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I don't like myself and I need help

50K views 263 replies 93 participants last post by  imamess222 
#1 ·
Hello everyone. I wish I wasn't here. I have a real dilemma on my hands and I'm afraid that I'll make a terrible mistake. I'm sleeping with a married woman. Not a good thing, I already know that. What makes it worse though is that the husband of the woman works for me. I'm his boss. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I've even scheduled him to work different shifts just so I could spend time with his wife. It makes me feel terrible to write this. It's the first time I put that into print, and it looks bad. But I love this woman. She's smart, sexy and we just click. I've never felt this way for any other woman before - even for my wife. We're legally separated so I am not cheating on my wife at the moment. I think she and I can have something really special. But I don't feel right with this situation right now. If there was a way to get this man to leave his wife, the problem would be solved and we'd all be happy. Unfortunately, I don't think that's going to happen. So what now? How can I get through this without hurting anyone? I'm even considering giving the guy a bigger bonus than he deserves because I feel bad about what's going on. But the guy is not that good of a worker. He's a nice guy, but he's not that smart and tends to slow everyone down. I'm trying to find a good solution that will be beneficial to everyone. I'm looking for ideas, support, a sanity check, all of the above. I don't know what I'm looking for. I'm confused, angry, sad and I feel guilt. I need to figure out what to do.
 
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#191 ·
It's been awhile, so I'll update you guys on how things are going. Reconciliation continues to go well. I still haven't told my wife anything about the affair and don not intend to do so. Jane is out of my life completely. Everyone who said that this was a fog induced love - spot on. She was actually fired from the company for stealing office supplies. So that's good news for me, because now if she tries to get me in trouble with the company by accusing me of having an affair, it will look like someone trying to cause trouble because they were fired with cause. Honestly, I can't believe that I actually spent time with someone who was that dishonest to steal. It was office supplies for sh!ts sake. Why would someone jeopardize their job over something so stupid.

Joe is still a lazy worker who needs to get his act together. Honestly, I think he will be let go in the next month if he doesn't turn it around. I think they will be lucky to make their marriage.

Thanks again to everyone on TAM who have taught me to love myself more than I was by doing such a dumb thing.
 
#192 ·
Seems to me you haven't learned a damned thing about properly loving, and being honest with, your wife. But hey, as long as you're content, that's all that matters. Right?

Good luck. And even better luck to our wife. She'll need it.
 
#200 ·
I realize a number of people don't believe my thread. That's OK because it's cathartic for me to post. For those who are in my corner, an update.

Things are going very well. I quit the old job and obtained a better job with more pay, benefits, etc. My wife and I have been getting better this past month. She's not as depressed as she was before, and continuing to make progress. Our sex life is good. We're moving out of state soon, so it will be a new start for us. Jane is now an unpleasant thought that occasionally pops up in my mind. I'm ashamed that I cheated with her. I could have done better. Life is more than just a hot ass. What makes me happy is that we're going to start a new adventure with no worries or pain from the past to bite us. I learned from my experiences with Jane, so the situation wasn't all that bad. If nothing else, it makes life more interesting! Will follow up soon. Hopefully my wife doesn't let us down like she did the last time.
 
#211 ·
I realize a number of people don't believe my thread. That's OK because it's cathartic for me to post. For those who are in my corner, an update.

Things are going very well. I quit the old job and obtained a better job with more pay, benefits, etc. My wife and I have been getting better this past month. She's not as depressed as she was before, and continuing to make progress. Our sex life is good. We're moving out of state soon, so it will be a new start for us. Jane is now an unpleasant thought that occasionally pops up in my mind. I'm ashamed that I cheated with her. I could have done better. Life is more than just a hot ass. What makes me happy is that we're going to start a new adventure with no worries or pain from the past to bite us. I learned from my experiences with Jane, so the situation wasn't all that bad. If nothing else, it makes life more interesting! Will follow up soon. Hopefully my wife doesn't let us down like she did the last time.
This highlighted parts are absolutely hilarious.

Maybe the OP can get a classy, hotter ass next time, so he won't be so ashamed of who he picked to cheat on his depressed, let-down of a wife.

Classic.
 
#201 ·
I think I've heard this story before... oh yea.
You never know, David and Bathsheba turned out ok. It was all rainbows and unicorns for those two. David's love never led to anything like murder or getting betrayed by his dear B. There probably won't be any real consequences for you either.
 
#204 ·
Hello everyone. I wish I wasn't here. I have a real dilemma on my hands and I'm afraid that I'll make a terrible mistake. I'm sleeping with a married woman. Not a good thing, I already know that. What makes it worse though is that the husband of the woman works for me. I'm his boss. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I've even scheduled him to work different shifts just so I could spend time with his wife. It makes me feel terrible to write this. It's the first time I put that into print, and it looks bad. But I love this woman. She's smart, sexy and we just click. I've never felt this way for any other woman before - even for my wife. We're legally separated so I am not cheating on my wife at the moment. I think she and I can have something really special. But I don't feel right with this situation right now. If there was a way to get this man to leave his wife, the problem would be solved and we'd all be happy. Unfortunately, I don't think that's going to happen. So what now? How can I get through this without hurting anyone? I'm even considering giving the guy a bigger bonus than he deserves because I feel bad about what's going on. But the guy is not that good of a worker. He's a nice guy, but he's not that smart and tends to slow everyone down. I'm trying to find a good solution that will be beneficial to everyone. I'm looking for ideas, support, a sanity check, all of the above. I don't know what I'm looking for. I'm confused, angry, sad and I feel guilt. I need to figure out what to do.
It's been awhile, so I'll update you guys on how things are going. Reconciliation continues to go well. I still haven't told my wife anything about the affair and don not intend to do so. Jane is out of my life completely. Everyone who said that this was a fog induced love - spot on. She was actually fired from the company for stealing office supplies. So that's good news for me, because now if she tries to get me in trouble with the company by accusing me of having an affair, it will look like someone trying to cause trouble because they were fired with cause. Honestly, I can't believe that I actually spent time with someone who was that dishonest to steal. It was office supplies for sh!ts sake. Why would someone jeopardize their job over something so stupid.

Joe is still a lazy worker who needs to get his act together. Honestly, I think he will be let go in the next month if he doesn't turn it around. I think they will be lucky to make their marriage.

Thanks again to everyone on TAM who have taught me to love myself more than I was by doing such a dumb thing.
You slept with her. You got what you wanted. I know you try to lift yourself up, but you do not have to belittle the OW to make you look better. You want to protect yourself without consideration for anyone else and let Jane faces the aftermath alone. Some men are so cruel. You are one of them. I feel scared after reading your thread.
 
#206 ·
I have faced the consequences of my actions. I have to live with what I did. I'm not proud of the fact that I had an affair with someone like Jane. If I had it to do over again, I would have picked someone with more class. But that's in the past and I cannot change that. But believe me, knowing how this turned out. I am suffering the consequences of my action. I have a lot of shame that I feel for myself, and that is a pretty big punishment to bear. Better to suffer in silence knowing that I picked a terrible affair partner than to unburden myself onto someone else. I'm strong enough to carry on. That's the consequence of what I did.
 
#207 ·
I'm not sure why I am being targeted as a liar. I've poked around here and have seen plenty of over the top stories that don't get questioned. But for some reason people want to jump all over me. This is ridiculous. This site has been a good support for me and inspiration. But the repeated accusations of being a troll are a bit too much to take.
 
#208 ·
Well, either you're a troll or you're a...

You know what, you're not worth a ban, even a temp ban.

Either way, world's smallest violin, right over here...
 
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#214 ·
I have a question that I'd like some feedback on. An old flame tried to contact me on facebook. I have no interest in her. However, my wife saw that this woman reached out. I told her that the old flame was just that - an old flame that is no longer in my life. She's concerned that I might be looking to cheat on her. Any advice on how to soothe her nerves? I know it sounds funny coming from me since I had the fling with Jane. But since my wife has no clue about that, I plan to keep it that way. Our reconnection is going so well, but I'm afraid that this dumb bell from my past will cause my wife to question things. I don't need that at the moment. I worked too hard to salvage this marriage. So, what can I do to sooth her concerns?
 
#228 ·
I have a question that I'd like some feedback on. An old flame tried to contact me on facebook. I have no interest in her. However, my wife saw that this woman reached out. I told her that the old flame was just that - an old flame that is no longer in my life. She's concerned that I might be looking to cheat on her. Any advice on how to soothe her nerves? I know it sounds funny coming from me since I had the fling with Jane. But since my wife has no clue about that, I plan to keep it that way.
Until, like you said, slip here and there and cheat again.


Our reconnection is going so well, but I'm afraid that this dumb bell from my past will cause my wife to question things.
Boy, you just have a low opinion of everyone don't you? Jane's husband, this woman, your wife since you cheated on her.

I have to say this, but you have no business badmouthing anyone else.


I don't need that at the moment.
At the moment? While you aren't slipping?

I worked too hard to salvage this marriage. So, what can I do to sooth her concerns?
What you already said you would do in another post, block the OP on FB. But I wonder if your wife already senses that you aren't really trustworthy. She may be smarter than you think.
 
#224 ·
This is my life we're talking about, not some Hollywood script or a novel. I'd love for all of this to have been a big lie. It would have meant that I didn't have a wife who neglected me and forced me to seek affection from another. But unfortunately for me, this is all too real. Fortunately for me, I have learned a lot from the people on this forum - TAM as I've seen it called on other threads. It's thanks to TAM that I am doing much better.
 
#232 ·
What a saint. I mean here he is manipulating an employee's schedule so he can bang his wife, cheats on his own wife and everyone ELSE is the problem and below him.

-his wife is some sort of neglectful b!tch who let him down, hence his excuse for cheating

-Joe is some sort of lazy slob and deserves what he gets since he is working so much that he isn't at home with his wife:rolleyes:

-and now he isn't proud that he got into an affair with someone like Jane:rolleyes:

Sorry imamess, you don't get to take the high road with anyone involved. Your wife and Joe are innocent in all of this, Jane is a cheating POS, then there is you who is the common denominator in it all.

So you are at the bottom of the morality totem pole here. Do your wife a favor and divorce her.
 
#234 ·
Things are still going well, but things are getting complicated. Jane threw Joe out of the house. It appears that she got tired of his ways. Joe wants to meet me for lunch somewhere to talk about how he screwed up his marriage. I should spend a little time with him to help him fix his marriage. It will be awkward since Jane is a their. But I feel like I should try to help out because I'm a good person.
 
#236 ·
Yup, agreed. Troll thread.

Comes back with a story of Joe getting thrown out because the ho is tired of his crap, ya right.

And that Joe comes to OP saying he screwed up his marriage, all in the attempt to make Joe out to be the jerk imamess wants us all to believe.

I think the story in general is real, but the events that occurred since the first post are made up stories.

Mods? Time to lock it up?
 
#237 ·
Sorry to break it to you, but this is all real. I admit that there is irony in Joe wanting to talk to me. However, give me some credit for being tactful and a good person. I'm thinking of sending him over to this site for help. I would never divulge my own username to him, but I know this site would be good for Joe to get some healing. Having a wife like Jane is pretty devastating. It can be traumatic to a guy to learn that his wife isn't who he thought she was. Learning that his wife would steal things is pretty hard for the guy. I no longer work at the place that Joe does. I'm glad I'm no longer there.

My wife and I continue to make progress. We've been intimate 3 times in the past 5 days. We're learning to love each other on a deeper level and to become better lovers for each other.
 
#241 ·
However, give me some credit for being tactful and a good person.
LOL

I know a lot of people don't believe me, but I really need your help now. Somehow my wife found out this weekend that I had an affair with Jane. I don't know who told her, but I am in trouble. My wife is asking a lot of difficult to answer questions. I don't want to hurt her, but if I answer all these questions she'll probably leave me. This isn't fair for any of us. What do I do from here?
Well, it turns out that the Karma Bus is your reward for being such a "good person".
 
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