Re: She wants to go find herself...
Let me draw a comparison for you.... My first marriage sounds a lot like yours. I was 22, my husband was 34. Big age difference. We were married for 3 years, that's all. It was short. It was short for a very obvious reason. With our age differences we were in different places in our lives. I was 22 and wanted to go out party, live it up, have a good time. I respected my husband and chose not to do that, but at some point young people want to live it up. My husband didn't do any house work, at all. I had to do it all, work outside the home and then we never went out, not even to dinner. I remember wanting to go to a carnival one day, something seriously simple and he refused to go AND wouldn't let me go. So, eventually it destroyed our marriage. I left and divorced my husband for the very reason your wife is giving you, I wanted to find myself. I felt so incredibly smothered that I couldn't think of anything else to do. And yes I had guys who wanted to go out with me, even if I was married.
This is my suggestion, either let her go (as in divorce) or go out with her and live it up WITH HER. She is probably feeling disconnected from you big time and that is affecting her a LOT. You have to connect with her if you want to stay with her. Which means that while you may have already been there and done that, you should do it again for her and with her.
Oh and I ended up having no respect for my ex-husband. He had an offer for a job back in 94 that would have paid him 80k a year. He didn't want to take it because he didn't think it was a secure job and he had to "take care of me". I wasn't his freaking kid, I was his wife and while I pushed him to take the job over and over again, he didn't take it until AFTER we were divorced. I lost all respect for him during our marriage because of that. My point is this, you need to make sure you are treating her like your wife, not like a kid. She is your equal.