I guess there is a first for everything, I already had my first disagreement with happyman, and now is with you Longwalk, I always read your posts carefully because are well elaborated and it seems like you put alot of thought in them, but in this particulary case, I disagree in how you are perceiving things
You see, I identify myself with "Flood" for some of the information he had released about his past, good in the field, used to have destructive bahaviour, at some point wanted to change himself and allowed himself to trust in a woman.
Flood,
We have all enjoyed the way you busted the affair and taught your ex WW a hard lesson. You know that you can hook up with other women. You know that your wife is remorseful. Moreover, her self esteem is not good. If you feel a need to hold emotional power over her when she is in this condition, you are being sadistic.
wrong, She still learning her lesson, for the lesson to be completed she have to do alot of heavy lifting to win "the Flood" back.
He is not being sadistic, I put myself in his situation and I will be acting the same way, he is not having sex with her to punish her, he is having sex with her because he likes sex with her, he is not degrading her or humiliating her, but he is letting her know that she is not the only one.
He wants her to be hurt as him, he wants her to understand what she sacrificed for sex with other man, how he was loyal, how being loyal was a choice not an abligation, how getting women is not a problem for him, but he did not do it because he was happy with his family and the bond he shared with his wife and how she sacrificed it for a Little thrill. So now she is not number one, she have to fight as any other women to have him.
I am sure that the flood himself don't know if he wants her wife back or not, he is probably constantly debating what he should do, but she is letting her have a fighting chance
By cheating she was not 100% into your marriage. By treating her casually now you are not 100% into a relationship with her. Do you want to be 100% in?
He doesn't know, this woman helped him to put his life on track, give her a child and I am sure he never thought she would betray him, so he is out there with other women to empower himself, to enjoy, but also to find the answer if someone can make him happier that her.
Don't use sex as a weapon to mess with her head.
is not a weapon because he has stated how things are from the beginning, in any case is his wife who is using sex a a weapon to have him back (but also is enjoying it), and flow is enjoying it and at the same time using it as a reminder of how good are they together and how she wasted it for a stupid OM (I am sure he put extra effort to make her O).
The man has a right to love his ex if so chooses. What is missing is her self respect. She needs to forgive herself and act like an adult.
For god sake NO, the woman still need to loathe herself more and understand the fully extend of her actions.
she had in the home computer pictures of her having sex with other man, she needs to understand why she did this, why she keep the momento at home.
why even if as the Flood said, they had such a strong physically and emotionally connection, and she loved him, why she decided to risk it for a man who will not fill any of her needs better that her husband.
Listen to HappyMan. No need to treat your wife badly because other BS who are bitter want to kick their wives but cannot and want to you to do it through your wife.
Agreed. but he is not treating her badly, he maybe is being bold and a Little insensitive, but this are part of the consequences she put in motion when she stepped out of the marriage.
he is not humilating her or degrading her, he is in the other hand showing her what she is missing for her foolish actions, but he is not completely closing the door, he is just letting her know things will not be easy, and she has competition, he also wants to know her wife true reactions (will she begin to date other men?, how commited is her?, how badly wants him back?).
When Hard_to_Detach had sex with his WW posters came down on him and he hasn't come back.
I was one of those posters, and I would do it again, and I will if he came with the same circumstances.
you can not compare situatuions.
Hard_d's wife had previous EAs, possible PAs, she did not shown interest in hard_d until OM throw her under the buss, she was talking about reconcilation when one week prior slept with a bar tender, and now without consequences she was staying at home with the possibility of begining reconcilation without heavy lifting, WSs without consequences will fall in the same patterns again.
You can't compare Flood's and Hard_d's wives because background and reactions were totally different.
Why treat her like a hooker? Besides even hookers are people. Why shxt on someone who is trying?
he is not doing this, in fact he is being really respectful, many other BS will be calling names to her WS all the time.
Flood feel free to correct me if I am wrong.