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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 12-26-2011, 09:07 PM   #31 (permalink)
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Default Re: the guy with the cheating wife

oh I know, its the mind saying I'm the only one
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Old 12-27-2011, 09:15 AM   #32 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by MyDog8em View Post
I would blow her off and tell her to go get a boy toy...
I believe this phrase has been twisted around since Madonna used to wear her "Boy Toy" t-shirts. Boy toys are women. Your wife would be the "boy toy" for her new man. Get it? She would be the toy for a boy. HIS toy, not hers. Am I wrong?

Sorry, no thoughts on the rest of the post. I found it to be quite a story until I got sidetracked by this.
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Old 12-27-2011, 10:02 AM   #33 (permalink)
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while she made the decision to cheat in your case you provided
the rules to do so. Usually I'd say the cheater is 100% responsible but
yours is a special case where you ignored her and gave her a pass and then
woke up with a what the f did I do that for?? You need to own that resonsibility
You both have suffered and both can be of help to others.
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Old 12-27-2011, 07:31 PM   #34 (permalink)
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MrK,
It depends were your from, down under its toyboy, out here in SoCal a couger has a younger man= she has a boy toy.

B-,
You hit the nail on the head hence why I'm one of the few that can move on with this crap and find it a little more easier to forgive.

Ya we both are getting the help to see what happened as young kids and how it effected how we show love. Take note others, don't stay in a marriage for the kids, it dont work!!!!!

On a side note I still feel that my experience still has some help to someone out there. Confronting her was still very painful, and the script was exactly as you would read on any other thread. Also, with my approach on the confrontation....no begging, no crying.

Confidence in moving on and making the changes for your self. Don't walk in front of me, don't walk behind me, but walk next to me. And if that can't happen then don't walk with me at all.

So again I hope if any thing folks can learn from my approach when confronting their wayward, doesn't matter what lead to the infidelity.
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Old 02-03-2013, 11:06 AM   #35 (permalink)
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After all these year I found my old thread, thank TAM.

Last night me and my old lady were talking about the ol'days and I informed her that it was 3 years ago, to the day that I confronted her.

She started writing down years and numbers and I instantly realized it was her time line. So I had to dig up my old thread to see if it matched, and it does.

I'm going to continue read if you want, but its the same crap different guy.... and I mean a really different guy!


By '05 she really took a turn for the worse. Whats interesting is by, '03 I stopped hitting her...I never really saw how close the years were between when I finished working on my anger management (AM) and when she went nut sh1t crazy. [I begame a nice guy out of guilt and she took that for a ride] and I continued to choose an unmarried mans life over a married mans life. Hell as long as I got mine 1st the who cares who gets my sloppy seconds

I think the AM was truely for my self. I wasn't raised that way, I know it was wrong. The rugsweeping we did on her 1st rodeo just brought out the worst in both of us. So even with the AM, staying out of County,street fighting, road rage, and slapping my wife, stopping, I still did not want the ball and chain and continued with the emotional abuse...even before her 1st, I was that way. Her 1st affair just made it easier to do the crap I did.

The MC was just ok, and very short lived. The 3rd IC my chick found works. I have been working on my self for a while, but my chick has alot to cover....rape in her teens and physically abusive husaband but the meds help alot. I think the current IC is a pot head, but it works for my old lady. Mrs. the-guy hates pills so the weed realy balances her out. She should have been smoking for years mabye I wouldn't be in this mess.LOL

I no longer sell my self to the Corp. but enjoy a smaller work enviorment......big business was fun and I loved the gaint contracts, but these day I enjoy coming home early, and some times spending the day in the pool or in the dungin with my submissive wife who in the end always wanted me. I know she no longer needs bandaids to heal the wounds her life gave her. I no longer need to find that kind of happiness with work.

These days thing are balance out, and no matter how hard I try to get rid of my old lady she sticks around. LOL

No matter how hard Mrs. the-guy tries to get rid of me her submissive nature keeps me around.

We have both learned alot after 23 years [this March] and we are both glad we stuck it out, now that we both have the tools to stop our unhealthy behaviors....God knows we have the capacity to pure it on but will I ever slap my wife in the face? No. Her butt? Yes. That how she rolls.

Will my wife screw around again? That is up to her. Its not my fault now. If she wants to go back down that road at 45yo, then I can easily let her go. And thats the thing both of us can easily let each other go with out blinking an eye if we ever go back to the way it was!





Some of you folks now me as a very helpful guy,and I thank you from deep in my heart for those kind words.

Once a wife beater not always a wife beater. Poeple change, poeple can stay out of jail, poeple can stop screwing aroun on there spouse's......but will they???????????

Shout, gotta run, forgot about Mrs. theguy tied in the basement. LOL

Last edited by the guy; 02-03-2013 at 11:20 AM.
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Old 02-03-2013, 11:45 AM   #36 (permalink)
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Yours is truly an amazing story.
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Old 02-03-2013, 12:16 PM   #37 (permalink)
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I still can't figure it out so I chuck it up to a higher power.

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if a I didn't change back then....what if I continued to dismiss my wife?

The guy she was with was a convict, if I didn;t step up she might have fallen deeper into dispiar, or she could have been pick up by some rich guy and had a better life??? IDk......

Interesting how life throws crap at you and your not sure if you got hit or moved out of the way. LOL
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Old 02-03-2013, 12:41 PM   #38 (permalink)
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I never would have found this forumn
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Old 02-15-2013, 09:18 AM   #39 (permalink)
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Amazing
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Old 02-15-2013, 06:25 PM   #40 (permalink)
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Alot of folks like to label way off threads as trolls, but the crap I went thru...I have to say I can believe anything can happen when it comes to infidelity.
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Old 02-15-2013, 06:34 PM   #41 (permalink)
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Alot of folks like to label way off threads as trolls, but the crap I went thru...I have to say I can believe anything can happen when it comes to infidelity.
You better believe it. I just essentially said the same thing on cause789's thread.

To tell the truth I haven't seen anything on this board come close to a few threads I have read elsewhere.

Thankfully
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Old 02-15-2013, 07:11 PM   #42 (permalink)
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Huge trigger today, I wanted to drive after the offending party and b!tch them out, but I did flip them off.

This morning I drove off to work thinking of the confrontation that happened 3years, 2 days and 1/2 hour ago.

I got to the job site ( a residential lot at a dead end) and had to make a U turn to approach the drive so I could back up and unload material.

Drove past the job and noticed a car and a chick getting out and a pickup approaching ( I'm heading east the pickup is heading west)

I make my U turn and appraoch the 2 vehicals( car on the shoulder, truck in the west bound lane) I drive around in oppisite lane and turn north into the drive accross the street from job site, directly infront of both vehicals facing west.

So the job site and this rondaview is directly across from each other. I'm right there in front of everything.

I have to pull right in front of both vehicial to make my three point turn to back up into the site with my materials and tools, so I am inches away from both vehical bumbers and can look directly into the windshiels of the pickup were said women in car is in said pickup of guy ....making out, both doors of said vehical are still open/ still running I assume.

I back up into the jobsite pause half way down the job site driveway. ( now looking north at the driverside window of said pick up truck) and women in said car jumps out of said pick up truck, pick up drives off with big @ss grin,never making eyecontact with me, I now see the car and the women putting on a sweater to cover her ....tanktop/night shirt ( its 40 degrees in the morning her in so cal, its sweater weather for us), jumps in her car and drives off.

She looks to the left (her south) I'm looking north and we make eye contact. Alls I could do was shake my head no, raise both my hand s and flip her off with both hands.

The look in her face was of saddness, disgust and just negitiveness that I saw, I felt it, I felt the negitive , her and OM felt it as well, and all went about our day.

Who meets in a deadend street at 7 in the morning, in 2 different vehicals, and all drive off knowing that it was all wrong?



I did mention this to the home owner/job site, and I said " you won't believe what I just say"...home owner said " a fox"... I said " this hot looking blonde meeting some wheesel in the middle of the street in front of your house"...home owner said " thats the nieghbors, she sneaks around"..............


This sh1t phucked up my morning......I wish I had a smart phone, I would have vented earlier!!!!!!!!!


As soon as it gets dark, I'm going to have car sex with Mrs.the-guy........I'm not sure if I'll tell her or not!

My question is should I find a dead end some were in the nieghborhood or should I back up 20 feet and do it in my own drive way?

I'm going to tell her I lost my ATM card and when she goes to help me look for it in my truck, I'm going to disable the door locks and have my way with her in my truck! Hopefully she doesn't find one of my power tools, graps it and hits me in the head and dragges me back to her liar and has her way with me!
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Old 02-15-2013, 07:18 PM   #43 (permalink)
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You better believe it. I just essentially said the same thing on cause789's thread.

To tell the truth I haven't seen anything on this board come close to a few threads I have read elsewhere.

Thankfully
@3putt, One of FWW OM was from your neck of the woods, please don't tell me you met a shy blonde in san diego a few years ago!

I really have a hard time with cops right now, it seems back in the day, cops and my chick were like flies to sh1t....

Anyway what are the chances? No matter how small of a world we live in???? LOL
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Old 02-15-2013, 07:59 PM   #44 (permalink)
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I hate this time of year.

I'm not a big baseball fan, I'm not a basketball fan,but its better then nothing.

I can't believe I've been here this long!

BTW, I never burned my FWW call log, went back to '10 and it was 2/11/10........that was the day.

WTF.

I'm happy, I like the new direction, my soul no longer belongs to the Corp., and my old lady is great....she now knows what she needs and can look at me (when I take the blindfold off) in the face and tell me, and I can meet that need, but can I maintian the dominance this women wants? Can this women meet the submission I reguire from her?

It is a strange new world we both live in. The kids are moving on, the sexual devience grows and with that we grow together as spouses, and I wounder what the next 25 years will bring?

As domestic partners we carry on, but I wonder will/when her submission stop?

To bad we scared the sh1t out of our last MC....it might be time to find a new one, but do we need a new one?

Man I have so many questions these days, and there not about use as individuals more about how healthy our miriage is at this point?

Right now I wonder if we will behave the same way we are now and how we are going to behave in 20 years..when we are in our 60's?

After going thru what we both did I know I will never hit her again, I believe she will never screw around , when will the time come when our needs will shift?

Any folks in there 60's want to chime in? Any old timers that used to smack their old lady around want to chime in? Any real women want to chime in on were their 40 year marriage has brought them after scrwing around on ther old man?

Its only been 3 years and I wonder what the next 3 years will bring us as we grow together?
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Old 02-15-2013, 08:22 PM   #45 (permalink)
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@3putt, One of FWW OM was from your neck of the woods, please don't tell me you met a shy blonde in san diego a few years ago!

I really have a hard time with cops right now, it seems back in the day, cops and my chick were like flies to sh1t....

Anyway what are the chances? No matter how small of a world we live in???? LOL
Oh hell no! LOL! Never been to Cali, although I would love to visit one day.

Besides, after my first betrayal 22 years ago, I started actually asking women that were flirting with me if they were married. I was stunned by the amount of confirmations I received.

I'm quite sure I've slept with a couple of married women in my day, but I can assure you, it was without my knowledge. Makes me sick to even think about.

3putt don't go there....well, at least knowingly anyway.

Ugh.
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