My husband cheats online, what to do?
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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 09-02-2010, 03:26 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Exclamation My husband cheats online, what to do?

My husband and I have been married for 6 years now. During the 1st year of marriage he cheated on me with someone online. When I confronted him about it, of course he apologized and said he wouldn't do it again. Year 2, 3 and 4 was good. Then year 5 came. And he started invading my privacy by starting to login into my facebook account and my PSN account 3 times for no reason. After the 1st time, he promised he wouldn't do it again. Of course he did it 2 more times plus facebook and each time at first he denied it until I showed him proof that he did infact signin into my accounts. After that I found out he was cheating on me again for the 2nd time online. Now, 6th year, I just found out he is cheating on me AGAIN for the 3rd time online again. I am really stuck in a rut and really don't know what to do. I still love him and giving I'm a very forgiving person I keep forgiving him but I don't know how much longer I can last. We have no kids, thank GOD, so that helps keep things little more simple. I'm afraid one day he is gonna cheat on me physically with some girl around town. I am also kinda keeping him his job, cuz he is in the military, and cheating is a huge no-go and can be kicked out of the military if we were to divorce or if they found out that he cheated on me without the divorce. Any advice you can give would be great.

Edit to add: The girl he cheated on me with (2nd time) he promised me he would stop talking to her all together. Couple months ago he started talking to her again and now he is cheating on me again with the same girl.

Last edited by Disney8704; 09-02-2010 at 03:37 AM.
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Old 09-02-2010, 03:37 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband cheats online, what to do?

It sounds like he is a serial cheater, or at least looking for an opportunity to cheat, draw up your boundaries and advise him of them. Have a plan ready and I mean plan for it, have monies, accommodation etc. ready in the event of a separation.

If he crosses those boundaries again give him short shrift and action your plan.

Some spouses need a reality check to stop, after 6 years and all the warnings I think reality has to sink in for both him and you.

Your future life with him cannot be one of doubt and mistrust. All people deserve to be with someone they love and someone who loves and respects them, from what you have written I do not see either from your husband.

For your info: in any relationship Privacy is when you go to the bathroom , Secrecy is deceit. You should have no problem giving your H access to all your accounts, email and such like nor should he withhold details of his accounts.

Best wishes

Last edited by Wisp; 09-02-2010 at 01:06 PM. Reason: typo
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Old 09-02-2010, 08:58 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband cheats online, what to do?

since you have no kids together and you have given him chance after chance after freaking chance you should leave NOW and DO NOT LOOK BACK!
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Old 09-02-2010, 10:11 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband cheats online, what to do?

Sounds like you and I are in the same boat! Married for 5 years, no kids and husband is a serial cheater. Although I have never gotten physical proof he has had many "emotional" affairs. Bsically, my husband acts liek a single man and I have had enough. Three years ago when I first caught wind of this I confrinted him and I truly believed he stopped. here we are today and all I have been finding is how he basically leads a double life.

Bottom line, these men are not paying attention to us and not giving us the unconditional love we deserve.

Feel free to read my posts for more information. People on this board have been so helpful in providing me with insight and courage.

Good luck with your situation. I personally think enough is enough and we deserve better!!
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Old 09-06-2010, 07:58 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband cheats online, what to do?

If this is the 3rd time you've caught him at this, I'd say it's going to continue. He might get sneakier about it, he might find more and better ways to hide it; or he might get more and more flagrant with it. Either way, I doubt he'll stop.

Staying with him because he could lose his job...that's a silly reason to stay. Aside from the fact that you are protecting him for doing wrong to you, you need to keep in mind that the military may never know. Most states, I believe, have become no-fault states, meaning that you don't have to state a reason for the divorce; it's automatically listed as "irreconcilable differences" which can mean anything from "he/she cheated" to "he left the toilet seat up and I fell in". And, let's say for the sake of argument that the military does have to find out (you tell them or you're in a state that does require a reason for the divorce)...whose fault is it that they find this out and whose fault is it if it adversely affects his career? Yours? Hardly. You didn't cheat. He did. If you know the consequences for his actions, then you can be assured he knows them as well. And he did what he did knowing the consequences, which means that if he is forced to face them, it's his own fault and his own problem. Not yours.

Now, if your reason for staying is that you love him and you want it work, that's different. But, if you were to decide to do that, I seriously think you should demand counseling, possibly both individually for him and marital for the both of you.
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Old 09-24-2010, 04:25 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband cheats online, what to do?

Gosh, this sound all too familiar to me, married for almost 6 years, adopted his son, take good care of his family and all he does is cheat, gamble and betray. I spent all my hard earned money to pay his debts, bring his kid up, ensure that he still keeps his military job but what I have in return is always endless pain and hurts. I have tried to walk away but each time I always forgive him, believing that he will change for the better. However, I cannot forget those hurtful things no matter how much I tried. I got easily sensitive over little things he does now and many times I keep suppressing my fear and is driving me insane. I really need to find the courage to just leave everything behind and forget about this marriage but I just couldn't.
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