The first thing I would recommend if you hear your disloyal spouse say they want a divorce--just remember that often a disloyal will talk about
divorce, but won't actually take the time to file. It is their ultimate threat--"Do what I want and let me continue my affair...or else!"
Second, most disloyals want a "quickie" divorce and are envisioning "collaborative divorce within 2 months at the most." I suspect most also think that at the end of the divorce, everyone can call still "be friends" and the loyal will continue to meet their needs!
Of course none of this is based in reality.
In reality a divorce RARELY if ever takes 1-2 months. What disloyals are thinking is... (of course) Affair Fantasy. Every state that I know of has a minimum of a 90 day wait and some have up to a year! And it would take 90 days IF, AND ONLY IF, both parties were cooperative and agreed. As an example, in my instance my state was 90 days and by then my ex had moved out for 2 years, was with his mistresses and would not reconcile, and we pretty much agreed on all but a very few things. Ours was fairly fast and it was 120 days because by then we were 2 years of trying to work it out! If there is any disagreement or non-disclosure, I've seen divorces that take years literally. There's a lady here on TAM, 827Aug, whose divorce has taken years because it was complicated with a business and other assets (plus stalling). Sooooo...any disloyal "fantasy" of a couple months is so they can legitimize their adulterous relationship. The Disloyal and the OP can get a love shack together and set up and play house. It has nothing whatsoever to do with reality! According to national divorce statistics, the average length of time it takes to finalize divorce settlements and other proceedings is one year in the United States.
So with reality firmly in grasp, let's go over what to do if your disloyal spouse really does file for divorce.
There are Five Steps to a Divorce:
- 1) Original Petition
- 2) Temporary Orders
- 3) Discovery
- 4) Divorce Mediation
- 5) Divorce Court
As you might imagine, each one has delays and tactics you can use to give you as much time as possible. For example, the original petition would be if one or the other party actually goes down to the court and files papers. If your disloyal does fill out papers and pay the court fee to file, then they have to serve you the papers. Thereafter, depending on your state you usually have something like 30 days to respond or reply. Thus one OBVIOUS tactic would be to wait to respond until the 29th day! Another obvious tactic would be to disagree and counter-file with what you think are more realistic child support, physical custody, and division of assets. And FYI, this is not be just be cantankerous but rather, to protect yourself and your family from being harmed because the disloyal is in "justification mode" and "me me me". So be fair and be realistic but wait as long as you can.
Also in some states the disloyal would have to claim why they are petitioning for divorce: irreconcilable differences for states that don't have grounds. Well...in your reply just say that you think there are difference that can be reconciled! It's the truth isn't it? You could reconcile if they would end their affair! If you are lucky enough to live in a state with grounds, well consider counter-filing with the grounds of adultery. Lots of times if a disloyal thinks all their affair dirty laundry will be in a court document, they will be the one to stall or even cancel the divorce!
I'll add more to this thread about each step of the divorce process!