Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.

I think my wife MIGHT be having affair…

225K views 507 replies 130 participants last post by  eastsouth2000 
#1 ·
I think my wife MIGHT be having affair…she’s asleep right now and I’m looking for some thoughts...

So here’s my story and few things that have happened to me in my brief marriage.

Met my wife three years ago, instant mutual attraction, off the charts sex, and we were engaged 10 months later. She is 27, I’m 30. Wonderful wedding day, good honeymoon - but immediately afterwards things went sour and I’m not sure why. We are approaching the third year of marriage.

Some notes:

1. I worked a lot of long hours in our first year of marriage. Like 10-12 hour days. She did not like this, but I was a manager and we working against some tight deadlines.

2. After the honeymoon was over, it took us three months to have sex again. Then another two months afterwards to have sex again.

3. After our first year of marriage, she gained a ton of weight, at least 35 lbs. She has been seeing a counselor, and has been on Strattera, Lamictal, and Cymbalta. She was on another drug that I forget the name of. She has went through bouts of depression her entire life.

4. I am getting yelled at, ALL THE TIME. I will be sitting watching TV with her, and she will start picking a fight with me for no real reason. She picks on me for being too thin and it’s ruining myself esteem. I asked if she thought I was good looking and she did not answer.

5. I am often told that I do not make enough money. She works at a company where a lot of guys are making great money and she has to travel for her job, so she is around other men a lot. I make a decent living, but we are not rich.

6. We went on a trip for our second anniversary and she refused to sleep with me, and she gave me a dirty look when I tried to initiate sex. I would say that we maybe have had sex 10-15 times in our entire marriage (2 years, 9 months total)

7. She does not like to be hugged by me at all. I tried kissing her on the cheek the other morning prior to us leaving for work and she winced.

8. This past December, we went to her companies Holiday party together and her co-workers were acting kind of weird around me. They would stare at me for a long time and look confused, and look away. Maybe I’m being too paranoid.

9. She talks, at least once a week, about her female co-workers flirting with other guys in the office. Married men going out to lunch with married women.

10. We are in marriage counseling. Our marriage counselor once asked her if she thought would be OK if I had my needs met by another woman. She really didn’t have a response.

11. My wife seems to have no friends, except her mom. She seems to get home everyday at 5:15pm. So, if she is with someone, it’s on her lunch breaks ONLY. She doesn’t leave my sight during the weekends.

Obviously, my marriage is in shambles, I have been thinking about divorce since Christmas. But I love this woman so much…I just feel like something is up.

Thoughts?
 
See less See more
#429 ·
The way to get her hamster going is to simply vanish. People always wonder about what ISN'T there.

You will be even more mysterious to her over time. Writing about how great your life is and posting photos or your new girl are cries for attention. She'll know that she still has some control over you which, based on how you've described this c_nt, she loves to hurt you.

Curiosity will eventually get the best of her if you disappear. She'll either ask around, or do some heavy Facebook/google stalking.

If your new girl is really pretty, and prettier than your ex-wife (like you say she is), that will be the best revenge. Knowing that you rebounded to something better will be the ultimate blow to your b_tchy ex-wife's bloated ego.
 
#430 ·
If your new girl is really pretty, and prettier than your ex-wife (like you say she is), that will be the best revenge. Knowing that you rebounded to something better will be the ultimate blow to your b_tchy ex-wife's bloated ego.
Maybe so! Had a great weekend with the new girl - and did what my older brother calls "sealed the deal." Things are getting better...still some residual pain to be honest, having the company of a new woman who seems to really care about me has been a tremendous help. She seems to understand my situation, but I talk about it only when she brings it up.

In other news, I threw my wedding band (the price...drumroll...$85!!!) into the river at a restaurant where my ex-wife and I had our official last "date" together. I stopped there on my way home from work and gave it a pretty good toss. And yes, I cried a little. :mad: This marriage was so f@#cked.

It was the last item I had from her. I deleted my photos of her from a few external hard drives I had and trashed some clothing her parents gave to me as gifts a few weeks ago.

It's hard to believe this all happened and I'll probably never see her again. So weird. It sometimes feels like this person never really existed.
 
#433 ·
Well folks - I knew this was going to happen sooner than later.

She's engaged and living with him already.

I have him and her blocked on Facebook so I've been out of the loop, but this is beyond crazy.

I play on a soccer team with two of her co-workers, and after a few beers one of them broke the news to me.

So, another setback...but I know I'll be fine.

The bright side is that I'm still with the girl I met a few weeks back...she's really been awesome and nice addition to my life. Taking it slow, and we've been pretty happy.
 
#435 ·
Troy

It is not a setback. Count your blessings she is gone and never coming back.

Read your very post. You practically listed all the reasons why you should not be married to her.

Your ExW should not be married. She is nuts!

SO IMO it is not a setback but a blessing.

Enjoy your life today. Live for tomorrow and enjoy your GF who is with you now.....

And smile. Because the whack job is out of your life.

HM
 
#434 ·
I know you've got lots of emotions from this whole deal, but I really think you're going to do great.

Obviously a marriage is tough to lose, but your ex sounds like someone you better off without. Reading your story, it seems obvious to me that you're better off already. Enjoy the time with the new girl, that's great medicine.
 
#437 ·
I feel so sorry for the new guy.....he probably has no idea what he is in for.....



and I bet she has kids with him quickly so he cannot escape as easily and quickly as you did.....sucks for him.

Nothing like due diligence to start a relationship on the right path.

I think I would keep up on the "lucky couple" from a morbid curiosity / train accident point of view, esp. if you have common friends and can get info. It's part of the "healing process".

There's always a chance they will be singing The Sounds of Music and have eight kids and all that but hey, that's because humans are complicated creatures. Sometimes things work too well or not at all.
 
#443 ·
The germans have a specific word for it...

Schadenfreude


"Schadenfreude is pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others. This word is taken from German and literally means 'harm-joy.' It is the feeling of joy or pleasure when one sees another fail or suffer misfortune. It is also borrowed by some other languages."


Just sit back and watch as her world implodes...:)
Its a VERY satisfying feeling. :D
 
  • Like
Reactions: TroyN
#444 ·
Some thoughts...

1. I’m the only one I’ve known who has gotten a divorce and had a spouse get engaged that quickly. I don’t know who I can talk to other than the people here and maybe my parents who have been a tremendous help. I can’t thank you guys enough.


2. Her and her co-worker/soon-to-be-husband are just another casualty of her toxic work environment. Her’s included, I can count 5 other couples who have met through that company who were previously married. Cheating and affairs are rampant there. It is almost a part of that culture. I chalk it up to boredom, laziness, and the fact everyone looks great at work but they don’t really know that person in the confines of their homes. My wife doesn’t see what kind of office champ I am, and I made less them him. I had absolutely NO SHOT against this guy, who makes roughly $70K more per year than me and has climbed the corporate ladder each year. From what I’ve heard, he’s very chummy with the big-wigs of the company. So my wife liked the idea of getting some sort of status with this guy. Based on his looks, and I wish I could post his photo here but I won’t, she is NOT with him for his appearance.

3. The guy lives in a **** hole of a house. The house my wife and I had was better, bigger, more stylish, and new. And get this, his sick dad lives with them. WTF.

4. I am not that upset about losing her, or her getting remarried. She was awful to me and my stress levels are a lot lower now that she is gone. I’m upset that she could not value what I gave to our relationship, and that the fat ugly guy at work is somehow worthy enough in her eyes to have sex with. I wanted, desperately, to be intimate with my wife and got shunned repeatedly. So, she can just magically turn on her sex drive to a guy with clearly inferior looks? This is BS.

5. I’m getting stalked on Linkedin by people who have once worked with my wife and probably wonder what happened to us.

6. My new girl is clearly better looking than my wife. My mother, who had dinner with us last night, could not get over how pretty she is. My brother saw a photo of her and said “nice upgrade” - so it looks as if my new girl is getting some pretty good feedback from the family.
 
#454 ·
It's been nearly two months and I'm feeling a lot better. I've been seeing my new girl for a couple months now - the difference between my ex and and my new girl is night and day. I'm much more aware of red flags and this new girl seems to be the real deal.

I saw my ex-wife this past weekend at the mall. She was by herself. She said "hello" and nothing else. I said "hey" back and nothing else.

She gained a lot of weight since I saw her at the divorce proceedings. I think she found out about my new girlfriend through social media as my new girlfriend has taken numerous pictures of her and I together. A lot my mutual friends are now friends with my new girl and it's all pretty public at this point.

My ex-wife even hit my LinkedIn page the other day. So I'm sort of wondering why she still cares.

Maybe she ate her pain away? Maybe the pain of seeing me with my new girl got to her a little bit? My new girl is quite striking....and my ex-wife looked pretty rough.

Even though it was hard to see her, I can safely say that the pain I once had many months ago has subsided and I've found some happiness again. I've been lifting weights about 4 days per week and reading lots of relationship help books (no more Mr. Nice Guy, Married Man Sex Primer) to prevent future disasters.

For those in pain, it does get better. Work on yourself, forget about your exes. Reach out to family and travel. Write down your thoughts and save them in your email. These are just some of small things I did to feel better and help me recover from this mess.
 
#457 ·
I keep advocating this but people rarely listen. Live your life and live it well, that is the ultimate revenge. They can disrespect you and treat you like trash but once they see what they've lost it's a bitter pill, even if they won't admit it.

Good on you and continue to enjoy the sweetness of life, because when you allow it, it really can be sweet..just not for your ex :)
 
#468 ·
So sad.

I try not to think about these things too much. Like everyone else I get triggers from songs or if I even see her company's logo. I'm just disgusted with everything. When I saw that she visited my linkedin page it was a bit of setback, because I really thought she forgot all about me. That is how I've felt lately. I was so easily discarded and replaced.

I'm close to reaching indifference, I'm not there yet but it will happened eventually.
 
#469 ·
I only read your OP and have not read through the rest yet. But my initial impression is this is someone who has no interest in having a husband in the first place. There are "asexual" women out there....women who hate sex all the way around. A lot of times it is because of a sexual abuse event in their childhood. These asexual types want a family and some level of normalcy but don't really want to be married. Sounds like to me the wedding and honeymoon sex was because she was caught up in the moment. I knew a girl in college that I only regarded as a friend. She wanted to have sex with me but didn't want a relationship. I could have had my way with her 9 ways to Sunday but I saw her like a friend and I could not get past that. She eventually accepted that and relied on me for dating advice. She started dating some guy she hated and said she hated when he touched her but thought he would "make pretty babies". So she started poking holes in his condoms with a pin. She wanted to get pregnant by him thendump him. She had confided this in me and I felt I had an obligation to tell him so I did. She never got pregnant, never got married but today has 3 kids from3 different men. So it sounds to me like she was living to get married and have kids but once that is accomplished she may be done with you. Just my perception---not necessarily how it may really be.
 
#472 ·
This appears to be a classic case where she decided she doesn't want to be in the marriage. She gained the weight to be less attractive to you and is engaging in behavior she knows will sabotage the marriage. The ultimate passive aggressive cowardly way to end it. She's counting on you to end it so she won't have to.
 
#483 ·
Not sure this will ever happen. She was pretty awful to me post-divorce and a real brat during the separation. I think she harbors a lot of resentment towards me for ending her marriage (remember, it's all about her - not us) and ruining her social status that she's looking to re-attain (hence having her slob of a future husband on deck before the ink was dry).
 
#488 ·
Just want to thank all the people who helped me out on this thread. It's been awhile but I'm out of the fog.

I want to quickly give everyone a quick update.

1. I'm still going strong with my new girl. She is amazing, and everything I hoped for in relationship. For those struggling, there is hope and things do get better. My new girl showers me with praise, our sex life is amazing, and she beautiful to boot. My parents and my brother all seem to approve of her. They love having her around.

2. I also got a new job and make a lot more money. I've also relocated to a new town, so I'll never see my ex-wife again, thankfully. I should write about this experience...maybe another time.

3. My ex-wife is now married to the guy she was with while we were technically still married, and she is now pregnant. This was hard to hear about at first, but I need to remind myself that she was an awful person who wouldn't have been a good partner to raise a child with anyways. I pity the OM who knocked her up that quickly after their marriage.

Otherwise, I couldn't be happier. My woman and I are going to Cabo San Lucas in October...we need to the getaway.

I hope everyone is doing well.
 
#489 ·
Great news!

And don't worry about either your ex or her timetable for ruining her own life, her new sucker's life, or the life of what I'm sure will turn out to be an absolutely horrible child.

Onward and upward!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
You have insufficient privileges to reply here.
Top