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I don't like myself and I need help

50K views 263 replies 93 participants last post by  imamess222 
#1 ·
Hello everyone. I wish I wasn't here. I have a real dilemma on my hands and I'm afraid that I'll make a terrible mistake. I'm sleeping with a married woman. Not a good thing, I already know that. What makes it worse though is that the husband of the woman works for me. I'm his boss. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I've even scheduled him to work different shifts just so I could spend time with his wife. It makes me feel terrible to write this. It's the first time I put that into print, and it looks bad. But I love this woman. She's smart, sexy and we just click. I've never felt this way for any other woman before - even for my wife. We're legally separated so I am not cheating on my wife at the moment. I think she and I can have something really special. But I don't feel right with this situation right now. If there was a way to get this man to leave his wife, the problem would be solved and we'd all be happy. Unfortunately, I don't think that's going to happen. So what now? How can I get through this without hurting anyone? I'm even considering giving the guy a bigger bonus than he deserves because I feel bad about what's going on. But the guy is not that good of a worker. He's a nice guy, but he's not that smart and tends to slow everyone down. I'm trying to find a good solution that will be beneficial to everyone. I'm looking for ideas, support, a sanity check, all of the above. I don't know what I'm looking for. I'm confused, angry, sad and I feel guilt. I need to figure out what to do.
 
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#145 ·
"She is no prize sir. Until she comes clean and changes her ways anyway....."

somethingelse,

He has the same problem though he is obviously blind to it since he has already posted how he is so much better of a man and a catch that the BH.

He is nothing but a self-centered, self-serving excuse for a man.

In his last post, he is even justifying continuing to hide his scummy behavior.

It's obvious OP you have zero concept of being a man with honor and integrity.
 
#148 ·
The best thing I can do to atone for my "sins" is to live the best life I can and to stay out of Joe's and Jane's way - to the best of my (and Jane's) abilities.
You have the ability to stay out of Joe and Jane’s way and could put a stop to it today if you really wanted to.




“The best thing I can do to atone for my "sins" is to live the best life I can…”
You can start living that best life by getting right with God, yourself, and your wife. You betrayed your wife and owe her big time. I assume she has not been humping another man so you have committed the biggest wrong in your marriage. According t your posts, the only thing your wife did that upset you was be depressed over a death and not give you enough sex. No wonder you said that you do not like yourself. You can make it up if you really want to.

You and Jane have proven that you cannot be trusted to be faithful in a marriage so make sure you sever the ties with Jane once and for all. Jane may have given you some hot sex but she cheated on her husband because he liked to play a lot of video games. Do you really think that the hot sex will last with Jane if you go back to her, live with her, and go through life’s disasters with her? How many disasters do you think it would take for her to replace you?

Work on your marriage and do not stop when you hit disappointments. There will be times when you will be disappointed in your wife and she will be disappointed with you but the best shot you have a good marriage is with your wife. The reason that I say this is because of what you said below
Besides, my wife is a better catch overall than Jane anyways. No knock on Jane because she is pretty, smart and fun to be around. But my wife is on another level if she can kick her depression to the curb.

Even when you are disappointed with your wife for not giving you hot sex and only once a week, you have stated that she is really on another level and that is a very positive statement about your wife.

Another reason that your best bet to have a good marriage is with your wife is that it will be very hard if not impossible to find another good woman that wants to marry a man that betrayed his wife when she got sick.

Do not forget to also work on yourself so you can get over you not liking yourself. You do have a conscience and have made the right decision for yourself by going back to your wife but you will struggle for some time. You know that if you got sick and were a drag on your wife you would want her to stick by you until you got better. You also have to face the fact that you, like Jane did not stick by your spouse. A good man with a conscience will struggle with this reality. From what you have written I do believe that you are a good man that has taken the selfish road and have done some real damage.



Three reasons for you to work hard to make your marriage work:

1 It is the right thing to do

2 Your chances of getting another good woman are slim to none and I think slim may have left the building.

3 You need to like yourself again
 
#152 ·
What I don't like about myself is the fact that this relationship with Jane started in the first place. It's not like I intentionally sought her out. It just happened. How would you feel if you ended up having strong feelings for a married woman? It sucks.

But with the help of you guys on this forum, I've reconnected with my wife and this relationship with Jane should eventually stop.
 
#151 ·
If you cared about their money situation than help them! you keep referring to money, your a little whizzle who is trying to justify you whizzle actions. "I feel if I give him a bonus" to compensate for screwing his wife... wtf!!! Then you talk about how giving him overtime helps their financial situation - who are you to talk about their situation you! You are unbelievable with your rationale, no wonder you are alone and ruining other people's marriage. Oh I forget, she would be cheating anyone with someone else right. Dude you are pathetic, you need serious help.
 
#163 ·
I plan on getting back together with my wife. I have no intentions of cheating on her; however, I may fall off the wagon a couple of times while we are reconciling. I'm only human, and when you get as deep into an affair, it can be hard to get out. It's like being hooked on drugs. I read somewhere that you can be addicted to heroine after taking one dose. You can say that Jane is my heroine.
 
#160 ·
If your wife had an affair, how would you feel?

Have you gone NC with Jane?

You are still cake eating. How about telling her H what you are doing?

How do you know you will not get stds from Jane? there is a new strain of HIV that works twice as fast as before in going to full scale AIDS.

Jane could be having more than one affair. Jane would not cheat on her husband, correct? So she would never lie to you? To justify her affair, she will magnify every fault of the her H to you.

Do you know the pain of having someone cheat on you?

Tell your wife what you are doing. When she gets an std from you, she will know what you did.

My friend's wife gave him AIDS from her affairs. He is now dead. So is she and she died after he did. The kids all know what she did. The kids are being raised by their grandparents.

No one will get hurt from your cheating, right? You do not care about your wife. Give her a divorce, let her find someone that really cares about her.

Then you can be with Jane, and hope that she does not cheat on you like she did with you.
 
#164 ·
No, I'm not a troll. I wish I was, because experiencing this in real life is not fun. I know you guys think that I'm the spawn of Satan. But you don't know what I'm going through. Everyone keys on how bad Joe is being screwed over in all this. But what about me. I didn't ask for this. It just happened. In some ways, it's not my fault. If Joe would have taken care of his wife at home, things could be different today. I know you guys don't want to hear that, but it's the truth. I'm sorry.

If it wasn't for you guys, I'd be still traveling down this road with Jane. You guys helped me to open my eyes and see that my marriage is worth saving. I give you my thanks from the bottom of my heart.
 
#165 ·
Like I said, rebound relationship. I called this one on the first page or something. She was playing this poor sap and Joe. Jane is the real player in this game. She'll probably have a new OM pretty soon. OP, good luck with your wife. Although I think you should be relationship free. But you sound like the kinda guys that needs a relationship with women to validate yourself. But I think you should work on you first.


Good luck.
 
#167 ·
Imamesss,

Look....

There's no "falling of the wagon" while your reconciling.

You either commit, or you don't.

The fact that you have this all planned out concerns me. You are already making excuses.

In all respect.....

You plan on it being ok to cheat while you are reconciling.

You plan on reconciling while you are infatuated with the other women.

You think you and the OW deserve each other because joe is such a d!ck.

Yet, you have plans on reconciliation....

Ok. You may be a deceny guy in heart. But your all confused. And your confusion has your "rationalization hampster" in your brain working overtime.

Listen to what everyone is saying. And listen with an open mind...

At the current path...you ARE damned if you do. And if you don't.

The fact of the matter is your separated....and want to reconcile, but also pursue the OW.

And in pursuing the OW, you over extended your position to give work to her husband....so you can get with his wife.

So not good....on so many levels....not to mention legal implications.

And...your brain is so pumped with oxytocin with the thrill your getting with the OW that you rationalize cheating while reconciling with your wife. Again...not good.

Look....take a step back for a moment.....

Do you want to reconcile?

Do you want to keep it with the OW?

Do you want to create a very expensive lawsuit?

Do you want to lose your career and everything you've worked for until now?

Stop the insanity. Realize it's just oxytocin, seratonin, and other potent brain chemicals influencing your thoughts right now.

Take a step back and rationalize what you really want.

Btw. Those oxytocin and other brain chefs are just as addictive as heroin. After you separate your feelings, you will start to think more rationally.
 
#173 ·
This thread ought to be deleted. Even if he is real (and I seriously doubt it), it's a waste of board space and time as this guy is completely devoid of morals and integrity.
 
#175 ·
Quote of imams
I didn't ask for this. It just happened. In some ways, it's not my fault. If Joe would have taken care of his wife at home, things could be different today. I know you guys don't want to hear that, but it's the truth. I'm sorry
STOP IT!!
Stop with the “it just happened” and “in some ways it is not my fault”

You are going to lose those that want to help you if you keep coming up with Jr. High excuses.


The truth is that when your wife got sick and depressed over a death and did not give you enough sex you allowed yourself to get involved with a married woman and stab Joe in the back! You can dance all around but that is the cold truth!

Also stop with the “, I may fall off the wagon a couple of times while we are reconciling. I'm only human” crap! You can stop the possibility of cheating if you really want to. You are the boss and can impose severe consequences on Jane and Joe if she ever tries to seduce you. There are a lot of ways you can stop the A.


You have decided to R with your wife and try and stop the A. I can almost give you a high five for that! You need to go one more step and make sure that Jane knows that she will suffer if she tries too have sex with you. Do you want to remain emotionally weak and unable to do what you know you should do?


Do what is right and get help if you need to. You are a mess and do not like yourself because you betrayed a sick and depressed woman and stabbed Joe in the back and allowed Jane to have control over your weak emotions.

You can rebuild yourself if you want to; you just have to do some hard things
 
#178 ·
So in the space of 168 hours:
*you got it on with Joe's slvt

*Made some rules for your wife to follow if she wanted to R

*Managed to R with your wife

*Joe and (what's her made up name?) are managing to clean up their mess

*spent a great deal of time on this story

*managed to go to your third shift job at Micky D (oops sorry, I meant to say to you "executive" job at whatever place you made up)

-------------------
Just out of curiosity, how's that cure for cancer coming along?
--------------------------
This is one of the most obvious "T R O ...L " threads I've ever seen.
Not imaginative at all.
 
#179 ·
So in the space of 168 hours:
*you got it on with Joe's slvt

*Made some rules for your wife to follow if she wanted to R

This is the part that pisses me off. He has rules for his W. But his wife isn't going to have the opportunity to make any meaningful rules for him because he will not tell her he is a cheater.

Therefore she will be working on the marriage thinking its her burden and that he doesn't have to do a damn thing except be there. Amazing.

*Managed to R with your wife
Seem a lot like reconciliation if one person gets the other to do exactly as they demand all the while nothing has changed on their end (lying, cheating, etc)
 
#180 ·
Wow. Not that posting here will make a dit of difference, but I think OP ditched his wife when she got depressed because he already had his eye on Jane. Prolly been banging her longer than has been told. Now he's worried about his (alleged) career so is getting back with poor W. She's foolish enough to go for it. I feel sorry for her.

OP, if the thing with Jane is over, it's OVER. You don't get heroin. Your W is your heroin. Anything else is just more dirtbag behavior.

Roll bread. I'm out.
 
#181 ·
troll thread.

everytime people start to post that they are losing interest because this looks like a troll thread, there is suddenly a new developement that (from my perspective) looks like an attempt to satiate just that little bit of need to show that he is "genuine" and working on his issues while at the same time maintaining enough of an illusion of "*******" that people still post.

and i too would like to hear the cure for cancer.

;0
 
#216 ·
everytime people start to post that they are losing interest because this looks like a troll thread, there is suddenly a new developement
Looks like we have a new development!

I have a question that I'd like some feedback on. An old flame tried to contact me on facebook.
I'm betting that the next new development is that Jane will be pregnant with his child. He plans to raise the child as his own and run back and forth between both families without his wife having any idea of his secret second life because he doesn't want her to find out about the cheating because he doesn't want to hurt her.

Any takers?

I find this thread to be entertaining. Who needs Stephen King when you've got this stuff to read?
 
#186 ·
Hello everyone. I wanted to update you on how things are going with my reconciliation with my wife. It's going well. I'm so glad I took the plunge to reconnect with her. We haven't been this happy in years, and we really want to turn the page and enjoy our marriage again. It's like a phoenix rising from the ashes.

I owe everyone my thanks for taking the time to talk some sense into me in this thread. I almost made the biggest mistake in my life by walking away from my marriage. You guys are truly the best!
 
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