Re: the guy with the cheating wife
Mrs. the-guy has done a great job in doing the heavy lifting to help me heal. In fact she sticks to me like glue and I have excepted this and so far have met her need.
Except for one thing, she has asked that I lighten up. I continue to take her and hold her down while I " get my needs met".
In addition I have been there for her and we are no longer co habitators and we are lovers, best friends, and support each others, but upon her reguest I can not be gentel.
She is receptive and she addmits that she is a sl~t but "only my sl~t, and with that I continue to exhibit the same behaviors I had "back in the day.
As I continue to balanca out my fetish with her need for romanace, I still see the need to do better for my WW. Or should I say past wayward wife.
She has done the heavy lifting and her remorse far sir passes the list mentioned here at TAM, but the bottom line is I see my self falling back to the unhealthy behaviors that took her to a place that was gentel and romantic that most women graive.
Bottom line, I find my self using my wife as the trophy wife/booty call that it once was....
This fetish of mine, I find will soon get in the way. Granted, she has submitted to me and has give her selve completely back to me, I find that the emotional need she found through other men is gone, I think the phsyical need is not there.
Resently she has asked me to "settle down", but after the 10 second kisses, and the cuddeling, and the listening, I find my self "taking her" .
In away I think besides the GPS, VAR, and investigative behavior I exhibit, she sees the need to sexualy submit to my fetish (dominance) behavior as the part of the heavy lifting.
This is not an arguement, or a topic that is contiversersoul. it's something that just happens and she has only once, since d-day (20 month ago) that she told me that it was getting out of hand.
Last night I jacked up her hip, and my back...it was rough and ther was no complaints other then the sore hip.
Anger management has helped me outside the bed room, but when I start to bang away, pull the hair and spank her, it seem to get out of hand, and it only addressed the next morning.
My question is, what do I need to do when my kink gets in the way of having a healthier marriage?
Yes I know what she needs and yes I know what made her stray, but when we both ( me & wife) know what we are capable of doing to each other (in a bad way), and commit to preventing these unhealthy behavior from coming up again, how does one control the urge to consistantly dominate in the bed room when it is one of the issues that ......on occasion not meet her needs.
Second question will the book "his need and her needs" or is it "her needs and his needs" help?
Some one , please tell me what book we can read that will get us through this rut, with regard to our plite in the bed room.
Other then that it is f~cking awsome that my W has her best friend back (me).
On a side note; we talked about a ONS she had with guy with a penis pircing, it was just something she brought up, it was a fem dom thing she had to walk away from. In general the OM's were romantic and kind. Bottom line after 20 months of talking about the OM's it was all about kisses and romance. I've learned and understood her affiars, but damb it I'm just not wired that way!!!!
I like it rough, she likes it slow, so were do our needs come together.
Do I need to tie a string around my finger to remind me of what she needs in bed?
Last edited by the guy; 10-09-2011 at 10:23 PM.