icarus

Well she cheated on me recently twice in the past 4 days. She started hanging out with her ex just as friends she said. They went to a bar together and had some drinks. She went back to his house and lied to me said she knew the bartender and was staying at the bar to sober up. Then the second time they go back to our house while I am at work. I find condoms in the trash and we have a huge argument. She cries and cries we both say we still love each other and want to work it out.

The main situation here I am troubled with is we haven't had sex in about 5 months. She said she isnt sexually attracted to me anymore for some reason she just needed to release some sexual tension. I can accept that but the thing i am angry about is she never told me, she said it would hurt me if she told me that. We want to figure out how to get our sexual relationship back so this does not happen again. Our sexual relationship is pretty much her giving me handjobs, she says the thought of me touching her is weird, but she loves cuddling with me, holding my hand, and kissing me to death, the thought of me inside her she thinks is weird now because we are so close. We have taken time apart but it still has not worked. She says its coming back slowly but very slowly. Any solutions to speed things up?

Amplexor

These things will take time. The hanky panky on the side hasn’t helped things one bit from her perspective. In fact it has probably made it worse. What factors have changed that might make her less attracted to you? Weight gain, change in attitude, diet, job…??? If you are both willing to work it out add to the romance with dinners alone, walks, romantic movies together. Kiss and hug at all convenient times. Is there some sort of physical act during sex that she wants but isn’t getting? There could be lots of options and causes here.

__________________
Amp

Confidence – Love – Patience – Faith Are the tools to help heal a marriage.

icarus

There is no weight gain or anything physical that has changed. There is less romance because but maybe that is what we need to be changed. Maybe boosting that will help. Ill give it a shot. Any other advice on boosting it? Things women like to hear in bed to get them to sleep with you?

swedish

This would concern me because typically the closer a woman is to a man the more she will want to be with him sexually. Do you know if there might be something to this, sexual abuse as a child or something along those lines? I have no experience to offer in this area, it just stood out as odd to me.

frustratedinphx

It sounds like the air may have leaked out of your sexual relationship. Perhaps you both just got comfortable and have forgotten to mix things up so the flame died out. You just need to bring things back to life.

I can't speak for every woman, but I like a man with confidence. Take charge and surprise her. Do the things you know she likes (flowers, dinner, movie- whatever) and do them in such a way that you are the initiator and the one calling the shots. Make it a little different and interesting. Do this a few times before you try to be intimate with her and if she likes it maybe she'll be begging to really have the *new* you. Just don't try too hard to get her be sexual with you- it could push her the other way. Good luck!

icarus

She says that she thinks her emotional and sexual relationship is on two different levels.

Deejo

That answer is bull excrement. Did she offer up details about what that means?

icarus

No I ask her why she feels that way she always says "Thats the thing I dont know and I am really confused about it." We talked about it a lot lately she says I do everything so perfect its kinda like she needed something wrong with us. But she says she wants to fix it so badly.She says the sex is slowly coming back. saying that she does not mind touching my penis anymore and slowly wants to work it through.

827Aug

I would be confused too. She obviously has no problem having sex with her ex. However, she only wants to cuddle with you. Anything unusal happen 5 months ago to put a halt on your love life? Is this when she began seeing the ex? It does sound odd.

primal303

This sounds like my uncles seperation. She lost interest in him, ask for a seperation, and slept with another man. My uncle hasn't totally forgiven her but is trying to keep their marriage together for the sake of their 2 children. It has been this way for 4 years now, they sleep in seperate rooms and their children are old enough now to start asking akward questions. Woops....kinda deviated from your post, sorry.

The thing is, it sounds like you have an issue less with her cheating and more with the fact that she doesn't see you as a full partner. What I mean by that, is that partners share the whole experience where as it sounds like you beleive you are there mainly for emotional support and sex is kind of a job she is required to do.

Which I can relate to. My wife went through a period like that, she didn't cheat on me though, physically atleast. It eventually got back to where we were full partners again but it took a lot of research and a desire to meet her halfway on things that I just wasn't accustomed too. Like romance and actually listening to her without commenting.

Have you found out why she doesn't find you attractive? Maybe you are doing things too perfect. Maybe you need to stop asking what she needs and start giving her what you want. I have a friend and he is good guy, salt of the earth type but him asking how I am today in that sincere voice gets annoying. I got annoyed enough to tell him it was annoying and that if I am not feeling well, I will tell you but stop friggin asking.

You sound like you are in it with your heart but if partners grow tired of always being asked "was that ok?" "how would you like it?" "can we have sex tonite?". Just start kissing and biteing her neck or something else you might think she would enjoy(keyword enjoy, not want)

I wish ya luck