Re: Cheating husband
I am so sorry to hear that you found out he was cheating. What are you going to do? Have you confronted him?
I was in your situation 2 years ago. I was suspecting, well my head was saying what a fool because I had all the evidence I needed but I had to find emails to confirm. I confronted, he denied. Said the emails were jokes. I told him that I am no fool and will not be played for one. In fact when I called him he was actually on a date with her, I told him I knew that too that she was sitting right there because she's a neighbor I saw her leave as soon as he did. I told him he chose his new life, enjoy it but he no longer lives here. I changed the locks before he could get home. This was the best decision I ever made.
He came home, locked out. I let him take a few of his things and told him to leave. He asked where? I said it was no longer my problem just go. He could come back later to get the rest of his things and we'd then figure out what was best for the kids. I would no longer let him treat me that way. He started yelling at me on the phone so I actually left the house with my son and when he got home to changed locks, no wife, no child...he went pretty frantic. He left but then called and begged me to go to counseling.
Its been a tough road but we are back together. I still suffer a lot because this was no quick affair, I found out later they'd played me for a fool for a long time. I was absolutely prepared to divorce him, none of this was any idol threat he managed to change my mind because the one thing he always refused to do was try counseling, now he was suggesting it. I layed out the terms he could NEVER speak to her again, must have full disclosure, and could not drop out of the counseling.
He does not contact her and wants nothing to do with her though she has tried. Full disclosure...well took a year and that's been really hurting us to rebuild trust and he did not drop the counseling and he has been a better husband since.
So here is my advice to you. Do not allow him to blame you. They always try to make it your fault (he tried, and I simply cut him off would not argue)...do not argue back with him just don't allow him to blame you, hang up, walk away, tell him you are not going to have that conversation. HE is responsible for the affair, not you. If you have children, go see a lawyer, protect your rights. Set up a separate bank account now. If he makes promises in order to reconcile, then breaks them such as continued contact, then its a no tolerance. Leave him. So now you decide if he's worth staying for or not. But irregardless, work on you FOR you. This saved me. I decided I wanted to be a better person, I wanted to handle this break up like an adult and I needed an outlet. I did 2 things, I got a support system (I'd been very isolated due to busy at work, kids, husband, etc.) and I joined a single mom's group, great group of women they saved my life! They gave me the courage I needed. 2) I began to work out, I ended up liking running. Today I run 1/2 marathons and enjoy the heck out of it and meet new people all the time. My husband joined me for awhile but an injury has now sidelined him, but not stopped me. I am proud of me now, I emerged as someone with an identity not just his wife, my kids' mom, employee etc. which happens so frequently to women we are so busy taking care of everyone else...