Caught my husband sexting
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Old 09-07-2010, 08:19 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Caught my husband sexting

I am 25 years old and I have been married 6 yrs and 9 months now. yes I got married when I was 18 my husband had just turned 20, but i have been for the most part happy. in october we got pregnant and this was a planned pregnancy. my whole pregnancy everything went great i didnt getg super hormonal like all others so we were happy. we stopped having sex 3 months into the pregnancy because it caused me to much pain. although that didnt stop me frm having the urge, i tried a few times after that but at that point my husband didnt want to hurt me. in july we had a beautifu; baby boy and we had complications during labor. I caught a fever and my uterus caught an infection. when my baby came out he had breathing problems and had to be transferred to anpther hospital which he stayed for 1 week. that had to have been the worst time of my life, i couldnt go see my son because i was recovering. my husband was the only one to comfort me. so 4 weeks into bringing the baby home he had gone to bed and i had baby duty. I saw his cell phone and decided to go thru it all though in the 6 yrs of marriage I never did. i went thru it and found he was sexting a client of his and it was mutual with her. I confronted him that instant and kicked him out. I felt so betrayed. It hurt so much because we had just had our son then obviously after having a baby i wasnt really feeling sexy or thhought about it. i cried all the time and to make things worse i was falling into postpartum depression. once i licked him out i snapped out of the postpartum depression and concentrated on my son. my husbands excuse was that he wasnt thinking at first. finally after talking he told me it was because he was sexually frustated anh although he text he woud never pursue anything more. i took him back after a week, he told me he was going to change and this would never happen again. so i started to forgive him slowly letting him hold my hand, kisses etc... we went out to eat without the baby and i told him that this dinner was the last time we would talk about this situation and i just wanted to move on and be happy with our new family and find a house.
2 weeks went by and Everything was going great (i thought) on a tuesday we put an offer on a house and on wendsday nigh we had talked about the house and how we were going to decorate in case we got it. once again i felt the urge to see his phone. so i took it to the bathroom with me and in his phone although you delete texts it stills saves it in history. i went thru his texts first and i found nothing and i felt good. So then I went through his history and found he had spoken to a nother client from work and this time the convesation was dirtier and he even request a naked picture although she never sent him one. I confronted him again and I got the same response that he wasnt thinking but this time he said it wasnt sexual and it was fiction. i didnt believe him, i had the urge to completley go through his phone and found he had texted a 3rd women but the last 2 times they did not recipricate the dirty texting. I am currently living with my mom and i took my son.
I am just so hurt and betrayed by all this, i just dont understand why now he would do this after out baby was born. salthough he didnt physically cheat it still is cheating to me. the fact of him thinking of other women and is not women whom he doesnt know its women whom he had met. and he was the one to start these dirty conversation. i just cant believe that it would not be something sexual. my self esteem has also taken a toll, i feel inadequate as a women to not be able to satisfy my husband. i feel my body is gross and unattractive. if he only would have talkd to me and told me he was sexually frustrated i would have made it a priority. im so hurt that he would risk doing this 2 more times, I mean our relationship at that point was so very fragile. 2 times he was at work once he was at home while i was at my mothers. Home is where i am suppose to feel safe out sanctuary. he tells me he wants to work things out he wants to give me a better reason other than "he want thinking" it also husrt because that friday i found out our offer was approved and with my financial sitation i would nt be able to do it alone so my mother decided to leave her home to my sister and move in with me. he told me he is going to see a phyciatrist and a priest and today we have our first session of marriage counseling. i havent told him i want to get back although deep inside i want to make this work im just scared of getting hurt again. or that he will be doing it again but this time he will hideit really well. he tell me he doent want to loose me that he doesnt want any women (sexually) other than me and he doesnt want to live with out me in the picture and he doesnt want to be a part time dad. im just seeking advise on what to do. i know now that this isnt something that can get fixed right away that we need time apart butit hurts to think that he will be away from his son and holidays are coming up and i dont know how long this will last so i may have to spend my sons first thanksgivingm christmas, halloween without his dad. i feel as if my husband robbed that father son relationship from my baby. i told him if he wanted to work things out he needed to get his priorites straight and that this time it was on him to work this out because i asked for none of this. i just dont know if i can completley trust him again because it will always be in my mind and my biggest fear is that lets say we do get back together he mat not be doing it anymore but i will still feel he is and he is just hiding it better and we will live in misery and push each other away and hate eachother. sorry for all the misspellings but i am so upset and i have my son in my arms.
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Old 10-29-2010, 08:27 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Caught my husband sexting

hi there. i'm really sorry to read about what happened to you. i just signed up on this site because i'm in a similar situation. it's been about a month since your post so i hope things have become better, clearer...
i've been with him for almost 4 years and NEVER saw this coming. the "sexts" turned my stomach (just found them two weeks ago) but it hadn't been the first time either. when i read others' posts, i say to myself, "you have to leave! end it now!" but i can't bring myself to do the same in my relationship. i too believed him when the first text came in about 1.5 years ago. he said it was a crazy girl he'd met just once, never even slept with. we moved on but then i found incoming/outgoing msgs too weeks ago, from the same girl. their sext relationship has been longer than even mine and his.... i'm heartbroken and don't want to lose him but see little hope for getting over this.
how are you dealing with this now? did the counseling help at all? he made an appt for us to go next week. i think you made the right decision to just move out and get some space. especially for your son - i feel that babies sense tension and stress and you're likely to feel less of that if you're on your own. use the time to get some clear thinking in....

my big question today and i'm sure one you have too.... will i ever trust him again? will i ever stop checking his phone for msgs? will i trust he is where he says he is? will my stomach stop turning when i hear a text coming in? will i stop imagining him doing to her what he described in the text?

have you decided if you know the answers to those questions yet?
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Old 11-01-2010, 06:33 AM   #3 (permalink)
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I am so sorry to hear u ladies dealing with this as well. I had the sudden urge to look thru my husband's phone. I never had any suspision to do so just wanted to see what he was up to. To my surprise I see mysterious sexting messages between him and a total stranger. Based on the texts threads I knew they had been doing this for quite some time, never met, and he even hides his identity. They talk dirty to each other, she sends him naked pictures of her and her bf having sex, she's young and looks to my husband for some sort of "support'. I don't know what to think, what to do. I am 8 months pregnant and i can't stop thinking about this. I do not want to stress my unborn baby out and I know discussing this with him right now will make the matters worse. I honestly thought we had a great marriage, great communication and all. He's never late coming home, very attentive in the marriage and supportive, but finding out he's living an alternative/secret life is absolutely devastating. I am crushed! I feel like my marriage is a lie. Please help! Should I confront him now or wait it out until my baby is born and build more evidence?
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Old 02-09-2011, 02:27 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Hello,

I'm here giving an update on my situation. So we decided to go to marriage counseling and for 2 weeks we had made alot of progress, biggest was learning to commujnicate with each other. On one of his weekly visits we planned to take my son and nephew to the beach, and something told me to check his email. So after looking thru his email he had another phone that sent all his text to his emails. I found that 2 years ago he had been texting a woman he use to work with for 6 months. in those months we had gotten married by church, and had been trying to get pregnant. I felt even more betrayed and ended the marriage. I fell into depression and started seeing a therapist, as did he. I moved in with my mother and concentrated on my son, work and school. not make this story so long my husband and i talked everyday he apologized about what he did and told me he never met up with her or had sex with her and i called her she confirmed it the worst they did was send pictures which supposedly were innocent pictures. We decided to do marriage counseling. We are together now but my biggest thing is that i dont trust him at all, i check his phone, his emails every account he ever had. Im scared that something else will creep out of his closet. All though he has told me he has not talked to anyone else. Its been 7 months and im still hurt. i try not to associate our current arguments with what he did but its hard not to. Ill give him this much he has changed he has become a better father and husband. I do think about leaving him alot but I dont because for me its to late in the game who wants to sleep with me? especially now that my body has changed, only him so why not be with him. Everyone please dont get me wrong i still love him but the degree of love has lessened. I feel that our wedding in church was not started with true fidelity, and he robbed those moments of us enjoying our child together from me, and my life has changed so much. im still struggling I now know I am not the only one in this position. If any one needs more help please contact me. I havent included everything that is going on in my situation just so i can keep it short.
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Old 07-30-2011, 10:28 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by beni14 View Post
Hello,

I'm here giving an update on my situation. So we decided to go to marriage counseling and for 2 weeks we had made alot of progress, biggest was learning to commujnicate with each other. On one of his weekly visits we planned to take my son and nephew to the beach, and something told me to check his email. So after looking thru his email he had another phone that sent all his text to his emails. I found that 2 years ago he had been texting a woman he use to work with for 6 months. in those months we had gotten married by church, and had been trying to get pregnant. I felt even more betrayed and ended the marriage. I fell into depression and started seeing a therapist, as did he. I moved in with my mother and concentrated on my son, work and school. not make this story so long my husband and i talked everyday he apologized about what he did and told me he never met up with her or had sex with her and i called her she confirmed it the worst they did was send pictures which supposedly were innocent pictures. We decided to do marriage counseling. We are together now but my biggest thing is that i dont trust him at all, i check his phone, his emails every account he ever had. Im scared that something else will creep out of his closet. All though he has told me he has not talked to anyone else. Its been 7 months and im still hurt. i try not to associate our current arguments with what he did but its hard not to. Ill give him this much he has changed he has become a better father and husband. I do think about leaving him alot but I dont because for me its to late in the game who wants to sleep with me? especially now that my body has changed, only him so why not be with him. Everyone please dont get me wrong i still love him but the degree of love has lessened. I feel that our wedding in church was not started with true fidelity, and he robbed those moments of us enjoying our child together from me, and my life has changed so much. im still struggling I now know I am not the only one in this position. If any one needs more help please contact me. I havent included everything that is going on in my situation just so i can keep it short.
Just read your posts and I am in a similar situation. My husband started sexting while I was pregnant and my daughter is now 13 months old and I just found out last month. Send me a private message or email if you want to talk. I would love to know how things are going now...
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Old 07-30-2011, 10:38 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Caught my husband sexting

OP hasn't posted since Feb. Doubt she will be back.
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Old 02-15-2012, 08:44 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Hi, I read your post and I would like to share what happened to me. My husband started looking at porn sites on line and I complained and he said that he was just looking, he wasn't going to contact anyone so I tried to ignore it. A few weeks later, he brought the kids home from sports late at night. The kids went to bed and he was still downstairs for a long time. I had a funny feeling and the next morning I checked his phone messages. I found a sexting thread between him and someone who used to be his secretary in the past and who he recently rehired without my knowledge. She is also his step sister in law. They were talking about being each others sexslaves and other stuff. I was devastated. My knees were trembling. i went right upstairs and woke him up and he said that nothing physical ever happened. he loves me and he wants to change. He says that he will go to a therapist. He has had trouble with substance addiction in the past and this is a sex addiction. I want to tell this woman's husband and family but I haven't yet because I hesitate to ruin her life but I am angry at her, angry at him. I have three beautiful kids. I have no job. If I leave him, I don't know how I will support them. I am so humiliated and frightened about my future.
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Old 02-15-2012, 09:12 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Caught my husband sexting

Mal, you may want to start your own thread. This one is pretty dead.

As far as your husband goes, the whole "sex addiction" thing gets thrown around way too often, in my opinion. There's a world of difference between "can't" stop and "won't" stop. It's much easier for someone to blame an addiction rather than admit they did something bad simply because that's what they chose to do. In your case though, I guess it might be different if your husband has an addiction history.

Having said that, many of the solutions might be the same. Transparency in communications, no contact with the other person, etc. assuming, of course, that you care to try to work things out. The no contact will be fun, given that she's employed by your husband. He may have opened himself up horribly for an harassment lawsuit.

You should so maybe talk to a lawyer, just so you can know what your financial standing would be if you did have to file for divorce. It may not be as bad as you think.

C
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Old 02-15-2012, 09:58 AM   #9 (permalink)
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tHANKS FOR YOUR REPLY. i told my husband that he has to tell her to go or transfer her to another office but he says that it is not that easy because as you said there may be legal repurcussions. Should i threaten to tell her husband if she doesn't leave? i don't know what to do but I want her away from him.
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Old 02-15-2012, 10:09 AM   #10 (permalink)
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I think you should both sit down together and talk to a lawyer familiar with employment law and discuss the situation. AFAIK, she could sue even if he doesn't fire her just because he's abused his position of authority.

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Old 02-15-2012, 11:45 AM   #11 (permalink)
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tHANKS FOR YOUR REPLY. i told my husband that he has to tell her to go or transfer her to another office but he says that it is not that easy because as you said there may be legal repurcussions. Should i threaten to tell her husband if she doesn't leave? i don't know what to do but I want her away from him.
Don't threaten anything, but do tell the husband.
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Old 06-21-2012, 03:38 PM   #12 (permalink)
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I am so sry!! I am new to this site. The reason i joined was because i wanted to reply to you.. I have been married 19 years, we have been thru so much. I have not been the perfect wife. He hasn't been perfect either. We got thru alot of crap. This time i just don't think we can. I just cried reading your post because i wander if mhy marriage is a lie. I have gut feelings and no hard evidence of what is going on.Just little things like a whole bunch of data usage and 2 videos that he sent me when he was out of town that he said he made for me... Guess what though in the videos you can hear him call out someone elses name... I only confronted him as the person he called out fake email etc. He denied it and got rid of that email. Anything i ask he gets upset. He tells me i dont trust him etc. He puts all the guilt and blame on me. I dont have a job and no where to go. I am here not knowing anyone family is 1600 plus miles away. I have a daughter 14 and a son 20. The sad part is i still love this man and i am hurting like crazy...I hope u see this and we can talk more. Please take care.
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Old 07-12-2012, 04:23 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Hi, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I know that you are feeling so low right now. The first step is that he has to admit the cheating. If it takes you getting hard evidence then try to get it. Sit down with him and confront him. Do not let him turn the tables around on you. You are not at fault at all. He will try to do this to make you stop. Then once he admits it, tell him that he has to stop all infidelity and focus on you if he wants the marriage to work. If he won't stop then consider divorce or separation. You will be entitled to compensation. I know that you love him and you don't want to do this. i understand, I feel the same way. But if he has no intention to stop his behavior it will be hard and unfair for you to live like this. The thought that they are doing something with someone else is devastating. I feel for you. This is probably all that you can think about right now. things have gotten slightly better for me with counseling and with time. I still have my doubts and if he is cheating, I will go even though I have no job because I cannot live my life like this anymore.
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