should i keep laying my soul out by trusting her

turnera · 05-11-2011, 08:35 AM

Sounds pretty spot on. Have you explained this to her? Maybe she just needs to hear it, to understand it.

i_feel_broken · 10-17-2011, 08:43 AM

Well.... it has been over 5 months since my last post but i thought i would post a very quick update. For most of you who don't know my story/nightmare feel free to read my thread for a clear cut case of a WS following 'the script'!. For those that remember me... hello again.

So here I am about 18 months after my d-day... still legally married but separated. My wife let to live with OM (again) in june and we have in that time adjusted to living apart fairly well. My son goes to the school near my home as wife decided not to go through with an appeal to get him into a school near them. My poor son is doing so well at adapting and has settled into school really well. We share his time 50/50 and I have learnt to love both my time with him and without despite missing him lots.

We sold the house this last week and I finally got myself my own home! my dad helped me finance it but it is a new build house just round the corner from our old house so my son has some consistency. I have also started dating a very attractive italian girl who lives round the corner, she is a few years younger than me and has a 1 year old son. Her partner left her the same time my wife left me.

For the first time in a couple of years the darkness started to lift and things seemed to be going well..... I started to feel like myself again for the first time in ages.

Then boom my wife told me yesterday she is going to leave OM and her job (with his company). She found about me seeing someone and has decided she wants me back and wants to rebuild our life...

AAArrghhhh... why do they do this. I don't want her back now, I have had enough and I can't go through any more... I don't even feel like that any more for her after what she has done. But now she is saying that she wants me back and it is best for my son and making me feel like I will be the one who has killed the marriage if i don't go for it!

I have told her to stay with OM but she says she can't... I'm terrified that she will either move away and try and take son or move in next door!

Whip Morgan · 10-17-2011, 08:59 AM

IFB,

I've been through your threads, read them long ago. Why haven't you filed for divorce yet? Or do you have to wait a length of time while seperated, where you live?

Yeah, you saw right through your wife as soon as she brought up that reconciliation nonsense. She is just upset that you're moving on, and you can't be her plan B anymore. It seemed like throughout your story she had some kind of sick pleasure in stringing you along.

Heres the thing to remember ( and you already know) that she is the one that killed your marriage, not you. Any attempt to get you think any other way is a clear sign she is still in whatever fog (that may never left) she is in. She isn't good wife material.

ArabianKnight · 10-17-2011, 11:24 AM

I cant believe you even serioulsy thinking about it. you should not even talk or email her.

Eli-Zor · 10-17-2011, 12:18 PM

Your wife has said much of the same many times and yet she continued the affair. Tell her action speaks louder than words , do not imply or indicate the marriage will be restored , be non committal . I would start keeping your son with you more often, find reasons to have him with you and in parallel have your lawyer develop a plan that suits you.
I think your wife is once again playing little games , be firm simply say she has said this before and has never followed through.

Carry on with the Italian , though I myself would suggest you divorce first before you start any serious relationship with her.

Hang in there , you went through your wife's lies and deceit far to often to be fooled by this recent move.
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Eli-Zor · 10-17-2011, 12:29 PM

Broken : avoid discussions with her other than if it is about your son, if she brings it up again shrug your shoulders remind her - seeing is believing . I doubt your wife will carry through what she says . Stick to the seeing is believing attitude .
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turnera · 10-17-2011, 12:37 PM

Divorce her. Then, if you DO want to date her again, you can make sure you have her sign a prenup before you take her back.

And if you don't have a legal form stating your right to your son (so she can't move and take him with her), then you're a fool.

MrQuatto · 10-17-2011, 07:35 PM

Just remember that since you're still married, she may have the right to half the house you have now.

I would not have gone that far without having divorced 1st. This could get real complicated.

Q~

morituri · 10-18-2011, 08:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrQuatto

Just remember that since you're still married, she may have the right to half the house you have now.

I would not have gone that far without having divorced 1st. This could get real complicated.

Q~

You might want to read Is Property that I Acquired During a Separation Considered “Marital Property”?

Oh and stay the course in telling your wife NO to reconciliation.

bryanp · 10-18-2011, 09:33 AM

For God's sakes just divorce her and move on with your life and stop the drama.

tacoma · 10-18-2011, 09:37 AM

Divorce her....

i_feel_broken · 10-20-2011, 03:56 AM

thanks... I have no intention of reconciliation. I have moved on and I am not interested in working things out with my wife. I wish I could for my son as he is upset by it all but I just can't.

She is in a terrible mess now, she is going to lose her job, house etc. She has very little friends and is in a serious state of depression. This unfortunately means that she will probably need csa money from me which, after my house move, is going to be hard to afford. She is talking about moving back to my area and claiming benefits, living of savings etc. She says she will probably need half the furniture etc now and wants to have more of the time with my son.

This sucks...she left me! she moved in with someone with more money and gave me everything. I wish I had rushed the divorce through... a mistake.

Can't really see how this is ever going to get resolved... I have told her I am not interested but she is going a bit mental. When is she going to stop making my life so hard!!!

Eli-Zor · 10-20-2011, 04:07 AM

Has she left the OM and resigned from her job, if not she still has a home and a salary. Her depression is her problem , your only issue is how to get your son away from her and for you to be the primary carer. Try to go dark on her and if you do talk only discuss your son , she will try push many buttons to get you to react to her.
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Shaggy · 10-20-2011, 08:21 AM

Get those papers going now. She abandoned you, do use that before she cmes back wanting stuff. Get that divorce under way. Why are you waiting?
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bryanp · 10-20-2011, 08:34 AM

See an attorney now!