Originally Posted by lostbutsearching View Post
Has anyone here directly contacted the POSOM or POSOW after their SO had a PA, EA, ONS etc.? I'd like to hear some of your experiences and thoughts.
I came across the OM last week and froze up. He did not see me, but I triggered hard and was not sure how to react.
I had already mailed my wife's "no contact" letter, addressed to other man, but sent via certified mail to his wife, with enough details that she would know what went on and I had already received confirmation that she had received it.
Other man had been unemployed for over a year. He had just finally gotten a job shortly before I found out about the affair. My wife threw him under the bus in order to save the marriage. I could see that some messages were sent from work. I called up and had a conversation with his boss. After other man was fired, I called him directly and told him he was lucky all he lost was his job, next time he would not get off so easy. I told him that as long as I never heard about him again, no one else would need to know.
I reconciled with my wife, but I would have done this anyway. He had no kids, but I would have done this anyway.
Any man wants to mess with a woman he knows is married, he has to expect that the married woman's husband might strike back in one way or another.
He is accountable for his own actions. Whether I choose to forgive my wife and not him is MY choice to make. I have a 20-plus year history and kids with my wife, who apologized over and over and did everything I asked to make it up to me, to help me decide to forgive her. He had none of that going for him.
I was fortunate as to the situation and what I was able to do and how I was able to do it. It took very little time or effort on my part. It gave me a sense of closure and I feel it played a part in helping me to get over the affair more quickly.
What I did was not without risk, but it was a calculated risk based on my situation relative to other man's situation and fortunately it turned out that I calculated correctly.
Aside from the no contact letter, my wife didn't know what I was doing. As far as I know, she still doesn't know.