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I think my wife MIGHT be having affair…

225K views 507 replies 130 participants last post by  eastsouth2000 
#1 ·
I think my wife MIGHT be having affair…she’s asleep right now and I’m looking for some thoughts...

So here’s my story and few things that have happened to me in my brief marriage.

Met my wife three years ago, instant mutual attraction, off the charts sex, and we were engaged 10 months later. She is 27, I’m 30. Wonderful wedding day, good honeymoon - but immediately afterwards things went sour and I’m not sure why. We are approaching the third year of marriage.

Some notes:

1. I worked a lot of long hours in our first year of marriage. Like 10-12 hour days. She did not like this, but I was a manager and we working against some tight deadlines.

2. After the honeymoon was over, it took us three months to have sex again. Then another two months afterwards to have sex again.

3. After our first year of marriage, she gained a ton of weight, at least 35 lbs. She has been seeing a counselor, and has been on Strattera, Lamictal, and Cymbalta. She was on another drug that I forget the name of. She has went through bouts of depression her entire life.

4. I am getting yelled at, ALL THE TIME. I will be sitting watching TV with her, and she will start picking a fight with me for no real reason. She picks on me for being too thin and it’s ruining myself esteem. I asked if she thought I was good looking and she did not answer.

5. I am often told that I do not make enough money. She works at a company where a lot of guys are making great money and she has to travel for her job, so she is around other men a lot. I make a decent living, but we are not rich.

6. We went on a trip for our second anniversary and she refused to sleep with me, and she gave me a dirty look when I tried to initiate sex. I would say that we maybe have had sex 10-15 times in our entire marriage (2 years, 9 months total)

7. She does not like to be hugged by me at all. I tried kissing her on the cheek the other morning prior to us leaving for work and she winced.

8. This past December, we went to her companies Holiday party together and her co-workers were acting kind of weird around me. They would stare at me for a long time and look confused, and look away. Maybe I’m being too paranoid.

9. She talks, at least once a week, about her female co-workers flirting with other guys in the office. Married men going out to lunch with married women.

10. We are in marriage counseling. Our marriage counselor once asked her if she thought would be OK if I had my needs met by another woman. She really didn’t have a response.

11. My wife seems to have no friends, except her mom. She seems to get home everyday at 5:15pm. So, if she is with someone, it’s on her lunch breaks ONLY. She doesn’t leave my sight during the weekends.

Obviously, my marriage is in shambles, I have been thinking about divorce since Christmas. But I love this woman so much…I just feel like something is up.

Thoughts?
 
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#248 ·
Dont get the new job until after d is final. Judges look at difference of incomes from today back to 3 to 5 years.

An example from when i almost divorced. Alimony =difference. Div by 3.
 
#249 ·
We officially divorced yesterday. She was very cold to me, clinical, and wouldn’t look me in the eyes at all. Her parting words “just to let you know, I’m de-friending you on Facebook as well as your family members.” I sort of laughed at her and said “OK.” I guess of everything that could be said, this is what she chose to say to me as her parting message.

I also got the feeling that she’s seeing someone. Something about her body language and smell told me something was going on there. I felt something in the pit of my stomach. Is this heartbreak?

My co-worker took me out for lunch right afterwards and I asked me about my marriage. He once told me, based on my phone conversations with her during my lunch breaks and his brief interactions with her at my after work functions, that she was the typical “nagging wife” and he could tell that I was miserable. So it seemed like everyone sort of new that it was heading this way, but nobody felt comfortable saying anything - which is completely understandable.

So life is pretty weird these days. I’m trying to find who I am again after 3 years of suffering. I think it’s going to be awhile.

Thanks.
 
#260 ·
We officially divorced yesterday. She was very cold to me, clinical, and wouldn’t look me in the eyes at all. Her parting words “just to let you know, I’m de-friending you on Facebook as well as your family members.” I sort of laughed at her and said “OK.” I guess of everything that could be said, this is what she chose to say to me as her parting message.
I'd beat her to the punch and de-friend/BLOCK her.

As for a response...

"Well, that's TWO good things that happened to me today! I'm gonna go buy a lottery ticket... with luck like this, I can't lose!!!"

...with a HUGE smile on your face. :smthumbup:

Did you wind up having to pay any sort of alimony/spousal support?
 
#251 ·
I don't envy the guy who she is dating.

Shake the dust off your sandals and move on. Your life is going to be so much better without her. Fvck her and her FB. You should be posting how happy you are now that you are free again, all the things you will be doing and experiencing without a dysfunctional person dragging you down.

Man, you should be doing cartwheels...not worrying about who she's dating. :rolleyes:
 
#252 ·
Troy, I'm sorry, congratulations, and good luck!

The parting shot about defriending you on Facebook tells you all you need to know about her maturity and mindset, as if Facebook is the be all - end all in life. Teenagers use defriending friends on Facebook as a tactic to jab someone.

Good luck to you man and enjoy the next phase of your life!
 
#255 ·
Congrats on your divorce. I would spend every day enjoying your new life. I remember right after my divorce one of the first things I really enjoyed was being able to pass out on the couch and not have someone screaming at me. I know it sounds so simple and almost pathetic but there was something so comforting in knowing I never have to worry about her treating me bad again.

I think you will find those things in your life that are far better without her.

:)
 
#259 ·
Op congratulations on this positive step in your life. I don't intend this in a bad way but I actually laughed at the part about her I friending you on Facebook. She sounds very immature with that one.

You are better off without her.

Make the most of this opportunity
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#261 ·
Met my wife three years ago, instant mutual attraction, off the charts sex, and we were engaged 10 months later. Wonderful wedding day, good honeymoon - but immediately afterwards things went sour and I’m not sure why.
Ugh. I don't like thinking about this. So, she can turn it on for someone else? But not for her husband?
She can turn it on for her NEW husband just like she did for you. Poor bastard. You are so lucky that you didn't have kids. :D
 
#264 ·
Her social IQ is not high.

She was "defending you"? That's pretty off the wall. Shows how bizarre her thoughts have been. Probably she cooked up some explanation of the divorce that painted you as a monster, an abusive sex maniac who never lifted a finger to clean the pee off the toilet seat.

She is going to put another guy through the wringer.
 
#267 ·
Face it Tiger you just hit the jackpot!

in all seriousness I'm sorry you had to go through all this. Take time for you and enjoy doing what you enjoy doing. Date, don't date. The best is yet to come.
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#272 ·
Well - my suspicions are confirmed regarding my wife's drastic weight loss. She has a boyfriend and it's a co-worker.

I was told last night by someone who works with her who I'm somewhat friends with.

I'm beyond devastated and I'm crying my eyes out. This is by far the worst thing that has ever happened to me.
 
#283 ·
My brother was in the same situation as you. Same dynamic. Same pattern. BPD is a *****. Let me tell you, you are so totally lucky that you have no ties anymore to your xww. Living with a borderline is hellraiser. Create a nice life for yourself. Make your house in order. Find peace. Don't feel negative about your XWW though. Forgive her for the pain you're feeling now. She can't help making the choices she's making. You can't hold her accountable for her actions and behavior. She's just sick. That enormous empty hole inside of her will never be filled. Ever. The next guy will find that out the hard way. And the next. And the next. And the next. And that's actually sad.
 
#284 ·
Nice sentiment but disordered people are still accountable for their actions.

The rest is true. She has a hole that can't be filled. She will look for someone to fill that void in her but it will never happen. (Keep the puns to yourself, not the time or place).

Trust me when I say, OP, that it does get better.

Sure, you'll feel pain going forward but you'll feel joy as well. Soon the joy will out way the pain.

There will be parts of you that still love her indefinitely. Love those parts and accept them. Nurture the rest of you that strives to move forward.
 
#290 · (Edited)
TroyN

The best thing God ever made was another day

I remember my first car.I wanted that car sooooo bad

I worked just for that car and the ins,repairs,ect

I loved driving that car,

Trouble was I pushed the b!tch more than I drove it

get the analogy ?

You got off easy.

I know it doesn't fell that way now But you will

Soon as that next new car comes along

55
 
#292 ·
I'm sure its rough when you think about her shutting you down, but now she's back on the market. After reading this thread, I have to say I'm not the least bit surprised. It has nothing to do with you or the marriage, its simply a pattern of behavior, to be expected.

Its as plain as day that this is just the start of another cycle with her. It will be like the others. You haven't "missed out" on anything or failed to do something that would have restored the "old" her to you. That was never an option.

Its like washing a car, or making the bed. Wow, does that look good. In short order it will be all messed up, dirty, rumpled, and no longer have that shine.

Face it, she doesn't really have what you want. For now, she can shine herself up and gold-dig. That will all wear off like her makeup. Your long term prospects are far better.
 
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