Emotional Affair - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

User Tag List

LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-09-2010, 09:51 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 3
Unhappy Emotional Affair

Hi, I'm new here and hoping that you'll be kind.

I've been married for 9 years, my husband is a wonderful man who I love very very much, he goes through pretty dark periods of depression and I find that I spend a lot of my time trying to jolly him out of his moods. He isn't very communicative and sometimes it's like pulling hens teeth to get him to talk, he also isn't very physically demonsterative and doesn't ever EVER annitiate physical affection. that said, I DO love him very much and would never never want to hurt him in any way.

A couple of weeks ago a male friends (online only so nothing physical) started paying a lot of attention to me, I found myself becoming increasingly attached to him, he was so easy to talk to and we talked about a lot of things in my past that my husband has said outright he doesn't want to know about. I found that I was having more and more feelings for this man.
I was very confused, he started calling me which just added to my confusion.

I didn't really understand what an 'emotional affair' was until I started looking at things online. I have said goodbye to this man and told him not to call me anymore and removed messanger from my computer so that there will be no temptation to 'chat'. I feel like I've done the right thing but now I feel so incredibly lonely

I don't know wether I should tell my husband what happened, I don't think with his insecurities he could handle it very well. I've asked him before about going into therapy but he isn't willing to see that there might be a problem, he believes that he's just 'quiet' and I should just accept things as they are.

I just want to be happy and it just seems so damn hard to be these days. I miss my friend but I don't want to get caught back up in something that will ultimately damage my marriage and hurt my husband.

I need help

ALittleLost is offline  
Sponsored Links
post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-09-2010, 10:04 AM
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Northeast US
Posts: 99
Re: Emotional Affair

I for one think you should tell him. Take whatever steps you feel are needed to do it in a comfortable situation, but he deserves to know. This kind of thing can serve to help or hinder your relationship; it's up to you to decide what to do with it.

And for heaven's sake tell him the WHOLE truth - what brought you together and what kept you together, and what eventually led you apart. Tell him what he doesn't want to know. He might reconsider counseling after all this - I hope - but he deserves to have everything. If he's truly depressed counseling and treatment will help you both.

People get involved with emotional affairs because of issues in their marriage - holes not being filled or whatever metaphor you like. Ending one affair doesn't plug the hole, and all too often, after a while, you might find yourself in another emotional affair almost without realizing it. He'll invariably notice these affairs but assume it's something else, or maybe he'll find out about it on his own. Will he feel better then?

I wish you both all the luck and happiness in the world.
Robrobb is offline  
post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-09-2010, 10:15 AM
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 137
Re: Emotional Affair

You did the right thing by cutting off communication with the other guy! I know it was hard, but good job for doing it. I agree with Robrobb about telling your husband. This might be the wake up call he needs to see that you aren't happy and he needs to work towards things with you. Even though your husband is struggling with depression, it is his depression and he needs to learn how to handle it even when things aren't so great between you. And if even after all of this he won't go to counseling, you should go just yourself to learn how to handle what you are feeling. Surround yourself with some great girlfriends who will support you and your marriage.
lbell629 is offline  
post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-09-2010, 10:20 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 3
Re: Emotional Affair

Originally Posted by lbell629 View Post
Surround yourself with some great girlfriends who will support you and your marriage.

I think this is part of my problem I don't have anyone I can talk to, where we live I am very isolated, I can go for weeks on end without talking to anyone at all other than my husband...when this started with the online friend i didn't even recognize what was happening, just that I felt better. It actually made it easier for me to deal with my husband and be more loving toward him emotionally and physicially...UNTIL I realized how wrong it actually was
ALittleLost is offline  
post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-09-2010, 10:38 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 3
Re: Emotional Affair

i just went through all my social networking sites (facebook, youtube etc.) and unsubscribed, defriended and blocked him. I'm serious about this never happening again.
ALittleLost is offline  
Sponsored Links

Quick Reply

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:


Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Emotional Affair? kgirl General Relationship Discussion 42 09-20-2012 04:03 PM
emotional affair... rocketman25 Coping with Infidelity 20 07-10-2011 03:17 PM
Emotional Affair singnchick0305 Coping with Infidelity 6 10-07-2009 06:48 AM
Emotional Affair - HELP! desparado Coping with Infidelity 33 09-30-2009 09:18 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome