repunzel

Hello everyone,

I dont know if this is the right place to post this thread but am in desperate need of help....Im almost 8 months pregnant...Me and my husband had a very active sexual life but it has decreased over the couple of months into once a week...I asked him the reason indirectly and he says its not good to have sex everyday,life is not about sex and that it takes away energy...This answer really surprised me...and i told him who knows u must be watching porn and getting ur pleasure he told me shut up...

I know that in his PC he has downloads of naked girls pictures and porn vidoes which he thinks i dont know,he has kept pictures of his past girlfrends in his PC and this is bugging me everyday,once a long time i had told him to delete them and what he was doing was not right but i found out that he changed the file names and stored them somwhere where he thinks i cant figure out...last night i found out that he deleted one of the porn videos which he must have watched and once his email was open i saw he recieved naked pictures of girls and rubbish porn...This is very upsetting and a while back when i had confronted him he told that its just men ofcourse i dont do anything but its disgusting,effecting me and rubbish..if that once a week he sleeps with me i feel maybe he is imagining those women and i get really upset...

Am scared to confront him because he is aggressive and verbally abuses me..please advice me what to do..if i deleted them he would know...am really upset its hurting me i dont know what to do...we have had alot of ups and downs due to his past behaviour he also has a secret code on his fone so i cant check it after i found out that he had pics and text from othe girls which was dealt with and he promised me he deleted them and they didnt mean anything to him...

He blames me for invading his privacy how do i deal with such behaviour....please help me...its making me really upset and i just feel like walking out without confronting because am scared of his blames and threats....

I dont know what to do...

hitrockbottom

Porn is something that just about all guys look at....
If its effecting your sexlife then I would confront him.

repunzel

I confronted my husband when he was in a good mood but i was very scared of his reaction and it turned out to be worst....He started blaming me for invading his privacy and i was quite disgusted and warned me not to ever come near his Personal things and he said that he has no privacy..i told him i was using the PC and came across the porn which upset me and i started thinking alot of things its shame and hurtful.I got upset and threw the tv remote on the floor and he got up and started beating me....he hit me very bad and took the knife twice and threatened to stab my stomach and am pregnant..he told me to leave his house...and he doesnt want me or the baby...he got really violent...



he started feeling guilty of his behavior and came to apologise and told him i wanted to leave,it was either me and the baby or the rubbish he likes to watch..he said u cant change me and i dont do anything...you see me coming home every night and am not cheating behind you but to me its just guys they watch these things and he said i know you have every right to be upset and no wife would except such but i'm disgusted still...

i told him its affecting our sexual life...he told me he sleeps with me every week and doesnt mean that he has to have sex everyday (but i wasnt looking for that) am a human being with feelings too....he said to me you are 23 and always horny and this really hurt me...am not a sex machine or a sex addict that he talks to me like this..im his wife...

I could feel the guilt in his eyes he had tears and he has been thinking non stop about hitting me and apologised...but im confused i dont know what to do....i dont want him to watch these dirty rubbish videos...will he stop doing it...

Please someone advice me...this is the 4rth time with anger he has beaten me...this time was very bad and has left pain on my body very bad...i cant talk to my family or anyone about it about it i find it very shameful....which is why i posted my thread here for anyone to just listen to me...

He says he loves me and i mean alot to him....but i feel broken..
since my pregnancy i have had no peace with him...its his anger that ruins our relation and he has changed am 23 he is 43
Thanks alot...

Dancing Nancie

I think you find the nearest women's shelter and go there. I had to go to one of these with my mother when i was young. They bring women in and help them when they are being abused, and have no where to turn. The sent a taxi two hours away to pick us up. Please look for the nearest one and go. If he is willing to beat, and threaten you with a knife, you should take that seriously and run with your unborn child.

Amplexor

Leave him immediately. He has already proven he will not change. He is using physical violence to control you. The beatings have become worse each time. Get out of the marriage and don’t look back. When you are ready to look for a new relationship find a man who respects you and treats you as his wife and partner. Don’t hesitate. Get out now. My best wishes for you. Take care.

__________________
Amp

Confidence – Love – Patience – Faith Are the tools to help heal a marriage.

repunzel

Hi,

Thank you for the support....i can understand what you all mean to leave him but am worried about the baby so much...it hasnt arrived yet...am worried how i will cope and support myself whilst am pregnant...Am ashamed to go to my family with all this burden they'll all judge me...Divorce is considered a taboo in our society and degrades a woman who is divorced...

I dont have any finance or assets that i can support myself...i really dont know what to do..i hardly have any money that i can leave and start afresh...am worried between cross roads...he has been apologetic and tells me he loves me and he will never do it again..the last time he told himself he will never raise his hands on me..am the mother of his baby...he doesnt want the baby to grow up having a father who cannot control his anger....i have been stressed day in and day out thinking about my future and the babys with my husband its not easy for me....am so tired i dont even know what to tell him...

swedish

I agree with Amp. You've stated in previous posts that he has another wife and children, will not acknowledge his marriage to you to his family to enable your baby to get a passport, is often away for work and social obligations so the parenting will rest mainly on you and that he puts going out with friends above spending time with you. I can see where your cultural surroundings might make you feel trapped to stay in this situation, but you are educated and the option to make a new life for yourself with your baby sounds like a better alternative than staying in this situation any longer. My best to you.

voivod

get up, away from the computer now. grab a checkbook, get to a shelter or hotel. call the f-ing cops. but do not write another word here from the same house where this creep is hitting you or threatening your baby with a knife. you have a responsibility to that baby. now. go. post here from a library or something, let us know you're ok and away.

__________________
separated, honoring wife daily with AA, counseling, she deserves the best me i can give her.


4 kids g16, g11, g10(happy b-day molly mouse), b5

draconis

You need to get out of the house now. There is no reason for anyone to be violent and no reason anyone "deserves" it. If you can stay with a friend or family do it but not before reporting this guy to the cops, getting a protection from abuse order filed against him and charges of assault and domestic assault filed against him. If you don't have a place to stay ask the police about shelters until you can get on your feet.

I wish you well.

Now get out of there before something bad happens to you.

draconis

__________________
www.myspace.com/draconis1973

Farfignewton

I was a single mother for over a year and a half and you can do it also. Get the heck out of that relationship. Do you want your child to go through what you have gone through also!? Believe me, he will not stop with you. My ex-husband was abusive and he threw me down when I was holding our two month old daughter. That's when I realized that if I stayed then I was risking both of our lives and there was no way in hell that I was going to do that.

Niske

I am a police officer. Get out of the house right now. Do not wait another minute. This guy is the type that I want to resist arrest. He is a dirtbag. NO MAN SHOULD EVER HIT A WOMAN! EVER, FOR ANY REASON.

N