Re: Can't stop thinking about the affair
It helps to "move a muscle, change a thought" when the movies start running in your head. My H very recently had an EA, even though he swears nothing ever came of it. He's back in the bedroom, we're back to having sex, his cell phone calls have been cut in half like they were before her, his text usage has been cut by over 3/4, he's on the phone with me alot during the day and wants to spend his free time with me, he shows me affection--so I really do believe it is over. We haven't talked yet about the A itself, but I will bring it up at some point. We have talked about what led up to it though--disappointments, changed behaviors, etc. I, too, still think about what I imagine he did, and what I know for fact he did. There's a lot of anger and resentment on my part. But all that negative stuff just fuels problems. I figure that since it's still all so relatively new, and occupied all of my thoughts 24 hours a day, it's going to take a lot longer to change my way of thinking and what I think about. It does help not only to stay busy, but to purposely change the bad thought, and move that muscle--however that needs to be accomplished. The living in the "what if" will only add more anger & sadness for you. Because unless you are willing to actually go out and have that affair, it's a waste of your time and energy to keep thinking about it. And I think alot more of myself--what I want and need. In other words, be more kind to myself. It seemed like selfish behavior at first, but it is really true that in order for you to be happy with someone else, you have to be happy with yourself first.
It really stinks when this happens, and if you'd ask me awhile ago if there were any chance something good would have come out of it-I'd say you were crazy. There's usually light at the end of the tunnel, but no one said how long the tunnel would be or where it would come out. Good luck!