imamess, you already know what is right and what is wrong, in this forum many people have been betrayed so you may think that their opinons are subjetives to their own experiences and are prone to hate cheaters like you, that may be true, but even so any imparcial party will tell you the same, what you are doing is wrong and you know it.
like you I was once a OM, she persued me relentlessly for months, she took every oportunity she had to have conversations with me, she sweet talked me every day with pet names, she caressed my hair and back during work everyday, she talked me about her circumstances (how bad were things with her husband), she told me her husband had an accident and they haven't had sex in loooong time, and finally she throw herslef at me and as she was gorgeous, I honestly didn't think in anything but the big erection I had at that moment.
I'm looking for ideas, support, a sanity check, all of the above. I don't know what I'm looking for. I'm confused, angry, sad and I feel guilt. I need to figure out what to do.
In a perfect world, you should quit your job, cut any communication with this woman, confess to JOE and ask for forgiveness, and dissapear from their lives. Of course you are not going to do this, I didn't do it and I experienced as kid the destruction of infedility, so you who in the "name of love" are banging someone else wife, why will you do it? (I did all, but confessing and apologizing to her husband)
That way I can bow out and discretely and let nature take its course between Joe and Jane. We talked about this earlier today and were leaning towards Joe and Jane taking some time to make a go of it. She told me if it doesn't work out, that she'll divorce him and she'll look me up. I think that's fair. Besides, I think Joe won't be able to measure up and fix his problems anyways, so it's only a matter of time. Then Jane and I can do it the right way.
For those of you saying that Joe should "beat my ass" or that Jane actually chooses Joe over me whenever she goes home to him, you don't know Joe. There is no chance he could ever beat me up. I'm into weight training, rock climbing, mountain biking, hunting, fishing, etc. I'm ex military and know how to defend myself quite well. Joe may be younger, but he's out of shape and he actually does have facial acne (to the person who said that I sounded like a pimply kid living in the basement).
So you are better looking and fitter than him, so what?, does that give you the right to make his life a hell, to humiliate him, to bang his wife, to make him a fool, tell me big stud, what will you do if JOE confronts you in pain and destroyed, will you kick his ass, will you spit on him and make fun of how you **** his wife I am sure there are humans out there that have done that in the past.
I still so many years later wonder how will I respond to her husband if comes looking for me, I know I will bow and apologize I don't know what else I would do, of course I can Kick his ass, he was just leaving the Wheel chair acording to her wife when our fling happened, so probably have some muscles that are permanently damaged, should I do it big stud?
But the honorable thing to do is to bow out for now and let Joe have his shot at fixing his flaws. I know Jane won't be too patient with him because she's been waiting on him to improve for 3 years without any action on his part. I think in the end things will work out.
There is nothing honorable in that, is just less damaging
you criticize JOE for doing what every man do in their relationships, entering in a comfort zone, I bet JANE don't tell you all the sweet and good things he does for her, how could she?, she will be a b*tch if she were betraying him while he is a good husband, but why is she still hasitating if he is a lost case?.
tell me, if you are so different from others men and you can make a woman so blissfully happy 24/7, why are you divorcing? I guess if we ask your Xwife she will give us alot of reasons just like JANE.
Jane is out of his league to be honest, and I don't understand how those two ended up together in the first place. No offense intended towards Joe, but I'm definitely a better catch than he ever could be.
I'm angry at myself for falling for Jane. I'm even a little angry at Jane for settling for someone instead of following her heart.
that's her problem, she may be beautiful outside but the way she is betrayng her husband make her a despicable human being, don't give me that crap that she does not believe in divorce, the only reason for not believing in divorce if you don't have kids is for religious reasons, but obviously religion have nothing to do with her choice because she is being unfaithful.
There's no need for sarcasm. I'm willing to give them their shot. Granted, I think it will be difficult for them because he probably won't change his routines and hobbies, plus I think Jane will still be thinking about me during this as well. She and I had some really good times together. Nevertheless, Joe deserves to get his shot to fix it.
he deseves his shot? really? he is the husband, he does not have nothing to prove to you, the best thing you can do for him at this point is letting him know he is married to a unfaithful Wh*re
So is this a situation where I'm damned no matter what I do? If I step aside, I'm ridiculed. If I pursue, it's ridicule. I think there isn't anything I can say or do that will be seen as a positive thing.
I'm a pretty decent guy and don't deserve to be made out to be a terrible person.
of course not, you already did a despicable thing, just as how I did it, I just did it once, and from there, there was nothing positive a could do about it, just less damaging, and that is one of the reasons that brought me to his forum.
Now decent guy let me tell you what is the saddest of all this matter, is not what JOE's wife is doing, because she probbly have done it before or have ended doing it with someone else if you weren't in the picture (just as I am sure it had happened in my case).
The saddest thing is that probably JOE have fond feelings for you, consideres you a nice guy and a role model, he probably talks with other cooworkers about how nice are you by giving him overtime for his financial problems, as he thinks you are being a good human being helping him with his problems as he knows he don't deserve the overtime , he probably is symphatetic of your marriage sitatuion wishing you find a good woman, cooworkers always divides between the ones who talk bad about their bosses and the ones who defend them, in which side you think JOE is?.
If the poor fool just knew you are banging his wife right? what a joke of human being right? thanking you while you bang his wife.
you are going to destroy this person in ways any other has done before, you are going to throw him into a abiss of dispair, and make him doubt every time a human have a nice gesture towards him, but I guess that is not your problem.