broken and alone

hmm · 09-27-2010, 12:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by holdingtwenty

I read your entire posts and it sounds to me like he is being immature. He trying to do damage control on both ends (yours and the ow). If he is serious about breaking off with the ow, then he should make the call in front of you.

Both of you need to go to counseling. Did he ever say he would go to counseling? I am not a therapist but it seems as if his hot and cold spells towards you may be because he is torn between you and the ow. If she continues to call him insist he get an order of protection against her, preventing her from calling him. See what he says about that. He needs to realize the pain he caused you and if you feel he hasn't, then you will never get over this together.

Good luck and all I can say is get professional help together.

.

Hi, holdingtwenty
I agree he is not only being selfish but also immature. I have been carrying arouind for two weeks a couple of numbers for some counselors and I'm absolutely terrified to call!! But today is the day. And yed my h said he would go to counseling. We will see

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turnera · 09-27-2010, 05:08 PM

You need to be discussing this stuff. You can't just pretend it never happened.

LilBit35 · 09-28-2010, 10:41 AM

Just know he will keep lying to you if you let him....he doesnt know how to let go of her! It sounds crazy but its not over til its over. If they have any contact it has not ended no matter were he works! My husband went 6 wks were he called her, text her and was WORKING on it with me....believe me he will be mad and sad and crazy and desperate....YOU will too it is not easy and you may even decided to take a breather and ask him to leave...I know your saying yeah right to let him do or see who ever he wants? Well he is doing it anyway there is nothing you can say or do that will change his mind unless you show him that you mean it! He will go through a withdrawl from her and you will think he has lost his dang on mind and he has its ok....he needs to grieve the loss of her and the loss of his marriage....he will have to deal with this and it is going to kill you....You will love him and hate him, want him to stay and want him to go just know that this is all normal...you will check his phone, his computer and you will question him but when he does turn around and tell you the truth it makes it easier to stop the crazy detective work.....My DDAY was 07212010 and he did not tell me the OW did and he did everything I have told you your husband will do and finally I said ENOUGH.....we are now seperated because I needed a breather...YES we are both commited but he knows that I mean it that there will be no more lies....there will be no more secrets or he will never come home...Be strong dont loose yourself.....

hmm · 11-06-2010, 09:11 AM

Well I haven't posted in awhile and I found out this morning on my way to work that the ow is pregnant. And my h has been keeping it a secret he is on his way now to supposedly go pay for an abortion. I don't even know what to do I fEel like I'm living someone elses life.
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jessi · 11-06-2010, 10:27 AM

Hi there,
I'm so sorry for all the turmoil you must be feeling.......there are so many emotions for you to work through, I hope you have a couple of good friends or family members to talk this through with.......
The consquences of your husband's decisions are very difficult but not impossible.....
If you want to still work things out go slowly and try to understand each other, I'm sure he must be going through his own hell......
Be there for each other for now and try to just show compassion and understanding........
good luck

hmm · 11-06-2010, 11:45 AM

I don't even know where to begin anymore. I'm so devastated by the obvious continuous lying we even started counseling. We have spent a ton of time together I financially supported him for the last 10 wks. I feel so used how could he keep making love to me and sleeping with me every single night knowing that he has gotten some skank pregnant he is with her right now! I need help I'm really struggling to keep my self together today.
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the guy · 11-06-2010, 07:44 PM

Its propably to late, but next time he has to meet her you should go with him or he doesnt go.
No contact means no contact.
How did he find out shes pregnent?
Do you even truely know that she is pregnent?

hmm · 11-07-2010, 01:47 PM

My h is leaving tonite to stay at a motel for awhile. it has finally come to light that he has continued seeing her this whole time he would see her once a week while I'm at work supporting the family he says he can't live with him self anymore he needs time to clear his head and try to find his way back to me. And by the way Guy yes she was pregnant he took her yesterday to get the procedure done. I have never been without him in 20 yrs I'm so desperately heartbroken I could not begin to put it into words.
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turnera · 11-08-2010, 12:09 AM

Time to tell his family what he has done; ask them to talk to him about their disappointment. Let them help you.

hmm · 11-08-2010, 05:14 AM

turnera,
He told his mother his self on Saturday. needless to say she was shocked and is really hurting for us. I have made it through the first night, my h left around 7pm and was texting me within 45 min.
came back home about two hours after leaving to bring me something i did not even need last night and then sent me another text apologizing for not giving me the time to clear my thoughts . I guess I was not clear enough when all of this started about my boundaries really they are completely common sense you cant have a girlfriend and a wife.
So what is my next step? I know now that a no contact letter is extremely important. And I will be asking for that if he decides to come back to his family. everything is just so broken and confusing. How do I move forward?

turnera · 11-08-2010, 08:54 AM

You determine what YOU need in your life, and you move on that. Let him decide if he can be the one to provide it. But in the end, that is what you will strive for.

jessi · 11-08-2010, 09:08 AM

I would go NO CONTACT with your husband for a bit, you need time to think without him around.....
I know you are devastated, breathe and just make it through hour by hour, let your friends and family help you.....
Your husband needs to do some soul searching and that is up to him, you can't help him, let him feel what losing you is all about, lets see if the OW can meet all the needs you have met for 20 years....she won't and he will see the difference between a fantasy and a real life with a woman that really loves him....
This might take a bit of time so in the meantime take care of yourself and don't worry about what he is doing........
good luck

Newlife · 11-08-2010, 10:39 AM

sorry for your pain. I left my ex the second I found out about his affair. Which he says was on an EA
He continued to do what it is was he was doing with her, and I was gone, out of the picture. No way I was going to stay and be the backdrop for his pathetic affair.

It's good that he left to clear his head. No contact is the BEST way to get him to think about what he wants.
In the meantime, take care of you. Don't beg, plead or get angry with him, it will only push him towards his OW
He's alone now and will feel lonely. Let him feel REALLY alone so he sees what life is like without you

hmm · 11-09-2010, 07:32 AM

well i have made it through night number 2. I thank god for my children they truly are my salvation right now. My h was with our children while I worked yesterday evening and he left before I got home. I wish that I could shake off this grief so I could think but I cant see the sun through the clouds.

turnera · 11-09-2010, 09:49 AM

Study the signs of depression, so you can see it coming, and get help. Many people in your situation may need antidepressants for just a few months, to help them cope.