Hello,
Please hear me out here as I've been scared to death the last 2 weeks that I ruined my marriage. My wife and I have been together for 7 years and married for 2. There's been some bumps. While we were engaged I found out she was having an emotional thing going on with a guy from work. She told me it was never physical and I believed her and we moved on. More recently I saw some text messages on our phone bill from a different guy from work late at night on the weekends while I was away. When I asked about it she told me it was nothing and she didn't remember why he was texting her. So I've had suspicions but I always trusted her. We were having some problems about 6 months ago and she suggested counseling which I agreed to but then a few weeks later when things seemed to be going well I declined.
Now just recently I screwed up big time. I was away on a trip and visited a strip club with a bunch of guys. I don't drink much but I was pretty tanked on this night. I ended up getting a lap dance from one of the girls and she was very forward. We did not have sex but I allowed things to go too far before I stopped it. I immediately got scared and it just got worse and worse. I went home two days later and immediately started thinking that this stripper gave me something. After a week my wife could tell something was up and I was feeling tremendously guilty and was scared that if I got something I could give it to her so I came clean. If by the small chance that I picked up something and gave it to my wife I would not be able to forgive myself. At first my wife was supportive and actually was laughing at me for how worried I was. A few days later, I was away from home for a few days again for work and from talking to her on the phone over my trip I could tell she was getting angry. By the time I came home she was furious and said that we had major problems of which this stripper thing was just the tip of the iceberg.
She asked me to leave and I left. I don't really have anywhere to go so I've been staying in hotels but I'm running out of money pretty quickly. It's now been a week and a half since she asked me to leave. It's ok for me to go home while she's at work and last weekend she went and stayed with a friend so I stayed at the house. In the last week and half I've been to 3 therapy appointments as I truly love my wife and want to make our marriage work. I also wrote her and left a letter taking ownership for things I've done and things I asked forgiveness for. We talk and text message daily but she just tells me that she's too angry to be around me right now. She also won't go to counseling with me yet although she plans to go by herself. If I try to talk about us she just gets angry with me so we haven't really talked about where we go from here.
So, I'm feeling tremendous guilt and fear that I ruined my marriage and I'm going to lose my wife who I love dearly. I asked her the other day to consider me coming back to the house simply for financial reasons. I told her that I'd stay in the guest room and she wouldn't have to see me. But when I asked today if she thought about it she got mad and now won't talk to me. I'm supposed to go away for another work trip on the 15th but I already told my boss that I'm not going because of problems at home. I also told my wife that I wasn't going b/c my marriage is more important than my job.
I really don't know what to do. She's told me that if I come back to stay at the house then she will leave which I don't want her to do so I've stayed away. Can anyone give me some advice? I do have a couple of options for places I might be able to stay but I'm not real close with these people so I'd rather not have them know about my marriage problems.
Thanks for reading this and any thoughts that anyone may have.
Please hear me out here as I've been scared to death the last 2 weeks that I ruined my marriage. My wife and I have been together for 7 years and married for 2. There's been some bumps. While we were engaged I found out she was having an emotional thing going on with a guy from work. She told me it was never physical and I believed her and we moved on. More recently I saw some text messages on our phone bill from a different guy from work late at night on the weekends while I was away. When I asked about it she told me it was nothing and she didn't remember why he was texting her. So I've had suspicions but I always trusted her. We were having some problems about 6 months ago and she suggested counseling which I agreed to but then a few weeks later when things seemed to be going well I declined.
Now just recently I screwed up big time. I was away on a trip and visited a strip club with a bunch of guys. I don't drink much but I was pretty tanked on this night. I ended up getting a lap dance from one of the girls and she was very forward. We did not have sex but I allowed things to go too far before I stopped it. I immediately got scared and it just got worse and worse. I went home two days later and immediately started thinking that this stripper gave me something. After a week my wife could tell something was up and I was feeling tremendously guilty and was scared that if I got something I could give it to her so I came clean. If by the small chance that I picked up something and gave it to my wife I would not be able to forgive myself. At first my wife was supportive and actually was laughing at me for how worried I was. A few days later, I was away from home for a few days again for work and from talking to her on the phone over my trip I could tell she was getting angry. By the time I came home she was furious and said that we had major problems of which this stripper thing was just the tip of the iceberg.
She asked me to leave and I left. I don't really have anywhere to go so I've been staying in hotels but I'm running out of money pretty quickly. It's now been a week and a half since she asked me to leave. It's ok for me to go home while she's at work and last weekend she went and stayed with a friend so I stayed at the house. In the last week and half I've been to 3 therapy appointments as I truly love my wife and want to make our marriage work. I also wrote her and left a letter taking ownership for things I've done and things I asked forgiveness for. We talk and text message daily but she just tells me that she's too angry to be around me right now. She also won't go to counseling with me yet although she plans to go by herself. If I try to talk about us she just gets angry with me so we haven't really talked about where we go from here.
So, I'm feeling tremendous guilt and fear that I ruined my marriage and I'm going to lose my wife who I love dearly. I asked her the other day to consider me coming back to the house simply for financial reasons. I told her that I'd stay in the guest room and she wouldn't have to see me. But when I asked today if she thought about it she got mad and now won't talk to me. I'm supposed to go away for another work trip on the 15th but I already told my boss that I'm not going because of problems at home. I also told my wife that I wasn't going b/c my marriage is more important than my job.
I really don't know what to do. She's told me that if I come back to stay at the house then she will leave which I don't want her to do so I've stayed away. Can anyone give me some advice? I do have a couple of options for places I might be able to stay but I'm not real close with these people so I'd rather not have them know about my marriage problems.
Thanks for reading this and any thoughts that anyone may have.