her and that everyone calls her) she changed to her real name. I'm not sure if that is meant to show up in the updates of people's profiles or not, but it's got me feeling like crap. I think she's also learned that leaving the 'cookies' enabled allows me to sneak a peek on her Mac. I'm sure there are ways of finding out passwords (Please let me know if there are) because trust is still an issue. I would ask her to see it as a matter of trust but her PMS has just started and I'm going to try and get through that before doing/saying anything that might complicate things.

While the Facebook stuff has me on edge (And I felt like my stomach had developed multiple ulcers over-thinking it), the day actually started somewhat well. I got up, initiated some hugging and kissing, got her talking a bit and she said "Love you." and was a little more receptive to my kiss on the lips this morning. I'm still feeling like crap though...and the only thing that takes off the edge is some alcohol on the way home from work. Not the healthiest way to end a day.

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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-19-2010, 06:41 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 239
Re: Facebook is my enemy

Anyone know of a good keylogger that records passwords and chats without my wife knowing. It's only since she's unclicked the (Save my password) box to her facebook and her recent activity on there that has me worried.

If she's just looking to blow of some steam, I'm fine with that. I won't use the information. But if she's looking for a way out and I'm what's stopping her, then I would just pick up my stuff and leave so she doesn't waste her time and I don't waste mine. I would ask her but at this point I think she's felt she's hurt me too much already and she might be saving things for when I'm 'stronger'...I don't know...
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-19-2010, 06:42 AM
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Northeast US
Posts: 99
Re: Facebook is my enemy

Take it from me, you do not want to add to the trust issues by bypassing passwords. I found out about my wife's online affair by finding that she'd left Google logged in my acct on the desktop PC, and read her mail. We each considered this a betrayal on my part, even though it exposed one on her part too. Since then the trust between us was very strained, and I feel that I'm putting a great deal of my effort into demonstrating to her that I am trustworthy, as a tool to encourage her to open back up to me. Since discovering the online affair, we're spending a couple nights per week apart and she's moved her computer time to more remote parts of the house when I'm at home. She also blocked me from seeing her facebook posts/wall.

Then, a few nihgts ago, I woke in the middle of the night and couldn't get back to sleep. I headed down to the basement, and came upon my wife, on the couch in the darkened basement, chatting on Skype, presumably with the online boyfriend. This looked bad to each of us - it looked like she was hiding something terrible from me, and like I was spying on her. I was there for an embarrassing reason, found her accidentally, and had to come clean as a way to defuse a drop in trust. Going forward this is our first and biggest hurdle.

So yeah, take this into consideration before you break down another area of trust.
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-19-2010, 07:28 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 239
Re: Facebook is my enemy

I have every reason NOT to trust her at this time and she has no reason to NOT trust me. I've done nothing (Up until catching her) that would suggest that I was invading her privacy.

If I find something that points to her wanting out, then I know now and I can get out before she does more damage to my heart (Or perhaps shape things in a way so that she feels more guilty). Right now I'm not impressed with her lack of openess...and so I'm resorting to checking her Facebook.

She has had nothing so far on Facebook...but thinking back a couple weeks ago she actually asked me "Can you see my updates on Facebook?" I don't know why she asked but she did...and now that is coming back to bite me in the ass.

If I find nothing, then I'll feel a whole lot better.
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-19-2010, 08:14 AM
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 96
Re: Facebook is my enemy

I would just be honest and ask her why she doesn't want you to see her facebook.. I wish that I had asked my husband about his computer use but I didn't then later found out via cell bill that he had been having a EA for 2mths. He used my trust to talk to her on his computer because he knew that I didn't want to break that trust know I have all his passwords and I still check on him ayear later just to make sure he not doing anything stupid again which he is not. We have our facebook accounts linked to each other..Do you have one?
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-19-2010, 09:05 AM
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Posts: 1,427
Re: Facebook is my enemy

Spector Pro is a good keylogger
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-19-2010, 04:35 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Northeast
Posts: 253
Re: Facebook is my enemy

If Facebook has caused problems in your marriage and your spouse is serious about going forward with your marriage, the only way it will work if for them to respect your wishes and your marriage and close the account for good. This is what we had to do. There was initially a touch of resistance and I said, "If you love me, you'll care about how this affects me." He closed it.

The affair he had with the help of Facebook is over, he doesn't need FB any longer.


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