My wife had an affair two years ago, and I caught all but the physical act. After months of denials, divorce papers filed (by her), etc she finally came clean and it saved our marriage.
We've had a great time since, and been closer than ever.
Starting to smell something in the air again, I caught her the other day; nothing extreme, just sitting alone and texting when she wasn't expecting me to be around. I won't bore with the details, but I am pretty confident she was "sexting" with someone; I think I know who, and I'm pretty sure they've never actually gotten together (yet).
Now she is in full denial mode again, but it is transparent, and I know I am as right as I was last time. I don't know the full details but something is up.
We have a great friendship, a great sex life, wonderful children and a nice home....but she needs this stuf on the side (she admits to getting a kick from the danger, etc). I can't take the secrets and lies anymore. I've come to the conclusion that she doesn't deserve me anymore...but my children do.
If we divorce, you know what happens...thousand of $ to the lawyers, and I still get 2 weekends a month with my kids.
If she likes the danger and excitement she's probably just someone that needs a high level of stimulation. Hence you should be consciously doing things with her / to her that are high stimulation experiences. Don't go to the same old resturant. Go rollercoaster riding. Parachuting. Change up the sexual positions. Tie her up yada yada yada.
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The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 is available to buy! Love, Sex, Nice Guys, Alpha, Beta, Dealing With Cheating, Oneitis, Sexless Marriages, Sex Rank, Body Agenda, Sexy Moves, Seduction Skills and more! 344 pages of high quality practical information. The MMSL Primer Book
If she likes the danger and excitement she's probably just someone that needs a high level of stimulation. Hence you should be consciously doing things with her / to her that are high stimulation experiences. Don't go to the same old resturant. Go rollercoaster riding. Parachuting. Change up the sexual positions. Tie her up yada yada yada.
She may well be just bored.
Why he needs to change their normal life only because his wife get's bored of it? She needs help, professional help. Maybe her excitement is only about men, and not sports
Not necessarily a lot of dollars to lawyers. You go to a mediator, come to an agreement and then file. So she gets bored? I will wager that she is not bored with your provision and the security you offer. She is a serial cheater. You seem to have come to terms with it. Tell her that you obviously can't trust her anymore and suggest mediation and divorce. Tell her that she is not a fit wife (because a serial cheater isn't).
I agree. Create what she wants inside the marriage. Outside the bedroom and INSIDE the bedroom.
In this situation - me - I would start with this.
- take her cell phone drop it on the floor and calmly stomp it
- tell her to go upstairs and get undressed
- be a little edgy, and a little rough - and a lot unpredictable when you follow her up - fear and sex can have an incredible amplifying effect on one another.
There is nothing better than blending "moderate crazy" into a stable situation. Clearly she loves and desires you. Finding non-destructive ways to scare her might be the ticket.
Clearly affairs/aggressive flirting with other men is toxic - and that needs to stop. But it needs to be replaced with something else for this to all work.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atholk
If she likes the danger and excitement she's probably just someone that needs a high level of stimulation. Hence you should be consciously doing things with her / to her that are high stimulation experiences. Don't go to the same old resturant. Go rollercoaster riding. Parachuting. Change up the sexual positions. Tie her up yada yada yada.
I agree. Create what she wants inside the marriage. Outside the bedroom and INSIDE the bedroom.
In this situation - me - I would start with this.
- take her cell phone drop it on the floor and calmly stomp it
- tell her to go upstairs and get undressed
- be a little edgy, and a little rough - and a lot unpredictable when you follow her up - fear and sex can have an incredible amplifying effect on one another.
There is nothing better than blending "moderate crazy" into a stable situation. Clearly she loves and desires you. Finding non-destructive ways to scare her might be the ticket.
Clearly affairs/aggressive flirting with other men is toxic - and that needs to stop. But it needs to be replaced with something else for this to all work.
I would take the cell phone away but stomping it might be a little on the far end of the spectrum. How about when she's texting again, grab the phone, text the OM, F*** off this is my wife, shut the phone off then follow steps 2 & 3 of your plan?
that wont turn her on... LoL Shes bored with the jones routine. who doesnt get bored with it? doesnt excuse cheating but if u dont get to the bottom of what she needs to keep her on your side of the fence then its not going to stop. Posted via Mobile Device
Why he has to do everything to save his marriage and not his wife? If you are bored with your life, let your partner know that.
He said we are getting closer and their relationship is greater than used to be. Is she faking her happiness so her husband will not be able to suspect, and find out about her affair? She needs a wake up call.
__________________
The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 is available to buy! Love, Sex, Nice Guys, Alpha, Beta, Dealing With Cheating, Oneitis, Sexless Marriages, Sex Rank, Body Agenda, Sexy Moves, Seduction Skills and more! 344 pages of high quality practical information. The MMSL Primer Book
Sigh,
I'm sure when you went around the first time, you dicussed boundries and consequences if it ever happeened agian?
If so what were they?
And trust your instincts and if action needs to be taken, take it now.
We all know the routine, the cheater will b.s. & continue to lie to you untill they get so emotionaly attached to OM, its hard for them to come back.
I really don't think there is a fix for this type of thing in many people. It's like drinking or partying when your in college it's not if you'll do it how much and how hard!
Some people need the "edge" of flirting and role play. Life could be grand they'll still want it. Same thing goes for serial cheating! I know plenty of guys that cheat with no intention of ever leaving there family, wives, or kids.
It's just a "piece of strange" "having some fun" no different than any other form of entertainment. Chat sites, sex sites, you name it all the time! To see these guys around there wifes it's like "Who are you?" polite cordial almost sheepish at times......but behind closed doors it's back to the XXX rated entertainment.
Which leads me to my belief that's what it is. Especially the online stuff it's entertainment. For as many of the "sex talk role playing etc" that come to fruition (something real physical) there are many many more that are just online it's just a fantasy world. I've played WWF on the Iphone and had people make tons of sexual comments chatting.
Like watching porn or reading some sex novel.......
I wish you the best some people seem to need this stuff!!
Quote:
MEM11363
What planet are you from? You could introduce 400 sex toys, videos, hang from the rafters, it's not the lack of excitement that makes many stray. It's the need for variety and something new with someone new. You can't recreate the butterflies, anxiety, and nervousness that comes with flirting with someone new. Either online, txt, face to face and the same goes for sex! You can brink the heat it won't compare to something new for a person that is looking for that "edge". My marriage rocks get and I guarantee it's nothing my wife would do that would drive me to being unfaithful. It simply be a want to be with someone new for fun has nothing to do with how great my wife is at home.
To us happilly married folk the emotional bond makes sex that much better.......and adding all the freakiness makes it fresh for 10,20,30 years.
In our reconciliation, part...well, a lot...of the fun has been being sexually adventurous. I've drawn the line at going to a swingers club or discussing "swapping" with some freinds she has that mentioned they were into it. (Not coincidentally, one of the swappers is the one she texts with. So does she "love" him now, or is he just a convenient other half because he'll get down into this kind of mud with her, and has 0 scruples about marriage, etc.)
I'm convinced that she's just plain addicted to the thrill of flirting, getting away with something, being with someone new, etc.
She's just started counseling, to look into this issue; but in my opinion, that should have been done after the first problem. We've talked about it over and over and she dragged her feet until now.
On one hand, the therapy is what she needs, and maybe it'll help. On the other hand, it seems likely she'll do just enough to get through the immediate difficulty, tell me what I want to hear and then be a time bomb again... ticking down to the next problem.
I keep coming back to the fact that I don't deserve this treatment. However, I know that she'll get the kids, and they don't deserve being exposed to daddy #2 and then the cheating, fall out and break-up with him, then daddy #3....
doing swinger is far from respecting a marriage. i think you must force her to complete the counseling process until she has a right perspective of a marriage. how could you live your marriage by doing swinger. i disagree of this kind of trend.
Sigh,
I believe you are right on about "H #2 and H #3,
See the behavior needs to change. She possibly could move on but the behavior will be the same. I hope she changes her behavior and you both can have a new relationship with each other.
But, it sound like she has an addiction and you both will have a long road ahead of you, or maybe with some compromise from both of you you can move on together.
Good luck and I hope her counseling helps
You're making one big assumption about the custody. I'd encourage you to get some facts from a lawyer first.
If you could arrange 50/50 custody, would you leave?
As for her ongoing dishonest behavior - at some point you realize that having a spouse that is chronically lying, and seeking validation from other men, is not worth it. When people cheat there is a "defogging" period, withdraw from the other person and/or processing their guilt where they are not trustable. But after two years of reconciliation, she should be past that. You're not in a marriage, your a f*cking babysitter.
I, too, disagree with MEM and Atholk (tho they often have fantastic advice), this women gets off on treating you like you're her father and she's a horny teenager. It's not solved thru dominance, it's solved through divorce. She's just not willing to be a partner. I assume you want a woman that is an equal in your marriage.
I got put in that role at one point, and still resent it. Now I'm very aware of any kind of behavior that puts me in a role where I have to "police" my FWW. I didn't get married to be babysit my wife. For me, if she pulled any of that b*ll**** and I would immediately leave.
sigh...again? 
