Originally Posted by backtous
Now it has been six months and I have recently opened communication again with him. He has been doing everything in his power to get me back. There is a huge part of me that believes that he will never do this again but there is another huge part of me that worries I am being a "stupid girl" and just falling for his tricks.
BUT I cannot get the fact that he cheated out of my mind.
The question I have is should I give a second chance?
If you want him back he has to work hard, extremely hard to win your affection and trust again. If you do decide to let him into your life as you seem to be doing, understand that he may break your heart again in the future . Are you prepared to face this possibility? It could be a future with the divorce courts and single parenthood. No relationship, this one or others offers a cast iron guarantee of fidelity but you can both become educated about having healthy relationships to make sure you affair proof ANY relationship in the future.
It is sad that you have had this terrible experience but as you are young it could be turned into a blessing in diguise because you could have discovered this when you are committed and married with children and a home. It is a devastating experience and one should be able to go through life without ever experiencing this sort of treachery but, with the internet easy sex and infidelity at the click of a mouse, the high risk is ever present for any relationship.
Maybe go to a pre marriage class and go through all the difficult soul searching questionnaires about what you want out of life etc and this might make you both re-consider everything.
The fact you are rightly doubting him, means you are starting off any long committed married relationship on a bad foundation.
Saying you "love him" and that you think you cannot love anyone more than him maybe how you see it at the moment, but you are already in a position of weakness in this situation by making this statement because you may be compromising your moral standards and what is acceptable and not acceptable to you.
Maybe better to find someone else and have the discussions about fidelity and infidelity before as opposed to after the event. You may never trust this man again and he may see infidelity as an inbuilt pattern of behaviour or he has just learned the consequences of infidelity. Check his family background. Cheaters can learn from cheating parents and they may see infidelity as acceptable behaviour.
Ask a person if they believe in monogamy in a relationship. If the person says they believe in monogamy with the " right person" that statement is an indicator that if you become the "wrong person" it is OK for them to cheat. You want someone who believes in monogamy in a relationship, full stop, not just with the "right" person.