09-12-2010, 05:22 PM
Join Date: Sep 2010
| | Re: Wife had an affair and say's she loves me but not in love with me anymore? HELP!
Here's my theory.
Your wife "broke up" with you. Not too many romances are rekindled after a breakup. The ones that do are ones where time is spent apart and good feelings are rekindled. Bad are supressed, or at least seen as not bad enough to cause a breakup. Feelings come back and couples get back together.
A WIFE breaks up with a husband, however, she is forced to spend every day of her life with that person. Every bad trait is reinforced every day. The resentment grows. The loss of love grows stronger.
It's too late to change yourself for two main reason's:
1 - Sure, you're a different person, but what is there that would make you think she's going to love that new person? She knows a lot of men and doesn't love them. She didn't choose to be with this new person you became. Why would she love him?
2 - Even if she loves this new person. Even if she can see the one she married inside of that new person. That new person is not perfect. ONE relapse. ONE time yelling at her. ONE snide comment. ONE time having a drink too many and it's all back to square 1.
3 - I'll add a third. She's in defensive mode. She lost her love with you once. She's scared to start over with a man she already lost once.
I guess this didn't help. I just wanted to share my theory on why changing yourself isn't an automatic cure. I changed when I realized I was losing my wife. It didn't help.